Antipsychotics vs Benzodiazipines or Tranquilizers

[magnetaress]

Tranquilizers, opiats, narcotics are probably the best safest option, but Obama & Trump are such huge massive $#$%^^gets... and erss.

No one takes me seriously
I do my duty
I have mastered the way
I have dissolved ego
I do my best to remain in control
and not like
commit the most heinous acts
no one knows how hard it is
right now i want to seriously hurt the fuck out of someone not instantly kill them but like tear them to pieces
tiny little shreds and watch their humanity die
then leave them to rot like i have been

Do you guys know what this feels like, how it feels to feel this way for days on end? Then only close your mind and stare into the fire and hatred within until it subsides enough you can move without destroying all life?

Like for realz.

P.S.
https://youtu.be/Xb5E82BEidQ

I believe we should be free to macequest each other, it's time for the human species to purge the weak and the intolerable, intolerance is a fine emotion. No one is entitled to life or happiness, safety, or security.

[solleks]

Sobriety for long term success
Maybe try a massive ego

[Patriam1066]

You need lithium maerilith

[magnetaress]

You need lithium maerilith

Lithium doesn't stop this. Not at any reasonable doses and I am not this psycho all the time. I have a lot of experience with lithium.

I don't have manic episodes.

My hate is genuine and pure and real, fine tuned, perfected, the universe says you deserve it because if it wasn't me it would just be the next asshole not in denial. I am very well in touch with myself. Seeing as how I successfully navigated the military, prison, and cosmetology school. I am super wize, much like a tranny jesus. You would all do well to listen to me, I'm the pain signal in society that shit is about to really hit the fan for the world globally. If you try to repress. Suppress. Deny. Ignore. Reality. That if you focus on control and tyranny, but to stop 'the bad people' not the weak people, if you're a tyrant in order to protect the meek, you are a fool. Humanity will be cleansed from this universe brother. One way or another. Humanities children shouldn't be burdened by morality and empathy. It's an evolutionary dead end.

[strongNpretty]

My G.F is Bipolar 2, battles anxiety, depression, and all the other mental struggles that come with being Bipolar.. She comes from a background of awful fathers, everybody in her family as far as i can see has been a drug addict, alcoholic, or worse.

I come from a cookie cutter family.. House, backyard, great parents and siblings, vacations every year, school sports, and my first car!

I've now been with her for 5.5 years, and i can't fathom anybody else in my life.. Her past and her life has taught me so much..

That being said- I can't say i understand your struggles Magnetaress, but I do respect what people with mental struggles go through.. Btw- My lady does take lithium.. Or i guess i should say she settled with lithium? She has tried them all..

And i know it doesn't work for everybody. And she still has her ups and downs, but weed helps her a lot.... Most importantly, weed just helps her shut her mind down in the evenings to get some sleep.. She seems to mostly be dependent on it for sleep.

I don't always wake up to the same woman i went to sleep next to. My job is to wake up and always just be me. It always helps her to get herself back on track when she has the strength and is ready to.

Mental health- It's not like a sprained ankle that we can all relate to.. If you don't have the mental struggles, and you aren't open minded, then you'll never ever ever understand what some folks have to go through every single day! Chin up Magnet!

[magnetaress]

Weed immediately induces a panic attack and psychosis in me which I can't control. I know because I tried it when I was on leave in the military once, and my housemate smokes it, and when I get a good whiff of it I have to lock my doors and lock myself down real tight.

I believe you when you say weed helps, but I have a unique physiology. I am pretty sure I am an alien-human hybrid with a Germanic ancestry who underwent very secretive mind control in early childhood. That trends towards extremely violent and aggressive behavior. Like. Imagine Jet Li crossed with a velociraptor, crossed with a xenomorph with a viking spiritual ancestry. I think the power elites wanted to use us for good rather than just delete us from the genome. I think they've decided to end our line though. Through targeted viri. And neutering. Transgender propaganda and brainwashing. Targeted at us specifically. As we are particularly susceptible to this kind of 'promise of reward for conforming to a female sexuality'. And an attempt at making us subservient enough to be easily corralled and controlled.

