Boris Johnson’s pitch for a Hollywood blockbuster revealed.
‘Mission to Assyria’, starring a “a slack-jawed archaeologist,” Marmaduke Montmorency Burton, avenging ISIS’s cultural destruction. Marmaduke is, in Johnson’s imagination an “old Clooney/Connery/Eastwood type geezer in his fifties,” with SAS connections. The female lead, an archaeologist, is “gorgeous but scholarly” (naturally). He hopefully suggests Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson.
“So, I imagine,” continues Boris of his opening scenes, “We begin with a sickening montage of atrocities: beheadings of innocent people in orange jumpsuits, torchings of Shias, rapes of Yazidi women, and footage of the smashing and the demolition of the Assyrian cities. These bestial crimes are orchestrated by a horrible cologne-drenched jihadi with an air of mincing menace.”