Once when I was fourteen, I was sitting out on a curb by a local grocery store. I was talking with my best friend at the time. We were probably talking about something topical to the time, like whether the large pharmaceutical manufacturing complex nearby was indeed a Soviet nuclear target (it was), and whether we were in the immediate blast zone (we were not). This was the same spot where four years later Johnny Joe Hess would pull up with his Mercury Cougar and his pile of LSD and some of us were never the same after that, except I digress.
Anyway while Frank and I were sitting there, this old old woman came out of the store and walked over to us. She was a crone. If you could imagine a 900 year old Eastern European woman; half-witch and half-mummy, this was her. She turned to us and extended her finger and screeched out with a heavy accent: "Do not sit on the cold concrete!" then she made a fist and shook it, "Because you get the...hemorrhoids!"
So we looked at each other and were like yeah yeah yeah. Thanks old woman! Why don't you go curse someone else!? She left and soon afterwards so did we.
Forty years later I have hemorrhoids and anal fissures. If only I didn't constrict the blood flow to that area by sitting on cold stuff. This stuff is really inconvenient now at times.
My lesson to you:
ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF YOUR ASS!!!
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