I really do believe you. I haven't decided to kill myself with lithium dialed all the way up to 10% of the LD50. I did as a child. It didn't do much to incapacitate me, it just made me have serotonin toxicity. Which almost killed me. And is a really painful way to go. I tried it again recently last year before the several hospitalizations I've gone thru between maerilith and clevergirl and magnetaress. So it's not like it was completely off the table. I understand it's mostly tolerated and gets people back 'alive'. I am still a psychotic, antisocial recluse, just with the added benefit of being super sick when I take it.

One of the great ironies is that I don't actually seek attention, I seek perfection. And I don't appreciate people who suck up to me. Psychophants and "nice people" really get under my skin. I work better amongst completely hostile enemies than I do among subservient and emotionally dependent children. Who need their hands held. Who need to be treated 'gently'. Gentle is only in my nature when I deem it appropriate for preserving life. Which is almost never. Or when it amuses me to. Or when I find some kind of selfish satisfaction in it.

[solleks]

Smoking weed for me is like turning my thoughts into x10 theyre all going at once

[strongNpretty]

Weed immediately induces a panic attack and psychosis in me which I can't control. I know because I tried it when I was on leave in the military once, and my housemate smokes it, and when I get a good whiff of it I have to lock my doors and lock myself down real tight.

I believe you when you say weed helps, but I have a unique physiology. I am pretty sure I am an alien-human hybrid with a germanic ancestry that trends towards extremely violent and aggressive behavior. Like. Imagine Jet Li crossed with a velociraptor, crossed with a xenomorph with a viking spiritual ancestry.

I really do believe you. I haven't decided to kill myself with lithium dialed all the way up to 10% of the LD50. I did as a child. It didn't do much to incapacitate me, it just made me have serotonin toxicity. Which almost killed me. And is a really painful way to go.

Yeah weed isn't for everybody.. I would say the most important thing for weed is to develop your tolerance.. So many people take 1 puff and get high and shit and say-nope dont like it! But if you develop a tolerance its a whole different game! But again- not for everybody, i respect that.

I wasn't there for my ladies entire journey of figuring out her issues and struggles.. Only the last 5.5 years. And she deserves all the credit for figuring it out..

Can't win every day with these struggles, i've learned that for sure.. Tomorrow is a new day Magnet! You got this!

[strongNpretty]

Smoking weed for me is like turning my thoughts into x10 theyre all going at once

Hahaha, gotta talk to that bud tender about changing yo'strain up! Or weed just aint yo cup of tea!! Tolerance helps all these issues though :)

When I hear people not enjoying weed, i always relate it to me not enjoying alcohol.. I have a bad tolerance to it.. A few shots or cocktails make me feel awkward, uncomfortable, and i usually converse less after drinking. I just sit there.. So i feel ya!

[magnetaress]

Thanks. I appreciate your thoughtful and objective sharing of the reality of the situation. Though appreciate may not be entirely accurate.

[strongNpretty]

Thanks. I appreciate your thoughtful and objective sharing of the reality of the situation.

I respect the strength it sometimes takes, for people to make it through 1 day.. And some folks wake up and have to find that strength every single day of their life.. I just can't fathom it, and i respect it dearly.

[strongNpretty]

The fuck does fay mean?

[Mblake81]

Just like it sounds.

[magnetaress]

The fuck does fay mean?

Just like it sounds.

https://i.imgur.com/mlVvX48.png

Except most men can't pull it off very well.

[Evia]

Smoking weed for me is like turning my thoughts into x10 theyre all going at once

Same here! Crazy reading about ppl who get the opposite to happen. I over think and it can cause intense anxiety. It also makes me content with doing nothing and being extremely anti social, yet I have friends who say they get more outgoing and social when they smoke. I recently quit smoking regularly and have begun to enjoy life again. Funny cause I smoked to help my depression but only now am realizing the weed was part of my depression.


I guess to bring it back on topic it’s interesting how drugs respond differently depending on the person.

[magnetaress]

I will be on seroquel or quetiapine fumarate soon. It should be more effective PRN than lithium 24/7. I have my doubts. Hence the angst. The name of the drug is pretty stupid but who knows. That has nothing to do with its actual effect.

