Part 2 of 3: Dealing With Toxic People
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1Take a look at the company you keep. Do the people in your life bring out the best in you? Or are you being a sponge for their negativity? Using the criteria discussed in the previous section, try to come up with a list of potentially toxic relationships in your life, and a specific and detailed plan for dealing with them. Consider all of the following relationships:
* Your partner
* Your exes
* Friends
* Family members
* Co-workers
* Neighbors
* Acquaintances
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2Try accepting people for who they are. Toxic personalities are only toxic if they affect you negatively. You can be friends with angry people. You can be friends with negative people. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with them. Accept people for who they are and what they are like, and don't let them affect you.
* Accept yourself for who you are, too. If you're a positive person, you may not be able to hang out with negative types. That doesn't make you less of a person. You just need to know what's healthy for you.
* Negative emotions have a time limit. They won't last, and they'll be over soon. You do not need to carry the ball of negativity with you beyond the encounter.
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3Empathize. If people want to spread around their anxiety, turn their negative talk back. For example, if they insist that your new job is going to fail, ask them "Well, what if it doesn't?" Help them to see the possibilities rather than endless negatives.
* Don't try to change people. Remember that you can't change another person, only yourself, so don't bog yourself down with excuses about being responsible for them or feeling pity for them. You can only truly help a negative person when you're no longer influenced by them.[1]
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4Learn to tune it out. If you don't like what someone is saying, stop paying attention to it. Tune in to the positive and constructive parts of the conversation, and start daydreaming when this person goes into negative territory.
* Be supportive and positive with your side of the conversation. If your friend won't stop talking about how, "Work is terrible and I hate everything," don't get sucked into it. Say, "At least there's lunch." Doing this creates a space between you. It may make the negativity less frequent, if you show that you're unwilling to talk about these topics in this way.
* Use a little signal to remind yourself to listen selectively. It might be pulling a piece of your hair, digging your thumbnail into your palm, flicking your wrist, or tapping your knee. Remind your body that negativity is coming your way, and you need to avoid it.
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5Change the topic of conversation. If you don't like what someone is saying, change the topic of conversation. If you get negativity, just start talking about something else. Every time the person tries to steer the conversation negative, pull something else out to talk about. If your buddy wants to say "Work sucks and my boss is a jerk," then change it up. Say, "Yeah. At least football is good. What games did you watch on Sunday?"[2]
* If someone is looking to blame someone for a problem, stay calm. Focus on finding a solution to the problem and looking for the bright side, instead of getting sucked in.
* Stick to the facts with hot-tempered types. Point out what needs to be done to fix a problem. If they become more angry, remove yourself from them and allow them the space to calm down.
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6Start minimizing your interactions with toxic people. If you're struggling to deal with the negativity that people bring into your life, it may be time to start limiting those interactions significantly. You can't change the way that people behave, but you can remove yourself from the equation.
* If you regularly initiate your interactions with this person, stop. If this person stops getting in touch, take it as a sign that your relationship wasn't valuable to them in the first place.
* If someone asks you if something is wrong, be honest with them. Say, "I have trouble dealing with your negativity. You're regularly very negative, and I don't like the way it makes me feel. I like you, but I think we need to see less of each other."
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7End toxic relationships completely. If someone is really affecting your mental health and well-being with their negativity, end the relationship. Stop seeing the person, if they can't be positive around you.
* Don't try to use ultimatums if you're talking about someone's personality. Telling someone, "We can hang out, but only if you're not negative" would be like telling them you could only hang out if they were a different person. If it's not possible, come to terms with it. Be honest.