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Danth 10-04-2022 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unsunghero (Post 3514149)
...

Your experiences you describe are largely alien to me. I have no experience dating as an adult. I was never anyone's "back up." I could not tolerate such ill-treatment. I asked out my first girlfriend when I was 11 in sixth grade. That well might've lasted permanently, we were plenty fond of each other, but fate had other ideas and it ended due to a long-distance move when we were 16. After I got done feeling sorry about that I went on a bunch of single dates with the occasional second date. If I determined a gal wasn't a potentially suitable wife, it was terminated and I looked elsewhere. Then and now I never saw the point in wasting time on obvious dead-ends. I had given the matter enough thought I had an idea of what criteria were necessary. Due to the mass-effort almost assembly-line-like philosophy I ended up meeting the wife when I was 18. Decades later we're still together obviously. If something were to happen to her I wouldn't even know where to start.

I wonder if what you talk about people acting in their own interest is a function of middle-aged adult dating. It's a vastly different situation. The best women are mostly long since married. You have a lot of sluts who realize their biological clock is ticking, some divorcees who were too intolerable for anyone to stay married to, and a smattering of divorcees who got out of bad relationships. Maybe the rare widow due to things like traffic crashes, etc. Many of them will have kids of their own, and all of them have established lives and priorities beyond, well, you. Same for you for that matter, you have your own life and household and anyone you get together with has to fit into it; you aren't building a life together in the manner of young adults just starting out. Some of what I see you post, now and then, seems very odd to me but I try to remind myself you're living in a situaton I've never experienced myself and frankly don't have a ton of idea how to deal with if I had to.

Danth

unsunghero 10-04-2022 08:21 PM

^
Oh no if anything it was far more common when I was younger

I try to differentiate between “back up” and friendzone. Friendzone can be someone who likes you but that you have zero romantic attraction towards. With a “back up”, there is at least the possibility of some attraction. That’s the difference in those terms when I use them. A back up is someone you friendzoned until maybe you are tired of being single or on a rebound

In order to have romantic partners and backups you have to generally socialize with a decent amount of people near to your age on a regular basis. Usually within the first few minutes-hours of socializing with someone you can have an idea if you could sleep with that person, based on your personal standards and their looks/personality. I’m assuming women are the same way in how they think. So let’s say you know 10 different single women. Some are friends, some are co-workers let’s say. Of those 10, you could hook up with maybe 3 of those, the rest you are just not attracted to for whatever reason (maybe they’re too out of shape, personality too annoying, whatever). Whether you are conscious of it or not, those 3 you could sleep with you arrange into a hierarchy in your mind. The one you are most attracted to/compatible with, and then the next 2 in line. This ranking is not something done consciously though. It’s not like someone sits down and makes lists of who is most fuckable of their friends, it just happens

It’s far more likely that the next 2 in line don’t end up being a back up due to circumstance. Maybe they get in a relationship, maybe they move, whatever. But if not, some people will deliberately keep them around because there is some level of romantic possibility there, they’re just not their first choice

Sorry, hope I don’t come across as too sociopathic with this line of thinking, but like I said, I think more people do this than you think, especially younger people

Danth 10-04-2022 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unsunghero (Post 3514251)
Sorry, hope I don’t come across as too sociopathic with this line of thinking, but like I said, I think more people do this than you think, especially younger people

Not the word I'd use, no. We're very different people obviously. I never dated with sex as a main priority, never had any interest in "hook ups" or "flings," just isn't how my mind is wired. I understood, if nebulously, even as a kid that physical intimacy comes with long-term relationships as part of the package. I only ever dated for the purpose of finding a potential wife.

I've known some people who were relegated to an obvious "back up" status at various times. Millennials for whatever reason seem way more prone to such things. My advice has always been, grow some self respect, don't let yourself be mistreated so badly, find someone else. Seems to me that a relationship with a "back up," who isn't preferred by definition, must be more likely to fail.

Jibartik 10-04-2022 09:46 PM

Women should wear american flag burkas because they abuse their sexuality to rot the minds of our children.

magnetaress 10-04-2022 10:04 PM

So TLDR the hip thing to do now-a-days is lock it down to body type 1 at character creation and never show skin on character models?

eisley 10-04-2022 11:36 PM

this thread is pretty accurate tbh

Encroaching Death 10-05-2022 06:11 AM

I just see a hole and I dive right in

Patrece 10-05-2022 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danth (Post 3514237)
If I determined a gal wasn't a potentially suitable wife, it was terminated and I looked elsewhere.

Based Danth


Kaveh 10-05-2022 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Encroaching Death (Post 3513967)

Dam I lol’d at this harder than I should’ve

Kaveh 10-05-2022 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danth (Post 3513939)
It's curious how many people seem oblivious to that. Maybe desperation causes folks to lower their standards? If someone'll cheat on someone else, that someone will cheat on you just as readily. That applies to men and women both, works both ways. You should trust a cheat like you trust a scorpion--as something that will predictably act according to its nature because it knows no different.

Yeah I hear “marriage ends in divorce 50% of the time, why would I do it!” A lot

The short answer is no reason to unless you want kids. The long answer is marriage is only as good as the people involved


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