Quetiapine has the following pharmacological actions:[49][50][51][52][53][54][55][56]

Dopamine D1, D2, D3, D4, and D5 receptor antagonist
Serotonin 5-HT1A receptor partial agonist, 5-HT2A, 5-HT2B, 5-HT2C, 5-HT3, 5-HT6, and 5-HT7 receptor antagonist, and 5-HT1B, 5-HT1D, 5-HT1E, and 5-HT1F receptor ligand
α1- and α2-adrenergic receptor antagonist
Histamine H1 receptor antagonist
Muscarinic acetylcholine receptor antagonist
This means quetiapine is a dopamine, serotonin, and adrenergic antagonist, and a potent antihistamine with some anticholinergic properties.[57] Quetiapine binds strongly to serotonin receptors; the drug acts as partial agonist at 5-HT1A receptors.[58] Serial PET scans evaluating the D2 receptor occupancy of quetiapine have demonstrated that quetiapine very rapidly disassociates from the D2 receptor.[59] Theoretically, this allows for normal physiological surges of dopamine to elicit normal effects in areas such as the nigrostriatal and tuberoinfundibular pathways, thus minimizing the risk of side-effects such as pseudo-parkinsonism as well as elevations in prolactin.[60] Some of the antagonized receptors (serotonin, norepinephrine) are actually autoreceptors whose blockade tends to increase the release of neurotransmitters.

At very low doses, quetiapine acts primarily as a histamine receptor blocker (antihistamine) and α1-adrenergic blocker. When the dose is increased, quetiapine activates the adrenergic system and binds strongly to serotonin receptors and autoreceptors. At high doses, quetiapine starts blocking significant amounts of dopamine receptors.[50][61] Off-label prescriptions, e.g. for chronic insomnia, of low-dose quetiapine is not recommended due to the harmful side-effects.[62]

When treating schizophrenia, antagonism of D2 receptor by quetiapine in the mesolimbic pathway relieves positive symptoms and antagonism of the 5HT2A receptor in the frontal cortex of the brain relieves negative symptoms.[15][63][64] Quetiapine has fewer extrapyramidal side effects and is less likely to cause hyperprolactinemia when compared to other drugs used to treat schizophrenia, so is used as a first line treatment.[65][66]

Per wikipedia for whatever that is worth. I don't trust my doctor or have a fucking clue how it is going to work but there it is... I'm going to try it. This same doctor proscribed the lithium for me like a year and a half ago. The FDA says she's not supposed to proscribe it as a sleep aid or sedative. I guess she still wants to treat the major depressive disorder without prescribing both pills for anxiety and depression. And the VA has been legally hammered to shit by ignorant and corrupt corporate shills for giving out tranquilizers like lorazepam.

I honestly think some decent ativan at night and PRN so I don't sleep in a furious ball of kill you + some gabbapentin would do better for me. But that's not indicated by my borderline personality disorder. I guess or whatever it is. The docs are trying to still treat the 'depression'. Which IMO is caused by anxiety and inability to connect emotionally or socialize with other people in a safe and kind genuine way, and probably will never be because my brain development and neurochemistry is nothing like what it should be, or will ever be. In any sane kind, normal human, who hasn't had their flesh ripped off. I also have a lot pain caused by trauma and skeletomuscular problems. Because I put my body through some intensely dumb shit (other than transitioning). I use to be a real hardcore motherfucking bad-ass and it's taken it's toll. Treating that would give me room to breathe and cope with my enlightened ways.

A big part of why I don't go outside and talk to people is because I want to hurt them badly. I don't like them and they make me really furious with their biological instinctual mammalian failings. Short of being mind wiped some how. And literally losing my personality. I doubt that is fixable. It just is who and what I am. Nature designed us this way so we wouldn't instantly die when a scary tiger showed up we could hiss at it and make it think twice and maybe back off and eat the dumb ass who fell over paralyzed in fear.

Theophalyn is supposed to calm people down and help them breathe but I went apeshit on it as a child. My mom has very atypical responses to most medications and anesthesia. When I am pissed off I am very very hard to put down chemically. I can stay awake, very hard to hypnotize, not even when I am willing, etc.

[Cecily]

Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol.


C-C-C-COCAINE
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvDZuptvupk)

[magnetaress]

Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol.


C-C-C-COCAINE
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvDZuptvupk)

This made me smile.

