Take all the pills because whatever doesn't kill you makes you God.
Seriously though, I know your feels. I've been an everyday smoker since I was thirteen, so 20 years, and between then-and-now have abused the whole curriculum of drugs. I went through court-ordered in-patient rehabs and mandatory testing, daily breathalizers, copious therapy sessions with outright quacks, saw friends die and never quit. Finally, I moved a thousand miles from where I grew up and there went my connections. Of course, I moved to Oregon so pot was still a cinch to come by and I kept drinking like an absolute fucking maniac - I worked from home and would frequently drink in excess of 50 beers in a day. I'd wake up and find I'd smashed all my furniture or windows or computers.
In the end, I only changed because I met my wife. Oh shit, I'm sorry - I thought I had some advice for you. Uh, become lovable, I guess. Haha, good luck with that you utterly repulsive piece of human wreckage!
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