Originally Posted by Danth (Post 3514237)

Your experiences you describe are largely alien to me. I have no experience dating as an adult. I was never anyone's "back up." I could not tolerate such ill-treatment. I asked out my first girlfriend when I was 11 in sixth grade. That well might've lasted permanently, we were plenty fond of each other, but fate had other ideas and it ended due to a long-distance move when we were 16. After I got done feeling sorry about that I went on a bunch of single dates with the occasional second date. If I determined a gal wasn't a potentially suitable wife, it was terminated and I looked elsewhere. Then and now I never saw the point in wasting time on obvious dead-ends. I had given the matter enough thought I had an idea of what criteria were necessary. Due to the mass-effort almost assembly-line-like philosophy I ended up meeting the wife when I was 18. Decades later we're still together obviously. If something were to happen to her I wouldn't even know where to start.

I wonder if what you talk about people acting in their own interest is a function of middle-aged adult dating. It's a vastly different situation. The best women are mostly long since married. You have a lot of sluts who realize their biological clock is ticking, some divorcees who were too intolerable for anyone to stay married to, and a smattering of divorcees who got out of bad relationships. Maybe the rare widow due to things like traffic crashes, etc. Many of them will have kids of their own, and all of them have established lives and priorities beyond, well, you. Same for you for that matter, you have your own life and household and anyone you get together with has to fit into it; you aren't building a life together in the manner of young adults just starting out. Some of what I see you post, now and then, seems very odd to me but I try to remind myself you're living in a situaton I've never experienced myself and frankly don't have a ton of idea how to deal with if I had to.

Danth

Originally Posted by unsunghero (Post 3514251)

^
Oh no if anything it was far more common when I was younger

I try to differentiate between “back up” and friendzone. Friendzone can be someone who likes you but that you have zero romantic attraction towards. With a “back up”, there is at least the possibility of some attraction. That’s the difference in those terms when I use them. A back up is someone you friendzoned until maybe you are tired of being single or on a rebound

In order to have romantic partners and backups you have to generally socialize with a decent amount of people near to your age on a regular basis. Usually within the first few minutes-hours of socializing with someone you can have an idea if you could sleep with that person, based on your personal standards and their looks/personality. I’m assuming women are the same way in how they think. So let’s say you know 10 different single women. Some are friends, some are co-workers let’s say. Of those 10, you could hook up with maybe 3 of those, the rest you are just not attracted to for whatever reason (maybe they’re too out of shape, personality too annoying, whatever). Whether you are conscious of it or not, those 3 you could sleep with you arrange into a hierarchy in your mind. The one you are most attracted to/compatible with, and then the next 2 in line. This ranking is not something done consciously though. It’s not like someone sits down and makes lists of who is most fuckable of their friends, it just happens

It’s far more likely that the next 2 in line don’t end up being a back up due to circumstance. Maybe they get in a relationship, maybe they move, whatever. But if not, some people will deliberately keep them around because there is some level of romantic possibility there, they’re just not their first choice

Sorry, hope I don’t come across as too sociopathic with this line of thinking, but like I said, I think more people do this than you think, especially younger people

Originally Posted by Kaveh (Post 3514655)

Yeah I hear “marriage ends in divorce 50% of the time, why would I do it!” A lot

The short answer is no reason to unless you want kids. The long answer is marriage is only as good as the people involved

Originally Posted by Encroaching Death (Post 3514660)

Security when you get old too.

But I don't want to have kids JUST because I have someone to take care of me when I'm old.

I suppose there's always snorting a few lines and flipping the Corvette when I'm ready to die.

I don't want to live in an Amazon Jeff Bezos Nursing Home Pod or whatever hellscape they'll invent.

Originally Posted by Kaveh (Post 3514669)

Kids are expensive and difficult. They’re cool too

Bottom line is you just have to know yourself and not be playing games with either yourself or a woman. They’ll see through your bull shit like a horse can smell fear

Godbelss

Originally Posted by Basanos (Post 3513649)

The crucial flaw in this plan is being able to talk to women

Originally Posted by hobart (Post 3514867)

Women, for starters, are typically less racist and hateful than angry white 40-year-old virgins.

Originally Posted by hobart (Post 3514867)

Women, for starters, are typically less racist and hateful than angry white 40-year-old virgins.

Originally Posted by hobart (Post 3514867)

Women, for starters, are typically less racist and hateful than angry white 40-year-old virgins.