Not acting hard behind a keyboard, is that your idea of "real society"?

I don't think you need to commit a crime and be penetrated in order to experience that, sorry. Going outside every once in awhile works just fine for most people.

Red: You're gonna fit right in. Everyone in here is innocent, you know that? Heywood, what you in here for?

Heywood: Didn't do it. Lawyer fucked me.

Know much about accountancy? Could do the guards tax returns and get extra priveliges :p

Get liquid soap sir.

Don't forget your rock hammer and jane mansfield poster :)

It is general knowledge that you don't talk to CO's. Inmates will get the wrong idea if you're seen chatting with them too long and think you're a snitch. Worst case scenario you'll get a shiv to the kidney.

gaffin you're stupider than dredge

works real gud as lube

I'll give you some rules:

#1 people in there are not your friend, if someone is overly friendly the moment you hit the block don't trust him, keep your distance and your guard up; he's trying to sucker you into following him somewhere (to play cards, his bunk to show you something etc.) he's trying to lure you away from CO's and security cameras so him and his pals can shake you down for commissary money.

Point blank, you don't want a couple dudes beating the shit out of you to get your book money.

#2 Force rules here, if someone's starts shit you best be the one that finishes it; it doesn't matter if knocking some dude out will get you sent to the hole or revokes your privileges, 90-days in solitary is much better than that one inmate telling a hundred others that you're a bitch/punk/pussy because if they sense any weakness from you then your next 18 months will be decided by whoever decides to fuck with you the most.

#3 When eating never eat in the center of the room, as you can be attacked from all sides, try to get a table near a wall.

#4 Don't talk any shit, don't brag about anything; keep your head down and only be cordial if you have to.

#5 Don't talk about any personal shit, like where you're from or who you're related to; lie if you have to because people on the inside have people on the outside and if they really want to extort you they can and will go after your friends and family.

#6 When buying commissary only buy what you think you need for the week, if you hard and buy a shit ton of soda, candy, ramen etc. then you're making yourself a target for robbery and extortion; remember you're sharing your cell with criminals so don't just leave property around or show these other criminals that you have money.

#7 Stick with your own race, prison is racist as shit and if you're a white dude and you're talking to some latino or some black rather frequently you make yourself out to be a target by racially-influenced gangs; in short stick with your own skin color to avoid an ass raping by the Aryans.

#8 Spend as much time in your cell working out and reading, less time out n the block = less chance of making enemies or getting caught up in shit.

#9 On the yard occupy yourself as much as possible, show that you're physically strong, if you sit around talking and looking like a stick you then become a target; people are less likely to jump you if you look "tough" as opposed to some lanky nerd.

#10 Don't tell on anybody period, even if it's the most minor of things like an inmate sneaking cigarettes; you tell anyone else or god forbid a C.O then you're in trouble pal.