I play from China and have similar issues. Mine also usually fails to load server select without a VPN on. 9/10 its just blank, but then i use VPN and am fine np. Downside is playing with shitty ping.
But as far as lagging out, yea. Internet usually bites the dust when server pop is high, zone pop is high, or on bum rush type events like VS rush. It actually severs the VPN connection, im not sure how that works, but it kills my whole connection and i must reconnect entirely. Typically fine in places like hate or sky.
One guess - since im using a vpn its through a proxy at some point, im guess there is a flood of request or something from the server side, and it triggers a ddos warning and cuts my connection off. i have no idea, but it sounds plausible if theres a flood of some BS from server side, if your anti-hack code theory is correct, or if something similar exists at eqemu.
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