guides don't do shit for you sucker you want a guides help? yah well first you better butter them up good. see guides is like dry toast thats been in a fucking lavarock sauna. they are stale. and dry. and salty. cut off some of your fucking bellyfat and churn it into lard to rub upon the guide like a soothing balm. they will begin tickling u and this is how you know you've entered the First Gate. After that You better be fucking clever. and fast. because guides run about 10x faster than you, and if you don't keep them entertained, you're gonna be shitting blood for weeks after they pummel your tight little pervert butthole into sloppy joe meat. IF you manage to entertain the guide, then they will reveal their True Name to you, and this is how you know you've gotten through the Second Gate.
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