[Evia]

A Turn for the Worse by Skater Gnome


ok like yesterday was my first day back at hom from camp and it was very exciting

so like i get off the bus and my mom and dad are waiting on the steps and smiling and waving at me and its all like a kodak moment and stuff

so like i give my mom a hug but not my dad cause thats gross and my dads liek 'we have a present for you sun'

and im liek 'OMG IS IT ICE CREAM??'

and their like 'no'

and i'm all /glare

and so my dad hands me this box all wraped up and i tear it open and im all /giggle

and i get it open and OMG its all the eq action figures!!

and im like 'omg u guys are SO the rulest'

so i run upstairs to my room and im getting them all set up and forming little groups and to make it fair i put all of them against the monk

so like my brother walks in and hes like 'having fun playing with your dolls?'

and im like 'stfu dude theyr not dolls their action figures'

and hes liek 'ya kep playing with them and i guerentee thats the only action you'll ever get'

so I thought he was being mean but then he came over and I showed him all the figures and my favorite one was the big ogre with just one eye in the center of his head

so my phone rings and its j-mo and i'm like 'hello'

and hes like 'hey what r u doing'

and im like 'im playing with my one-eyed ogre'

and hes like 'omg dude wtf dont tell me gay stuff like that'

and im like 'wtf dude its not gay my brother likes it too'

and j-mos liek '*click*'

and i call him back and im like 'dude wtf'

and hes like 'dude wtf'

and im liek 'huh?'

and hes like 'forget it. come down to the skate park theres some new guys here that are trying to be cooler than us'

and im liek 'is that possible?'

and hes like 'i dont think so'

so i put away all the dolls, i mean action figures, but i wanted to take the one-eyed ogre with me to show j-mo

so i put on my cool-jeans and grab my board and head down to the park

so im walking up to the ramp and j-mo is liek' why are you walking like that?'

and im like 'this is my gangster stroll'

and hes like 'wtf its that??'

and im liek 'i dunno i saw it on tv but it makes me look cool'

and hes like 'no it doesnt stop doing it'

so that was the end of that

so were looking at these guys skating and they come skating over to us and theyre like 'you guys get lost ur not cool enough to skate here'

and im like 'omg dude we define cool we are even cooler than manaburn'

and j-mo is liek 'ya and manaburn is pretty damm cool'

and im all /agree

and theyre like 'we challenge you to a skate-off then'

and im liek 'you have ruined your own lands you will not ruin mine. your on'

so i decide to go against their best skater and we flip a coin and i have to go first

so i start skating and i skate reel good and everyones cheering and i finish and im like 'ahh, i feel much better now, n00b skater'

so its their skaters turn to go now and he starts his run and hes skating and im liek 'omg this guy is reely reely good'

so im thinking were gonna lose and that sux so im thinking how i can distract him so he messes up

so then i remember i have the ogre in my pants. so i wait till he skates close to me and suddenly i reach into my jeans and start pulling the monstor out and im like 'fear the one-eyed ogre, b!tch!!1!'

and he looks at me pulling my ogre outta my pants and hes like 'AHHH!!1! and he falls down and his crew is like 'omg dude wtf lets get outta here'

and they grab their boards and take off

and j-mo is like 'ohhhh, you literally DO have a one-eyed ogre. dude i think thats called ancient cyclops'

and im liek 'whatever'

and hes like 'and just why, exactly did you feel the need to keep it in your pants?'

and im liek 'it wouldnt fit in my pocket'

and he like 'oh. well it worked the poser skaters left'

and im like 'ya looks liek everyone else left too'

so liek the battle was won and the skater park was ours to rule once again