Project 1999 - ~~~ Official 2015 Poetry thread ~~~

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the planes
Not a creature was stirring, not even samhains;
The poopsocks were hung by the ledge with care,
In hopes that Trakanon soon would be there;
The casuals were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of pixels danced in their heads;
And Firionia in her loincloth, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's fap,

When there on the batphone there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my login to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore closed the shutters, threw down the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Made glare on my screen with the strength of its glow,
Then what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a hundred BDA and Venril Sathir,
With a big old raid leader so fat and obsessed,
I knew in a moment he must be Chest.

More rapid than eagles his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Kushie! now, Skarry! now Sikorsky and Sirken!
Come, Keke! Come, Filbus! Hurry up and petition!
To the top of the castle! to the top of the wall!
Now feign away! feign away! feign away all!"
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So around VS lair the raiders they flew
With a train full of mobs, and Venril Sathir too--

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in voice chat
The heavy breathing of unimaginable fat.
As I drew in my headphones, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Tiggles came with a bound.
Into my ears came the most depressing sounds,
Like Michael Cera plus a few hundred pounds;
A bundle of pokemon he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedophile just opening his pack.
His eyes--how they've wrinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his neck looked wet as the snow;
The crust of a pizza he held tight in his teeth,
And the grease, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon he was posting thread after thread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the forums; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He shed several diabetes-ridden toes;

He sprang to his motor-scooter, to his mother gave a yell,
And away they drove at the speed of smell.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight--
"Merry Christmas to all, and Harrison was right!"