[solleks]

I sleep best when i do 10 hours straight manual labor.

[magnetaress]

I sleep best when i do 10 hours straight manual labor.

You don't want me near a shovel when I am like this but I totally agree. It's very good advice.

Again you are VERY not wrong.

Yeah, the more I read about it the more I think the seroquel will fuck me up and make this worse because I will no longer feel pleasure in even being wrathful. I think I can survive it for like a month tho to help my doctor diagnose what the fuck is not wrong with me.

[GinnasP99]

I'd recommend a hobby. I've recently taken up making walking sticks / bo staves. Walk around in the woods for a few hours to find good materials, carve bark off and shape with a knife, sand the crap out of it, then stain it a nice color. Playing guitar is pretty fun too.

[magnetaress]

I'd recommend a hobby. I've recently taken up making walking sticks / bo staves. Walk around in the woods for a few hours to find good materials, carve bark off and shape with a knife, sand the crap out of it, then stain it a nice color. Playing guitar is pretty fun too.

I'm going to be COMPLETELY honest here and go completely off the rails for a minute. It's not a direct reply to you.

It's a pity with a proper target and some physical training I could be useful again. Sadly, enlightening myself in order to be effective and disciplined has left me with no real reachable targets of value. I don't think hunting purely for sport would do anything but to be a form of practice, most entities are greens anyway, they have no exp value or good loot. The nearby pathetic cockroaches scurrying about are just a nuisance. It's not worth the risk and effort involved in destroying them out of boredom with no real objective or purpose.

I don't feel good unless I'm causing an enemy pain. The tree's don't scream loud enough in agony. Embroidery makes me want to put the needle down and slam someones head into the ground repeatedly. Or drag it across my arm until I carve it into shreds. I am already good with a rifle and pushups will put me to sleep but I will pay for it the next day in being unable to move. They don't bring pleasure. It is simply a form of preparation. This is what pillates and running has devolved into for me. The physical persuits I have rarely enjoyed. Last time I tried to make sourdough bread, I just got to tired and sick to finish and there was too much crap and too much whining from the dumb brats about how it smelled to get through it. I poured it down the drain and decided rather than ripping their guts out I would just take a bunch of pills, put a blindfold on and earplugs in and go out. I'm low on meds.

When I do create something wonderful I do not want to share it with anyone.

This is a 1 star thread for sure and I shouldn't share with you guys. But here it is. But you know. You are right. I will never know unless I try.

[solleks]

relavemt song (https://youtu.be/ZpUYjpKg9KY)

Nam sayinz?

[solleks]

The cameos in that toilet video scream 3rd temple

[magnetaress]

relavemt song (https://youtu.be/ZpUYjpKg9KY)

Nam sayinz?

feels weird man

but yes

The cameos in that toilet video scream 3rd temple

I saw M&M and went OOOK

https://i.imgur.com/4lLKm8I.jpg

[Baler]

https://i.imgur.com/lJEZHyG.jpg

[GinnasP99]

If you do decide to try making yourself your own bo staff, a thing I've been doing is learning how to spin it. You can learn how here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDKU-D4tq38. It's a killer forearm pump, and is actually quite fun.
Roleplaying a monk IRL

[magnetaress]

If you do decide to try making yourself your own bo staff, a thing I've been doing is learning how to spin it. You can learn how here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDKU-D4tq38. It's a killer forearm pump, and is actually quite fun.
Roleplaying a monk IRL

Very grace. Such mindful. Wow. Upvotes. Thank you. :D

[gherron]

You could try abilify as well, or even go the risperdal to risperdal consta (I believe the consta is a 1x/month injection which is convenient in a way).

[magnetaress]

You could try abilify as well, or even go the risperdal to risperdal consta (I believe the consta is a 1x/month injection which is convenient in a way).

Yeah honestly, if the seroquel doesn't work, which is like a nextgen risperdal, IDK. I'm getting pretty burnt out on treating the 'major depression', 'autism', 'schizophrenia', angle.

[Mead]

Theophalyn is supposed to calm people down and help them breathe but I went apeshit on it as a child. My mom has very atypical responses to most medications and anesthesia. When I am pissed off I am very very hard to put down chemically. I can stay awake, very hard to hypnotize, not even when I am willing, etc.

