My cooking has been uninspired lately, and I feel all Depression Level: Van Gogh about it.
So today I was like, "What would I make for breakfast IF I was inspired?" and of course the answer was:
Waffles.
With Kahlua syrup.
So the thing with waffles is, a lot of people had a bad experience with a waffle iron and are afraid to try again. Pancakes are so much easier, right?
Here's how we fix your delicate psyche and build up your waffle confidence again:
IRON RULES
1) Thou shalt not use pancake batter in a waffle iron. Use the recipe below.
2) IF your waffle iron isn't seasoned with decades of grease and oil, use cooking spray.
3) Ignore the "indicator" light. The true indicator of a waffle's doneness is watching the steam. When the steam stops, the waffle's done and is turning golden brown and good to pull out.
4) The first few waffles will be light colored and floppier than a raid full of monks and necros breaking into PoFear. They're still edible; just understand that as the iron heats up and the grease renders down and the sugars in the waffle caramelize, future waffles will be more properly golden brown.
Waffle batter:
(This is a labor of love. It takes some modicum of effort. If this bothers you, go buy some Eggo© Chemical Shitstorm flavor frozen GMO waffle food product with natural and artificial flavors and colors).
1 3/4 cups of Flour
2 Teaspoons of Baking Powder
1 Tablespoon of Sugar
1/2 Teaspoon of Salt
(^these are dry ingredients. Whisk them together in a bowl and set aside)
3 egg yolks (separate from the whites; we need to whip the whites)
1 3/4 cups of milk
1 TBSP vanilla extract
(beat the yolks, add the milk and beat more, then add the vanilla and watch it swirl all trippy before beating that, too)
1/2 cup of Vegetable oil
(Add the wet to the dry, mix 'em up, then beat the oil into that mixture last)
3 egg whites
(beat these with an egg beater or an electric mixer, until stiff peaks form. You can use a whisk or push whisk or a forking fork too; just pretend you're rubbing one out, it's the same muscles and speed)
(ed.: Why do you think it's called 'beating' eggs?)
(fold the egg whites into the rest of the batter until just combined, but still floofy)
Directions(if you can't read my interspersed italics)
1) Mix all dry ingredients.
2) Combine Yolks and milk and vanilla.
3) Stir your new beige milk into dry ingredients.
4) Stir the oil into your batter.
5) Beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. STIFF peaks, not just any peaks! Beat them as much as they can be beaten before breaking down.
6) ~gently fold~ egg whites into the batter. You are now ready to cook.
7) Optional: (But good policy) preheat oven to 170 F or 250 F or whatever its lowest setting is. You can only cook one waffle at a time on your iron, so you need to keep them hot. So put them on a rack or plate or pan or something in the oven.
8) Spray waffle iron with non-stick spray unless it's an ancient waffle iron that has decades of grease buildup. When in doubt, spray or add oil with a high smoking point.
9) Pour 1/2 cup on to the waffle iron, dead center. Yeah I know it's weird, and looks like almost jello consistency, but that's how waffle batter should be. Life is not a Bisquick commercial. You think half a cup isn't enough, and want to use a full cup? How bout you shut the full cup(at least try 1/2 first)
9) Cook the waffle until no more steam is coming out. Be patient. I'm talking about 2-5 minutes, on high, per waffle. They should fall right out (or with a gentle nudge from a fork, fall right out) like yo momma's teeth after all that meth she smoked.
Repeat steps 8) through 10) if necessary.
Hot Kahlua Sizzurp
Hot Coffee Mod(You can save this shizz for last. It literally takes 2-3 minutes start to finish)
2/3 Cup of Kahlua or Tia Maria Liqueur
1/3 Cup of Water
3 Tablespoons of Honey
Mix in a pan. Heat it up and simmer, 2-3 minutes. Freebase the evaporated alcohol. It burns because it's coffee fumes, too. That's the smell of adulthood.
Once it doesn't smell like alcohol anymore, or 2-3 minutes have gone by, it's ready. (Personally I cut the recipe in half and it was plenty for 2 people)
Because the syrup is cloyingly sweet, drink some black coffee (with maybe just a pinch of salt) for the perfect pairing.
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