Quote:
Originally Posted by captnamazing
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Filbus whirled around. Grumphilda had awoken. "I should have put another bottle in her," he thought angrily. The room smelled like gorilla now that his wife had awoken in a rage. Filbus went to her, dodging her flailing punches and kicks.
"Darling," Filbus said softly. "Darling dearest... I did it because I knew you needed more sleep. You've been working so hard lately, grinding xp with Sausagefingers so that one day you can be p99's number one naggy/vox tank. So I just thought 'why not let her sleep a while.' And I know how you like brandy up the bum."
Filbus withdrew the letter of RP contest he had received from the messenger. "But now that you're awake, dearest, what do you think of this?" The halfling asked, showing the letter to his buxom and sweaty wife.
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Grumphilda squinted forcefully at the letter. The runes on the parchment blurred and spun.
"OCH, YEH SNAKE, YER LITTLE BOTTLE TRICK IS STARTIN' TAE WORK! I CANNAE READ THE LETTER! WHAT'S IT SAY?"
Filbus took the letter from her, folded it back up, and put it in the storage compartment of his codpiece. "It says Tekilya Mockingbird is to be exiled for five years. It says he wishes to make amends with those he has wronged, to give back to the community that he fought so violently against, and he's going to select the greatest storyteller in Norrath and give them a cloak of flames."
Grumphilda screamed piercingly in excitement. As her entire body clenched in joy, a geyser of feces-contaminated brandy came spurting out of her anus onto the floor beneath her. It landed on a wolf-skin rug that Filbus had just brought back from the Western Wastes last week. Filbus had gone on a trip there for a few months. Grumphilda knew he had gone to track down and slaughter the family of the wolf who had sexually violated his friend Kekephee some time ago- the rug was his oldest son- but she was heretofor unaware that he had made a little stop in Thurgadin to visit the Thurgadin Exchange and his sweet little Hulda Butter.
"OCH," Grumphilda said as Filbus handed her a rag to try and blot the poopy brandy out of the carpet, "A CLOAK A' FLAMES! YEH KNOW AH'VE WANTED ONE A' THOSE FER SAE LONG!"
"I know, honey," Filbus said, knowing- and dreading- where this was headed.
"EVER SINCE YEH GAVE YER OLD ONE BACK TAE THE GUILD INSTEAD A' GIVIN' IT TAE ME," Grumphilda said suggestively, "AH'VE NAE BEEN AT THA' TOP A' ME GAME. AH'VE NAE BEEN FOIGHTIN' AS WELL. AH FEEL LOIKE AH KIN BE STRONGER, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN AH'M NAE PROPERLY EQUIPPED?"
"I know, honey," Filbus said again. It was coming.
"AH GUESS WHAT AH'M SAYIN', LAD, IS, YER A GREAT STORYTELLER, AREN'T YEH?"
"Yes, dear."
"WELL, LAD, WHAT IF YEH WERE TAE WIN THIS CONTEST? YEH HAVE NAE NEED OF THE CLOAK, YEH HAVE BETTER, BUT MAYBE THERE'S SOMEONE... SOMEONE YEH LOVE ENOUGH TAE GIVE IT TO?" Grumphilda delicately ran her finger across Filbus' chest and batted her eyelashes at him. Her eyes were crossed and glazed. Filbus sighed.
"Yes, dear." The trap was set!