Holly Windstalker is a Neurotic Bitch
 

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"Holly Windstalker is a neurotic bitch," Larsk Juton tells me. He looks around anxiously. "She's not here right now, right?"

"She and I dated for a while. Never get involved with your students. I learned my lesson, all right."

After that, Larsk wouldn't say much more. Something about the Ranger code of ethics, how they can't talk about the inner workings of their guild. But, I know a thing or two about getting information, and after a weekend spent getting rowdy in the Qeynos brothel, Larsk spills the beans.

"Don't get me wrong," Larsk says. His lips are wet with bourbon and there are drops of spit staining his shirt. "Most rangers are into it. Fucking animals, I mean. Karana knows I've had my fun with some centaurs. Right? RIGHT?!" He roars with laughter, slapping my knee.

"Well, after she and I started having issues, I noticed she hung out a lot with Mammoth. The big ass bear, you know. I guess they started doing a little more than 'hanging out." Larsk blinks. "Me and the other Masters had a little chat. Decide that it's inappropriate. So we give her the boot. Tell her to go on a Long Hunt, meaning don't show your stupid bear-loving face here for three years."

"I'm not proud of it," Larsk admits, "but I ended up tracking her out into Qeynos Hills. I guess I sort of loved her. You know. Definitely jealous. Pretty quick I roll up on her camp, and there she is, fucking another bear. Just some random bear from the forest. I put a few arrows into its side and the bear dies, and Holly climbs up from under the corpse and comes at me, totally naked, starts trying to cut me with her two fucking swords, calling me all sorts of names and shit. Fucking bitch. I snared her and ran back to Surefall Glade. Never saw her again. Hopefully she gets raped to death by some gnolls. Or something."

I leave Larsk passed out in a pool of vomit. I have no sympathy for a centaur-fucker. On my way back to Rivervale I'm going to make sure to kill a couple bears.

that red haired bitch

You are a wordsmith of exceptional quality.

If we ever meet in-game, there shall be an RP Battle. It's sort of like a Rap Battle except no one has a gun and nothing rhymes.

8/10 would plow

"Hey Larsk," I say, "you know what they say about the crazy ones bei-"
"No," he interrupts me. "No. Don't. It's not worth it."

So do we really consider centaurs animals? I mean it seems a little insensitive. Doesnt it? We don't even consider Trolls or Iksar as animals and they're way more haggard than a centaur. Centaur rights, 2015!

sounds both classic and accurate imo.

my very first character was a human SK, i got up to level 4 and ventured to the Qeynos Hills. i played on a PvP teams server, so i was not afraid of other humans. i saw a human lady and ran up to her, and she saw me and ran towards me and right when i thought we'd embrace, she murdered me. and then she corpse camped me. i rerolled an Erudite Mage.

GG Holly

Reading your threads makes me want to play Everquest again.

I don't know who you are sir, but this story was hilarious. Very much enjoyed it.

9/10.

Would have been a 10, but it needed a twist. Like him joining in or something. M. Night Shyamalan and shit.