The Hobbits are rising... the farmers are roused!! Jumjumfarmer has a noble heart and makes my own soul tremble with hope, sing with joy!
Please, dear readers, consider the honesty, the loyalty of our common Jumjumfarmer, turning down bribes from the evil skeletons that regularly ransack Rivervale.
Now, compare it to the cannibalistic, heartless tendencies of the evil evils who have struck Filbus down...
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THIS IS EVIDENCE OF THEIR EVIL WAYS!
No, this sick elf did not brandish his magics and defend his city gates. Like a shit-clawed carrion bird he pilfered the body of his own guardians for a few platinum pieces. No honor - only fear and greed.
If you are rattled to your core, do not despair. The hobbit uprising has just begun. We are seeking more noble-hearted adventurers for our next strike to defeat the elves and to free Filbus!