None of that shit matters dude. Maybe you're just wired for self loathing, maybe you're bi-polar, maybe you smoke too much cannabis. Accept it, be a dick, and know that it doesn't matter what you look like, who you are, we all end up in the same place and it doesn't make a difference if people hate you or mourn you when you're gone. The numbers in either direction don't mean a thing when you're worm chow (or ash.) Very few of us will even be remembered for more than two generations -- so do whatever the hell you want in life and forget the consequences; shape your world how you want it and to hell with the consequences.
Pills really don't work, but if you must try one I recommend Paxil. It has the best results over the years, and it can help premature ejaculation
[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] (which a lot of self loathing guys tend to have) It's not going to help you sleep though.