Project 1999 - Sources are talking: Gongshow so embarrassed by recent threads he won't visit forums

Kid has been taking a walloping on the forums from all sides of the globe. Smedy has been jabbing from the wintery lands of Sveden, I've been uppercutting him here locally, etc. Sources are telling me he has no where to turn except into his digital worlds, his immersion in Norrath has waned in recent dark times of Nilly dragon slaying, but he has entered the matrix on FFXI, WoW, and Tera. That's right, he's plugged into all 3 worlds and has checked out of his real life. His only real life responsibilities are eating Arbies for sustenance and hopping in the shower after his IBS flareups to stay clean down there.

I feel bad for the kid... he leveled up his first monk to level 60 - that was his pride and joy. He was so excited to PVE with the Duke and show him how good he was at flying kicks and dragon strikes. He got all the pixels his heart could dream for, but then one day, this one asshole had to come and rip it all down. He flying kicked higher, he auto attacked stronger, it was almost as if he could RUN faster innately. That asshole was the Grandmaster and he took Gongshows youth, his virginity, his soul. In one round, he flying kicked and double attacked Gongshows pride and joy out of the best of the best and into the grave.

...The following day, Gongshow did what he always did: He unwrapped his arbies bag, set up all the cheeseburgers in a tight neat little pile next to his cum rags, he squeeky wheeled into the lock position at his computer desk, and he hit those magical letters to unlock his account and enter the great world of Norrath.

Except this time was different. He didn't load up Gongshow, because Gongshow was DEAD to him. How could his pride and joy fail him in front of the Duke? How could all of his new friends in Nihilum laugh at him for a first round ground and pound? It wasn't fair. He knew what had to be done, and that meant burying Gongshow so no one would remember his utter failure.

That day? That day Sauceboss was born. Iksar monk, got him to level 60, but titleless. Each time he logs in, it has a sour note. He can't do it anymore, he's mentally retreated into his other digital worlds. And now... sources tell us he can't even come to his alma mater forums, he's almost dead inside. Poor guy. All because of that asshole Cwall and the true saucebosses: Smedy and Cast.