I too am ashamed to admit that I was once an Atheist. Everyone knows that a magical creature dictates what happens in nature. This creature is hard to accept as real, but we must have faith that he is going to lead us to the magical beer volcano that is littered with strippers.
I too denounced god, then one day he reached down from the heavens and touched me with his noodly appendage. I saw with my own eyes his enormous balls, and he promised me salvation at the great beer volcano.
All hail the flying spaghetti monster.
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