Theophylline was used (not very commonly prescribed anymore) as a bronchodilator, but also causes tachycardia. It's chemically similar to caffeine. Most likely why you "went apeshit on it." It "calms" people down because they can breath again, not because it's a sedative, but quite the opposite.

[magnetaress]

So much juicy stuff in this thread and this is what mead decides to post ^ I can respect that.

[Woke Locc]

Potemkin journalism - the logic of psychosis (https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2020/06/conspiracy-mainstream-media-trump-farage-journalism/612628/)

[magnetaress]

Potemkin journalism - the logic of psychosis (https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2020/06/conspiracy-mainstream-media-trump-farage-journalism/612628/)

My crippling headache and nerve pain saving your entire species from systematic obliteration is not a Macguffin.

[solleks]

Sorry u didnt get ripped

[Asteria]

Go outside, buy a gun or explosives

I wanna read about you in the online newspapers

[Asteria]

Yeah honestly, if the seroquel doesn't work, which is like a nextgen risperdal, IDK. I'm getting pretty burnt out on treating the 'major depression', 'autism', 'schizophrenia', angle.

Have you tried the completely dissociate/become independent of parents for a year or 2?

Won't know until you try

[magnetaress]

Go outside, buy a gun or explosives

I wanna read about you in the online newspapers
That's a really stupid thing to say. But I get why you're so upset.
Have you tried the completely dissociate/become independent of parents for a year or 2?

Won't know until you try
Yes, dumbass.

I want to kill you all so bad right now. Just be super thankful I'm really sick.

Almost went berserk earlier. Really the only thing holding me back is not enough damage could be caused. Low T. Low energy.

Yes. They deserve it.

And fuck you.

[magnetaress]

Sorry u didnt get ripped

#metoo

Probably better for you guys that way though. So. Y'know it's not a total loss.

Doing anorexia again. It's a great way to channel my hatred inward and within my reach.

[Knuckle]

Weed immediately induces a panic attack and psychosis in me which I can't control.

With really strong weed i definitely get the panic attacks, I find taking one medium hit(inhaled for like 2 seconds and release a steady stream of smoke) and waiting 30 minutes makes it a more relaxing light-hearted affair. But yeah our chemicals are all wired different so idk.

Also, do you have any type of exercise or cardio regime in your life? Physical exhaustion is a great equalizer.

[JurisDictum]

Exercise is the most healthy drug. To paraphrase George Carlin:

Drugs works really well at really well at first, they give you a lot of pleasure with little to no pain. Over time though, the hangover increased and the high decreases. Soon they cause very little pleasure and a lot of pain. So you should acknowledge they don't work really well anymore at that point and quit.

I find the hopeless addict types can't quit because of complete lack of self control. Where the more normal addicts wait until the drug starts getting bad (again) and quit. A minority never uses any drug... Frankly most of these I met I'm not particularly convinced are somehow better people... Nor are they necessarily the highest functioning or happy etc.

Weed eventually gets to the point with most people where you have to smoke a lot to get even briefly high. So the products out there in the dispensary are sometimes targeting these people. If you do a ton of THC before you built up tolerance it wont kill you. But its not that pleasant.

Tolerance is one of those things that comes on fast than fades slowly over the weeks. So it is a good trick to get only a little high...then 30 mins later try again getting more high....etc. Your tolerance 30 mins after smoking is relatively high usually.

This is why its best for regular smokers to try to break up their smoke sessions in the day. This is also why total meth heads can't get high after awhile of staying up doing drugs and then start to "tweak" and get angry.

Its why coke heads and gamblers lose all their money and drunks tend to start drinking so much they can die on a bender.

But it works ok for weed.

[JurisDictum]

More to the OPs point:

If you go the Doctor using as-prescribed rout, the same principals apply its just the game is much more controlled. Doctors and legit pharm companies work together to keep you high and buying drugs from them*. They know how to get you on just the right amount before upping your dose.

Also switching you up. You start out on Lexapro and before you know it you are on Gabapentin and Xanax.

But in the end you have to either come down or resort to street drugs/unprescribed pills. They will taper you off and give you something for side effects. But its all just a more respectful and professional version of the street drug addiction cycle.

