I'm going to take you at face value and assume this isn't a troll. If it is, okay, haha, joke's on me.
It's really hell getting over childhood stuff. It might take you a long time, but realize that it's possible. You can change the way you think about things.
There are some cultural things happening right now that aren't good for anyone. Humans have evolved to operate in cooperation. Individually, we are inferior to many other animals. As a group, we are almost unstoppable.
I think you need to find something to belong to. I don't know what that will be for you. Maybe it's something with a church. Maybe it's a therapy group. Maybe it's something volunteering. Maybe it's a career start that you really believe in. Maybe it's the love of a good woman.
This economy doesn't make things easy, either. When you're trying to do all the right things and you still can't find a decent job, it's really damned frustrating. Society measures us men in large part based on how financially successful we are. Things will get better. The media makes it sound like the end of the world, but this is really just a cyclical economy. If you can, try to remember this time when things are better and save up for the bad times, because there will be other bad times in your life, too.
You're 24 years old. You're a very young man. You can do almost anything with your life. If you want to be a doctor or a scientist or a lawyer or whatever you can imagine, you have plenty of time. I'd recommend making a five year plan. Figure out where you want to be when you're 29 and figure out how to get there. It sounds to me like you're a man who is good at setting goals and working toward them.
Stay away from drugs and alcohol. There are no answers there and you will lose years of your life with nothing to show for them. Take a hard look at your diet. Are you consuming a lot of powerful central nervous system stimulants that society treats casually? How much caffeine are you taking in? How about sugar? You might want to eliminate or minimize both of those. They both have cumulative effects that people don't talk about.
Do you exercise? I assume so, based on your physical changes. Do you find exercise relaxing? If your routine isn't helping, you might want to change it. Intense exercises like running and lifting weights can be over-stimulating instead of relaxing. Perhaps it would help to walk or swim or look into something like yoga or tai chi.
The most important thing, from my perspective, is for you to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you can make good choices. You also need to remember that you're human and that you can and will make mistakes. When that happens, it doesn't mean that you're worthless or that your abilities are questionable. It's just a mistake. Fix it, apologize, do what you have to do to put it behind you and move on.
The path is different for everyone, but I think you'll find your way. I wish you well.
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