Judgement
04-17-2010, 02:59 AM
Two intact, adobe tablets were unearthed near San Bernadino, CA on January 17, 2010, after Taco Bell founder Glen Bell's final, gasping utterances revealed a set of coordinates for the site. The tablets, encased in a bell-shaped sarcophagus, and scribed in cuneiform, have subsequently been carbon dated to the 26th century B.C.
Scientists, amazed to discover the ancient tablets in the Americas, still have no explanation for how the tablets came to be buried at the site. No indigenous civilization native to the area of burial is currently known to exist at the time of the burial. Doubly vexing is the origin of the adobe clay used to create the tablets - from a location estimated to approximately reside at the present-day border of Texas and Mexico.
Careful cross-reference of the Behistun Inscriptions in present-day Saudi Arabia reveal an ancient set of commandments enshrouded in a prophesy. The obvious parallel of these two tablets inscribed with ten commandments with the biblical ten commandments has sent shockwaves through both the religious and secular communities. The prophecy tells of an industrious man of military background who will dwell in "the land of the setting sun". This man, through divine inspiration, perhaps a vision or genuflection, would set out to accomplish the task of creating a "house to cure all hunger" which would multiply to serve all the world, and become the "messiah of value". Astonishingly, it is evident that Glen Bell was this messiah foretold.
The commandments read as follows, in apparent order of importance from the tenth commandment to the first:
10. Thou shalt eschew thy hot sauce in favor of fire sauce, though the small chunks within the packet shall make difficult its dispensing,
9. Thou shalt, from time to time, honor the cinnamon crisps, though their flavor shall not deviate from the shell of the taco salad,
8. Thou shalt recognize the Fully Loaded Nachos menu item as the greatest value ever to appear in the history of (fast food) dining, and will remain so, forevermore.
7. Thou shalt never dine in the house to cure all hunger while the rooster is silent, if available (around 3-4 AM), or before eleven hours of the day's passing, if available, even though thou shalt crave it within moments of waking,
6. Thou shalt prefer the house to cure all hunger attended by workers of the sun-spoken flesh (mexican descent), for no reason other than the placetruth (authenticity) of the food prepared,
5. Thou shalt beware of false ingredients, neither partake in consumption of earthen blains (potatos), nor dragonkin of the deep (shrimp) whence partaking of the delights of the house to cure all hunger,
4. Thou shalt not honor any houses before Taco Bell, the one and only true bane of gastronomic need,
3. Thou shalt exalt the glory of the Baja Blast beverage, yet partake of it only when worshipping at, or to and fro from, the house to cure all hunger,
2. Thou shalt rejoice in the defecation of all the body's evils expunged by the glorious offerings of the house to cure all hunger,
1. Thou shalt NOT tilt thy Mexican Pizza.
Scientists speculate that additional tablets and Commandments of Taco Bell may be found in other regions after an inscription upon the bell-shaped sarcophagus read, "One of many".
Scientists, amazed to discover the ancient tablets in the Americas, still have no explanation for how the tablets came to be buried at the site. No indigenous civilization native to the area of burial is currently known to exist at the time of the burial. Doubly vexing is the origin of the adobe clay used to create the tablets - from a location estimated to approximately reside at the present-day border of Texas and Mexico.
Careful cross-reference of the Behistun Inscriptions in present-day Saudi Arabia reveal an ancient set of commandments enshrouded in a prophesy. The obvious parallel of these two tablets inscribed with ten commandments with the biblical ten commandments has sent shockwaves through both the religious and secular communities. The prophecy tells of an industrious man of military background who will dwell in "the land of the setting sun". This man, through divine inspiration, perhaps a vision or genuflection, would set out to accomplish the task of creating a "house to cure all hunger" which would multiply to serve all the world, and become the "messiah of value". Astonishingly, it is evident that Glen Bell was this messiah foretold.
The commandments read as follows, in apparent order of importance from the tenth commandment to the first:
10. Thou shalt eschew thy hot sauce in favor of fire sauce, though the small chunks within the packet shall make difficult its dispensing,
9. Thou shalt, from time to time, honor the cinnamon crisps, though their flavor shall not deviate from the shell of the taco salad,
8. Thou shalt recognize the Fully Loaded Nachos menu item as the greatest value ever to appear in the history of (fast food) dining, and will remain so, forevermore.
7. Thou shalt never dine in the house to cure all hunger while the rooster is silent, if available (around 3-4 AM), or before eleven hours of the day's passing, if available, even though thou shalt crave it within moments of waking,
6. Thou shalt prefer the house to cure all hunger attended by workers of the sun-spoken flesh (mexican descent), for no reason other than the placetruth (authenticity) of the food prepared,
5. Thou shalt beware of false ingredients, neither partake in consumption of earthen blains (potatos), nor dragonkin of the deep (shrimp) whence partaking of the delights of the house to cure all hunger,
4. Thou shalt not honor any houses before Taco Bell, the one and only true bane of gastronomic need,
3. Thou shalt exalt the glory of the Baja Blast beverage, yet partake of it only when worshipping at, or to and fro from, the house to cure all hunger,
2. Thou shalt rejoice in the defecation of all the body's evils expunged by the glorious offerings of the house to cure all hunger,
1. Thou shalt NOT tilt thy Mexican Pizza.
Scientists speculate that additional tablets and Commandments of Taco Bell may be found in other regions after an inscription upon the bell-shaped sarcophagus read, "One of many".