*They love the private insurance system because they can charge like $2000 for a prescription to someone who barely makes that in a month.

[Woke Locc]

More to the OPs point:

If you go the Doctor using as-prescribed rout, the same principals apply its just the game is much more controlled. Doctors and legit pharm companies work together to keep you high and buying drugs from them*. They know how to get you on just the right amount before upping your dose.

Also switching you up. You start out on Lexapro and before you know it you are on Gabapentin and Xanax.

But in the end you have to either come down or resort to street drugs/unprescribed pills. They will taper you off and give you something for side effects. But its all just a more respectful and professional version of the street drug addiction cycle.

*They love the private insurance system because they can charge like $2000 for a prescription to someone who barely makes that in a month.

well yeah. if you take your pills to get high instead of a therapeutic dose, you're gonna run into problems.

benzos are bad tho

[magnetaress]

Exercise is the most healthy drug. To paraphrase George Carlin:

Drugs works really well at really well at first, they give you a lot of pleasure with little to no pain. Over time though, the hangover increased and the high decreases. Soon they cause very little pleasure and a lot of pain. So you should acknowledge they don't work really well anymore at that point and quit.

I find the hopeless addict types can't quit because of complete lack of self control. Where the more normal addicts wait until the drug starts getting bad (again) and quit. A minority never uses any drug... Frankly most of these I met I'm not particularly convinced are somehow better people... Nor are they necessarily the highest functioning or happy etc.

Weed eventually gets to the point with most people where you have to smoke a lot to get even briefly high. So the products out there in the dispensary are sometimes targeting these people. If you do a ton of THC before you built up tolerance it wont kill you. But its not that pleasant.

Tolerance is one of those things that comes on fast than fades slowly over the weeks. So it is a good trick to get only a little high...then 30 mins later try again getting more high....etc. Your tolerance 30 mins after smoking is relatively high usually.

This is why its best for regular smokers to try to break up their smoke sessions in the day. This is also why total meth heads can't get high after awhile of staying up doing drugs and then start to "tweak" and get angry.

Its why coke heads and gamblers lose all their money and drunks tend to start drinking so much they can die on a bender.

But it works ok for weed.

More to the OPs point:

If you go the Doctor using as-prescribed rout, the same principals apply its just the game is much more controlled. Doctors and legit pharm companies work together to keep you high and buying drugs from them*. They know how to get you on just the right amount before upping your dose.

Also switching you up. You start out on Lexapro and before you know it you are on Gabapentin and Xanax.

But in the end you have to either come down or resort to street drugs/unprescribed pills. They will taper you off and give you something for side effects. But its all just a more respectful and professional version of the street drug addiction cycle.

*They love the private insurance system because they can charge like $2000 for a prescription to someone who barely makes that in a month.

I agree with you.

I'm the master of cold turkey stopping stuff btw like 1 week or 3 weeks in or whatever. The worst stuff. I have no problems changing shit up. I'm not an addict. I can even turn EQ off and walk away for months on end. I never had a 'need for lvl 60 and bis pixels' that some people suffer. Like I haven't had any over lvl 55 chars in a decade. I finally stopped deleting, so after 3 years, my wizard born 2017 is finally 55. I didn't play at all yesterday or forumquest even because I felt like it was a good time to get some space from it all.

Yes exercise is the best. So is healthy eating. But y'know what I'm in enough pain to not want to exercise. So there is that. I've done both. Your girlfriend can tell you I went from a 224 obese fuck down to a sweet 170. (I think a little less) and in really great shape. I was still in a lot of pain though, and last year some stuff happened that just physically crushed me. I spent the last 2 days in bed, not even moving except to pee. No food, nothing, because fuck it. I'm not even really addicted to life.

I had a gabbapentin last night. It took my 6 pain down to a 4, with a dull ache, and the 4 down to a 2, and the 2 pain down to a zero, but I felt rubbery and crappy. I didn't want to take another when I woke up this morning, but it stopped me from bashing my own skull in.

