The more questions I asked, the darker this quest became. A long night alone in a dark hobbit-hole with a few bottles of JumJum had me looking into things that I should never have pursued.
Portasaurus... greengrocer... pleatlord... platelord... platlord(still need confirmation on this one)... splatlord... bluntlord...
Why was my friend so obsessed with being "Lord?" There was a
ring to this question that sent shivers down my spine.
Portasaurus. Is this name a dinosaur who ports people? That's what the plebes are led to believe. But pull apart the name... Port-A-Saur-Us
Port: a harbor
A: of, or to
Saur: ????
Us: We, inclusive pronoun
Then it hit me. All of the Lord names began to Ring in my ears.
Saur = Sauron
Port-a-Sauron-Us
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Greengrocer is a port for Sauron to control us. Jared Fogle is the Dark Lord returned. Subway/p99 is Mordor. Rogean is the Witch King of Angmar, and each of the GMs are the ringwraiths.
I hear shrieking outside my hobbit hole. They have come for me. It's time to kick ass and drink JumJum, and I'm all out of Jum.