chronic depression, overmedication, EQ, and you (well, me)

[xeffo]

Hi there. On Monday afternoon I picked up my SSRIs/other meds/adderall and logged into p99 around 4pm PST. Decided to level up my 2nd and only other toon, a level 30 delf rogue. Well. I went to HHK, after vehemently and stubbornly refusing to level in a tiny overpacked zone. So what happened? Well, ignorance lost out, and I realized how ridiculous the ZEM bonus and respawn times here were. (ps 99% sure neither of those were classic at least not to the degree here, but hey, green isn't classic either despite your fantasies...)

24-26 hours later, I hadn't slept or eaten yet, and was level 43. 13 levels overnight/day, SOLO, in a zone with bonuses like centrally located, nearly every vendor need, and a bank. Amazing what a zero-danger XP grind zone this little butthole of Norrath is - very surprised I never checked it out at all on Live back in 00-01. The only little thing saving this place from being nerfed is that there just aren't enough mobs to share with everybody and due to the multiple-story linear nature of the building, some AMAZING trains can happen.

That's not even starting on some ambitious ideas HH Pass uses in regards to the attacking orcs and gnolls --- if you kill off the guards at the post, both will run rampant all over until sufficient respawns. Picked up two DA idols today completely by accident cos those orcs ran all the way thru to the mini castle. Pretty cool stuff; some WoW ideas before WoW came, I guess.

What was this post about?

Anybody wanna be my girlfriend?

Anyway, long story short, even after 20 years, it's still so easy for me to fall into a goal-chain of items/quests/things and trade 6 hours for 6 new levels... really kinda frustrating. defeating. depressing. MAKE ME BELIEVE I CAN LET LOOSE THESE CHIPPED BONE BRACELET SHACKLES



P P S what % of raiding guilds on p99 do you think use stimulants to avoid sleep? 10% 20? 50? just me? thx buds

[Crede]

People binge Netflix all the time and don’t feel bad, so why should you? Yesterday has passed, focus on the next day. Maybe balance it out with some friends/family/outdoor activity.

Here’s a Good YouTube channel for general life advice from a previous gamer/introvert.

https://www.youtube.com/user/how2beast

[Gustoo]

High hold keep is beautiful.

Lots of depression associated with everquest and games like this and the lifestyles that they can encourage.

Try to enjoy both life and everquest.

[Sonark]

Addiction displacement is real and common.

[Deathrydar]

I can relate! I suffered from chronic depression for a long time! I know how you feel as I just took off for a week for WoW Classic launch. After the 3rd day of spending 12 hours a day playing, I started questioning if I was spending my time in the correct manner.

Ten years ago, I would have probably become frightened and start to go into a panic attack. However, now, I just think about the fact that this is a hobby. There is NO DIFFERENCE between this and going out and playing basketball or going out and imbibing alcohol with other humans to the point of intoxication. If the latter is accepted, then the world has a horrible outlook on what is an accepted way to spend your time.

If this makes you happy, then spend all the time you want doing it and NEVER regret it!

[xeffo]

Addiction displacement is real and common.

Indeed. Glad my drunk-every-night-for-3-yrs habit is dead and buried, but probably why I decided to look up P1999 on a whim. My first and strongest drug :P Made RL family life bearable. I'm a cannabis person now, but even have started turning the corner on that habit. Just isn't as fun anymore. Cheers.

[Deathrydar]

I'm a cannabis person now, but even have started turning the corner on that habit. Just isn't as fun anymore. Cheers.

Not fun anymore? Are you sure that you're doing it right?

[loramin]

On Monday afternoon I picked up my SSRIs/other meds/adderall

24-26 hours later, I hadn't slept or eaten yet, and was level 43.

Something makes me think you're not taking your medication as directed ...

[Baler]

1k pp per hour, ill RP a chick. dm me the deets.

*Baler grins evilly.*

[BlackBellamy]

adderall is hell of a drug

[Maliant]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done.

Read this book. Apply this to your life. Profit.

[xeffo]

Something makes me think you're not taking your medication as directed ...

With normal Addy, sure, that's probably excess, but I'm on eXtended Release now so it's difficult to 'get high' for being highs sake. Still possible to take a lil too much.