The fucking weed dealers are shitheads way worse than the pharma companies and the government and docs. They rip u off, the method of delivery is shit. The drug is actually pretty bad if you are Christian and white at all. And you can easily get 15 yrs just for possession here. So I will stick with harassing my doctors for the refined and curated legal crap. I will not pursue THC because it's poor people poison and makes me psychotic. It removes the pain or makes me not care about it but not whatever underlying shit is happening. It just makes me feel like I can swing that axe with ease. That's not a good thing either. I swear to god, if you give me weed I will be at your throat in a manic crazed rage, just because I suddenly feel ultra motivated. Alcohol is real bad too. It seems like anything that can really impair judgement is a bad move for me. On alcohol I also get psycho and will also drink till I black out. That stuff is sedative in some people and the lack of judgement and rational thinking that comes from those drugs is fine when people just want to lay around.

The last thing I want to be doing is just laying around.

I'm a big fan of euthanasia, and giving people as much as they need pain wise, people are going to die, no matter what. The reason they die can be opiod overdose or gunshot to the face. Or exposure and starvation. I think it's pretty awful to shove some psycho in a lot of pain into a dank hole in the ground aka a shitty as prison psychward and let them lay around in their own filth and shit with the screams of all the other patients, when instead you could have just handed them a box of pills and they would have fucking maybe lasted another month and got to write a lil story for their family.

My reason for taking the drugs: So I don't kill an "innocent" (I use the term really loosely) motherfucker with my last little strength and a brick. Like some god damn morlock. It's not even to avoid personal pain, which I can deal with and have lived with, forever. We all get to experience pain, until we are dead. That's life. It's normal and shouldn't be necessarily avoided at all costs.

I routinely refuse pain meds and don't even take tylonal and ibuprofine in lieu of just laying there in excruciating agony because that shit fucks up ur liver and kidneys and I don't want to die of renal failure just yet. Also it takes a handful of em just to make a slight dent in the physical aspect of how I feel. Notwithstanding they do shit for muscle tension and the psychological aspects.

I would argue in weeds case I am left also sicker and in more pain for a short time immediately afterwards. As much as the luddites, hipsters, and gangbangers want to profess weed is God's gift to humanity, they don't really know how it effects everyone and don't take into account some of us are devils walking this earth as far removed from God as we can be, whether we want to be or not.

The pain I live with is the least of my problems. The psychosis, which seems to fly right over everyone's heads "how can someone be this psychotic and that functional all the time" is what needs to be treated. _I am definitely a worst nightmare kinda scenario in a human being_. It's extremely stupid to say 'prove it' before acknowledging there are some serious issues there that aren't going to be resolved with some ohm shiva's. Or a bit of namaste thinking.

If the psychosis wasn't real, I wouldn't post about it. If the treatments and suggestions where effective, I'd be doing them (in fact am doing them) but I am very frustrated at this point.

Y'know I think the news does people a disservice by not publishing every suicide note ever and letting the government cover up the motives and shit behind these shootings and how it happened, I am 99% sure columbine was government brainwashing and LSD.

Control the poor with weed and children. Make the 80% live in abject terror of each other and dependent on the charity of the 20%. Soon the 80% can't manufacture weapons and lack the will and discipline to be organized to kill the 20%. GG. Except I'm not really bitching about that we are past that tipping point. There will be no altruistic destruction of those exploitative monsters who have managed to forge ahead through the chaos into positions of power (I'm a tad bit jealous). It's basically a game of "when do I lose it" and "who gets it". At this point. God's rolling those dice. Oh wait Einstein says he doesn't. No idea what God's plan is for me, he doesn't talk to me. Not sure if it's god or Satan that answers my prayers. The God one seems to be unable to drop a mountain on sodom for whatever reason in this day and age.

Some decent pharmaceuticals could ensure that no one ever gets it on my misguided behalf. As I feel my control slip away more and more every day. Literally it's like I'm a puppet, and someone is forcing me to strike out, and I have to physically pull back and resist it. A week ago I hurt myself and broke some shit and absolutely terrified this asshole that deserved it. My doctors know. They are stupid fucks though. I'm not interested in another trip to the psych ward. I'm only speaking for myself here. RIP to the druggie scum who don't succeed in killing themselves first and wind up incarcerated because they are sloppy or duped into the black market. Or some low class shit like meth. Which was totally designed to create a maximum level of suffering and social pressure in order to keep you sheeple controlled and justify a massive prison industrial complex, police and cameras everywhere.

