Funniest Trains Stories, By Vril

[redghosthunter]

Trains are hilarious and a phenomenon .. and whenever i think of them, i start laughing no matter how bad they hit us/me. Of course, during that moment i would curse and swear to the top of my lungs, but all was good a few minutes later. Especially now .. i wished i could be run over by a few of them.

Anyways, few years back i found this index and was laughing sooo hard. I couldn't find it here via the search option or anyhitng similar, so forgive me if i am double-posting. Also, i translated this text into english, so bear with me should you find a few expression or grammar fails here and there.

Here we go, enjoy! ;)
Vril

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How to calculate your train points correctly.

Trains in "The Game" are inevitable. Yet, as of today, no effort has been made to establish a scientific basis to rate these extremely common and evil forces of nature.

To be a counted as a valid train, the train has to be accidental in nature. Every idiot can maliciously create a train. Those don't count. Trains have to come from the bottom of ones heart.

This extensive index would not have been possible without the thousands of painstaking pullers out there. I would like to thank each and every one of them with my deepest felt sincerity, but i don't have too much time on my hands since i still have dozens of corpses to loot. So a simple "thanks" will have to suffice.

1.) The Pulling
You are the puller -10 pts
Your group doesn't know that you are the puller +15 pts
Your group doesn't know that you are pulling at the moment +10 pts
You deliberately told the group that you aren't pulling at the moment +50 pts
You were pulling while group members were AFK and you knew about it +5 pts per group member
You, being the Enchanter or Cleric, were pulling +15 pts

2.) The Warnings
Did you warn the zone before the train made the impact? -20 pts
Did you warn the zone AFTER the train made the impact? +30 pts
Did you claim to have warned the zone before the train made the impact, even though it's not true? +40 pts
Did you warn your group that a train is incoming? -10 pts
Was it encoded? ("hmmmmmm" or "OMG" or "3 inc i believe and maybe an add") +10 pts
Did you deliberately tell your group that no train was coming? +20 pts

3.) The Content
Quantity of the mobs? +10 pts per mob in excess of 4
Did one of the mobs have the ability to summon? +10 pts
Did one of the mobs have the ability to Gate? +20 pts
Did one of the mobs have the ability to DeathTouch? +10 pts
Did the mob DeathTouch someone other than yourself? +20 pts
Was it the bard? +30 pts
Did the train include named mobs and/or rare spawns? +30 pts
Did the train include gods (Innoruk, Cazik, Rallos Zek...)? +40 pts
Did the train include more than 50% of all the different mobs in the zone? +25 pts

4.) The Impact
Witnesses saying: "WTH?" +5 pts per witness
Witnesses saying: "WTF?" +10 pts per witness
Witnesses saying: "OMG!" +5 pts per witness
Witnesses saying: "OMFG!" +10 pts per witness
Did you force witnessing Monks/SKs/Necros to use Feign Death? +5 pts per
Did you force witnessing Clerics to cast Divine Aura? +10 pts per

5.) The Escape
Did you survive your own train? +50 pts
Did you commit suicide to ease your conscience? -50 pts
Surviving group members who didn't even have to use Feign Death? -30 pts per

6.) The Aftermath
Did you take responsibility for your train? - 25 pts
Are you sorry? -50 pts
Did you brag about your fabulous train via the /shout channel? +50 pts
Did you blame Lag for the train? +10 pts
Did you blame the Bard for the train? + 15 pts
Did they believe you? +30 pts

No confirmed deaths -200 pts
Confirmed deaths +20 pts per
Confirmed deaths of classes with Feign Death? +20 extra-pts per
Confirmed deaths of victims who were trying to loot their corpses from a previous train? +50 pts per

Numbers of insults/accusations via the /tell channel from victims and witnesses +10 pts per
Numbers of Congrats from SKs, Monks or other pullers +20 pts per

Did they petition you? +20 pts
Did you /shout that trains are normal and a part of the every day life in "The Game" or something similar? +15 pts
Did they petition you NOW? +40 pts
Did some of your group members log out without looting their corpse? +15 pts per
Did some of your group members cancel their accounts? +100 pts per

7.) For Professionals Only
Dead Guides +40 pts per
Dead GMs +60 pts
Did some of the corpses have to be summoned or did the zone need to be restarted in order to undo the damage of the train? + 50 pts

Total group wipes +50 pts per group
Total raid wipe (all positive points doubled)
Did you ruin a roleplaying event? +50 pts
Was it a wedding? +100 pts
Was it YOUR wedding? +200 pts

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/lmao
Vril

edit: Forgot something and fixed some typos (and added new ones) .. ;)

[maestrom]

I'm a bard at heart. Brings a tear to my eye...

[Littlegyno]

in before rickshaw.

[Zakaton]

Funniest train I've ever seen, at least from my pov, as a bystander, was in Veksar back when all the undead summoned. It was on Live, and I was at the first 5 cubicles at the top of the ramp with my Necro pet-tanking the Crusaders.

I'm sitting there when I see a bunch of hit messages, a whole group apparently getting beat on, and then a shout of "Train to Zone!" I was medding, so I immediately FD.

I then get a whole screen of summoning messages "So-and-so was summoned" for each member of the group, then lots more hits, more summons, more hits, then a few more summoned, more hits and then nothing.

I never did see whoever it was that was trying to get to the zoneline, they never made it out of the next room.

[machin576]

This system is awesome!

[Ennoia]

Back on Brell GM got killed at zoneline in SSRA. Was good times.

[Nytch]

i have yet to die to a train on this server. Maybe its because I played on Sullon Zek for years and got really good at avoiding then...I hate you Speede

[lanystvyl]

On live, In plan of innovation.
I think there where 4 groups at the zone in first time i did this, I was on trackudwn ran the circle and zoned. wiped them all. That run is not for the weak, as I was under 100hp when I clicked the exit. Out of 5 attempts I died once. but the kicking and screaming was well worth it

GM just laughed and said he was surprised I could make it all the way around.

[Dr4z3r]

Was it the bard? +30 pts

...

Was it YOUR wedding? +200 pts

These lines both got me good. Thankfully I'm on lunch! :)

[redghosthunter]

Funniest train i ever saw was in unrest ... newbs... Was sitting in fireplace when a mid lvl DWF PAL (Alemieser,) went up the stairs to check on the hand spawn. Well his PAC musta failed or maybe he just got too close. Ale pulled all the spawn up there and all spawn in the lower rooms. Well he runs to the zone with a huge train . On the way back Alemieser, didnt wait long enough and catches the same train right in front of our camp and goes back to the zoneline... Wow good times :0 Its good times like this that makes Everquest unique.

[baalzy]

redghost causes a train everytime he posts lol. i find myself having to run to the next page because he has a huge trail of signature after him.

[Divarin]

The worst train I made was in my first week of playing when I didn't know the game mechanics at all. I walked into blackburrow (as a druid) and looked down into the hole and saw a gnoll. I wondered if I could just kill him from up top and hit him with a nuke. he immediately ran off and I shrugged it off thinking 'guess I musta scared him off'.

about 5 min. later a massive train so big it lagged my video card down came rushing out the door heading straight for me.

apparently gnoll's hold grudges.

[baalzy]

apparently knoll's hold grudges.

Only grassy ones.

[redghosthunter]

the Paw trains can be equally massive. If one of the Gnolls falls off a ramp... all the lower lvl mobs come. Now thats a Train :)