But yeah it's something I'm still working on. Impulse control and self-discipline are two things I never really mastered so there's still these little mini vacations into my own myopic insanity. Thanks for the concern tho.

[xeffo]

Not fun anymore? Are you sure that you're doing it right?

Been smoking for over 10 years, and became a really proficient hobby grower for the last 2 and a half. Truly enjoyable hobby, great smells, beautiful botany and flowers. But we gotta be honest that most science agrees the more often you're high the less often you're goal-oriented and motivated to do hard tasks. So, in that regard it's kinda getting old, and if we're being totally honest, cannabis nor any plant is some miracle drug without various negatives. When you're a daily or all-day-long toker, being high becomes sobriety, and sobriety is boring.

(i know you were joking btw, just making sure tho lol)

[Topgunben]

I cant compete with your dedication and voracity for pixels.

26 hours of solid gaming will make anyone depressed. EQ isnt real life, dont listen to the nerds that tell you otherwise.

[xeffo]

I cant compete with your dedication and voracity for pixels.

26 hours of solid gaming will make anyone depressed. EQ isnt real life, dont listen to the nerds that tell you otherwise.

If it makes any more sense explained differently, for me, there is very little excitement and joy in the actual killing of mobs and walking around, but knowing that I'm doing something incredibly efficient just on a whim was very motivating. It's a little tickling when I don't run any spawn timers at all and my internal clock just tells me when and it's correct 90% of the time.

It helps keep things interesting when each kill is like 2-4% of your XP bar. ZEM in HHK is ridiculous, no clue if it was like that on Live but I doubt it

and yeah. sedentary unstructured lifestyle day after day after week may not necessarily create depressive thoughts but it'll sure as fuck normalize how you feel about them. oh well. used to bike to work 5 days a week for 10+ yrs til life changes

EDIT: just wanted to add that any amount of time engaged in an escapist thing like vidya basically doesnt matter or exist because the purpose you are escaping and immersing is to avoid shitty real life stuff you don't have solutions for. so it's not really pixel lust at that point, just a somewhat interactive interesting way to keep your mind off of terrible things

[Baler]

@OP many eq addict are also drug addicts.
I don't recommend but its something to consider.

[sacman08]

Spent 20 hours in EQ doing a Plane of Sky raid. Spent multiple days waking up early to play before work, came home during lunch so I could play 30 minutes, logged on as soon as I got home and play until I had to go to bed, sometimes not.
Don't really do it so much now, but still understand when others do it.

[xeffo]

@OP many eq addict are also drug addicts.
I don't recommend but its something to consider.

it's no mystery: EQ is absolutely rife with small and large goals for you to complete to improve your character. and once you've done a few quests, the reward pathways/associations are created in your brain, and you're gonna start craving more.

even to a lesser extent the internet itself; our thirst and habits of browsing reddit and such is actually rewarding us in the brain for finding new information (or whatever justification). i remember reading something that this new rapid ingestion of information triggers similar pathways that opiates do... no wonder some of us spend all day online, eh?

[xeffo]

Spent 20 hours in EQ doing a Plane of Sky raid. Spent multiple days waking up early to play before work, came home during lunch so I could play 30 minutes, logged on as soon as I got home and play until I had to go to bed, sometimes not.
Don't really do it so much now, but still understand when others do it.

oh man i thought i had it the worst when our guild was clearing PoF on christmas fucking morning and i was so disinterested in the santa stuff i just wanted that sweet sweet umbral plate

humans go to extreme lengths to get what they feel they need or want :>

[Canelek]

Sleep deprivation is a hard-charging boulder of depression for sure. Best of luck on tackling that, because it is the root of many, many problems.

[Bbeta]

P P S what % of raiding guilds on p99 do you think use stimulants to avoid sleep? 10% 20? 50? just me? thx buds

its definitely high lol

[BlackBellamy]

its definitely high lol

That's not Classic! Stimulants were much more expensive and rare in 1999. People ran on pure insanity after a while. Gibberish was common.

[the_only_jake]

Meth was cheap back then ... according to a friend =P

[Baler]

I blame inflation

Have you seen the price of a T staff now?