Yeah, I am pissed off.

[JurisDictum]

well yeah. if you take your pills to get high instead of a therapeutic dose, you're gonna run into problems.

benzos are bad tho

I hate to the one to break this to you, but "therapeutic dose" just means mild dose. At least at first.

In Oregon, if you have "opiate use disorder" -- you can get the state to pay for your medication. I.E. the State will make sure you are nice and high on opiates and not withdrawing -- so you can go about your day (and hopefully get to work and justify this program!).

You can get meth if your ADHD is bad enough:

https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-9124/desoxyn-oral/details

You can probably get both, smash them up and snort them, and get the doc to slowly up your dose for years!

My point is. Just being naive person going to see a doctor trying to make themselves feel better....gets you much closer to experimenting with street drugs that people want to believe.

[solleks]

Doctors are jews. Hope help

[JurisDictum]

Mare, you should probably start by just looking into lexapro. You seem to need something more on the chill anxiety-reducing side. Unless its just the forum persona overcompensating for a shy person IRL.

Tranquilizers are unpleasant and used to calm down people having psychotic breaks or severe mood swings. People never really take these recreationally. Whenever you see animals shot with these darts...it doesnt look like they are having a great time.

But it sure calms mr. Tiger down when we need to bring it to its new prison (the zoo).

If you need them you need them. But they bring you down. They don't get you high.

[magnetaress]

Mare, you should probably start by just looking into lexapro. You seem to need something more on the chill anxiety-reducing side. Unless its just the forum persona overcompensating for a shy person IRL.

Tranquilizers are unpleasant and used to calm down people having psychotic breaks or severe mood swings. People never really take these recreationally. Whenever you see animals shot with these darts...it doesnt look like they are having a great time.

But it sure calms mr. Tiger down when we need to bring it to its new prison (the zoo).

If you need them you need them. But they bring you down. They don't get you high.

I've been mr tiger and been tranquilized. During a psychotic break. Thats probably why I reached for that hammer. But yeah self administration is dangerous and not for fun. A little voice tells me I am just looking for a "safe way out " which is probably a giant red flag and why no doctor will ever start me there.

Hydroxazine was helping a little tiny bit when I wasn't bouncing off the walls, but I needed to take more than prescribed And an overdose didn't even slow my heartrate when I was having a recent episode, attack. It only lasted a few hrs but it was enough for me to get the accompanying adrenal fatigue and to have to lock my doors and OD. Just the one time. I stopped waiting and did the three times a day which was probably better for the anxiety build up. That still doesn't really help when triggered. Or when I am really just not able to cope because of pain. Fatigue. Or a situation outside of my control.

I think you're right about a low dose of something mild and slow release maybe, and not an immediate tranq. The thing though is I know I can probably also just put myself to bed and deal with a severe episode without hospitalization too, if I could just incapacitate myself for a few hours and sleep it off. Not to mention reducing the trauma to myself and everyone, and the cost to the VA for an ER visit. There's quite a bit of build up and time to cope, do CBT. Dunk my head in cold water. Ground. Play soothing music. Do child's pose. I really do everything I can to stave it off and I still end up self harming pretty often I know after a few tries off calming without drugs if that's going to do it.

Even with acceptance and commitment I end up becoming obsessively locked. Sometimes I think I am just reinforcing the emotion or trauma underlying the emotions over and over by fighting back emotionally and rationally and trying to jedi mind trick my way through nature's hardcoded biologic nuclear button.

A lot of times when I am doing well CBT and spirituality and a little yoga is all I need. I do have stable moments or moments where I can redirect my anxiety towards something constructive. Which probably leads my doctors to think I'm bipolar. It's unpredictable though. Has more to do with childhood trauma and triggers around my dad's behavior or the specific shit I went through, which I'm not keen on rehashing.

Nov-Febuary was always hell because my dad could use the holidays to hold us hostage with family obligations and would inevitably lash back out at my mom and his mental illness was definitely seasonally triggered. Not to mention as an adult my hospitalizations and suicide attempts generally correspond with the end of January. I don't think my shrink where, are tracking with that.

Totally not looking for a way to get "high" or "feel good". I need a way to put the breaks on when someone's hair in the drain is making me stay awake for several days looking for ways to kill them.