First off, there are a lot of people of both genders who suck, are average, and great at games. It seems like if a guy is horrible, they are just remembered as a bad player. If a woman is horrible, they are remembered as a bad female player.
People encounter women who either don't want to play or who are doing content they are not good enough for because their boyfriend or husband is getting them to give the game a try. He does the hard content, and she has no idea what is going on. Not necessarily because she sucks at games, but because she is new but is not going through the normal "new" process. I would see this happen on DDO, where the new person should be doing normal to learn the game, not the hardest setting.
Also, another part of the problem with bad players are, guys will sometimes just let women play poorly and stay in the group when those same guys would kick a male player out, or be more harsh on him playing bad. The guy who was told what he is doing wrong and/or booted will be forced to correct their mistakes or stop playing. If the female is playing poorly but you just let her do it, she probably doesn't even realize she is playing poorly. Then she gets to a high level by being carried through the content and other guys who group with them think, "Wow this woman sucks... women are so bad at this game."
As far as free items go, I've never been given more when I was new to a game than I give to random people who need help. I'm sure this happens sometimes, but not often. I think guys have confirmation bias. Some people just think this is the norm when it isn't. The ones who "test" this think someone is being kind to them on their male character, and then their female character is shown this same kindness and "omgz womenz get the free stuffs! I knew it!"
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