A compromise, then, could be to allow #1 to receive the item and everyone else on the list have a certain chance (e.g. 30% or something) of also getting a copy. This is similar to other games' loot systems (e.g. WOW) and I can tell you from personal experience that it make an immense difference in addressing these types of issues.
I would like to believe we can enact change if we encourage and push for better mechanics and not allow a few vocal people dictate them for all. As someone else said much earlier in the thread, this is one reason raid rules are as obscene as they are. Non-instanced raid bosses is the root of it, but that's for another discussion.
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