1812
We won the war of 1812. The treaty of Ghent basically said, "reset to prewar conditions, but US also gets fishing rights in the Gulf of St. Lawrence." A marginal victory, but a victory none the less.

Grenada
WTF? Didn't you see "Heartbreak Ridge?" We won this one too, thanks to Clint Eastwood and other hard-charging recon Marines.

Civil War
Our national government won this one. The government which is in power now is a continuation of that government, while the revolting government was destroyed. So we won this one too, unless you are a big fan of slavery, then I could see how you would think that we lost.

Pearl Harbor
Yes, we lost a battle when we didn't even know we were at war. But we still won the war, which is what matters.

Viet Nam
We kicked ass in PvP. Only about 59,000 Americans died, while they suffered 1-3 MILLION deaths. We didn't lose, we just got bored and decided to log off and play something else.

Space Race pt 1
Similar to Pearl Harbor. We didn't know we were in a space race till Sputnik was launched. After losing the opening battle, we still ended up winning the war with the commies not even being close to landing on the moon.

1929
What?

addendum:
Technically the space race wasn't PvP. It was more of a 4X type of game.

Capture the Flag.

Capture the flag w/o shooting is still not PvP.

"When white man find land: Indians running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water, Women do all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.

Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

--"Two Eagles", Indian Chief

I'm guessing Abacab doesn't read many history books. It's much more entertaining to troll a forum for a game he can't play.

If you want to further substantiate the PvP-asskicking claim, the Battle of New Orleans cements it.
Jackson's 2300 troops defeated the nearly 12,000 British, with only 350 Americans killed or wounded to the 2500 Brits killed/wounded.

In Abacab's defense, if he is referring to the entirety of the war and sheer casualty numbers (which may or may not be the case, but paying devil's advocate here), he is accurate:

British KIA ~1600 Wounded ~3600
American KIA ~2200 Wounded ~4500

Also, take into consideration the fact that the British veteran forces were pre-occupied in a tiny matter over in Europe called the Napoleonic Wars leaving the American forces to face otherwise far less experienced British forces and still suffer greater losses. Coupled with the fact that the British burned many government facilities in Washington DC while occupying Washington DC for a time during the war.

Based upon all this and negligible territory victory that may have been achieved from a war that was started by the United States against the British, there is no Victor in the War of 1812. The only true victory in the war was the period of peace that followed between the British and United States following what was basically a stalemate and the realization that the war served to benefit neither party.

Friendly Fire.

By that logic, who won WWII? More than 20 million dead Russians after all.