[Raok112]

Remember when Stabs consented you in Lower Guk and you looted everything droppable before hiding his corpse on live side?

I do.

[xeffo]

Remember when Stabs consented you in Lower Guk and you looted everything droppable before hiding his corpse on live side?

I do.

How quaint, of course I remember that. It's a story I've told many times much to the entertainment of myself and others. Moving a player corpse in a non-helpful way was never really outlined in the PNP or whatever it was called, and besides, that came way later. Regardless, he petitioned and our faithful Taliesen brought me into a no-no time-out cube room to tell me he's suspending me for a few days.

Not to ruin your little soapy moment but Stabs and I became pretty good friends eventually, with him joining RA and even beating the Rogue BOTB. "Stabs the Silent" was a great title for somebody you didn't like, but by then, we all pretty much got along. The Reaver and the Silent have long since parted ways but you'll be happy to know he took the higher road the entire time and helped teach me to be a little less of a dick. Just a little. Still an emotionally retarded adult.

PS is that you Rhaok or somebody being an impostor? Tell better bAdBoIXeFfO stories

[Natewest1987]

Remember when Stabs consented you in Lower Guk and you looted everything droppable before hiding his corpse on live side?

I do.


How quaint, of course I remember that. It's a story I've told many times much to the entertainment of myself and others. Moving a player corpse in a non-helpful way was never really outlined in the PNP or whatever it was called, and besides, that came way later. Regardless, he petitioned and our faithful Taliesen brought me into a no-no time-out cube room to tell me he's suspending me for a few days.

Not to ruin your little soapy moment but Stabs and I became pretty good friends eventually, with him joining RA and even beating the Rogue BOTB. "Stabs the Silent" was a great title for somebody you didn't like, but by then, we all pretty much got along. The Reaver and the Silent have long since parted ways but you'll be happy to know he took the higher road the entire time and helped teach me to be a little less of a dick. Just a little. Still an emotionally retarded adult.

PS is that you Rhaok or somebody being an impostor? Tell better bAdBoIXeFfO stories

LOL at this entire interaction.

[xeffo]

LOL at this entire interaction.

Glad to help. I figured I owed a longer reply, because that person seems very convinced I ever regretted a single second of that Stabs thing and am clearly still deeply hurt by pixel suspension as an obvious consequence to dickhead behavior :(

[BlackBellamy]

Glad to help. I figured I owed a longer reply, because that person seems very convinced I ever regretted a single second of that Stabs thing and am clearly still deeply hurt by pixel suspension as an obvious consequence to dickhead behavior :(

You're going to be my /consent go to guy!

[jackd104]

I’ll never feel badly about my own life again. Thank you.

[Raok112]

It's all in good fun, Xeffo.

Were you still in Grey Council then?

I played a troll shaman named Zial Headhunter and an ogre warrior named Kargrath. I was in Steel Accordance and then RA, but I quit before Kunark. I can remember hanging out with you and Dyeth quite a bit.

Nice to see you still playing..

[PieOats]

1k pp per hour, ill RP a chick. dm me the deets.

*Baler grins evilly.*

Baler is amateur when it comes to *whoring*, OP. If you want real companionship, seek out Platwhore (https://www.project1999.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2622223&postcount=92).

ALTERNATIVELY, for 3kppph, I could ravage you with uncut lizarddong. hmu in game, name's Raev.

[kjs86z]

Seek help.

[Twochain]

How quaint, of course I remember that. It's a story I've told many times much to the entertainment of myself and others. Moving a player corpse in a non-helpful way was never really outlined in the PNP or whatever it was called, and besides, that came way later. Regardless, he petitioned and our faithful Taliesen brought me into a no-no time-out cube room to tell me he's suspending me for a few days.

Not to ruin your little soapy moment but Stabs and I became pretty good friends eventually, with him joining RA and even beating the Rogue BOTB. "Stabs the Silent" was a great title for somebody you didn't like, but by then, we all pretty much got along. The Reaver and the Silent have long since parted ways but you'll be happy to know he took the higher road the entire time and helped teach me to be a little less of a dick. Just a little. Still an emotionally retarded adult.

PS is that you Rhaok or somebody being an impostor? Tell better bAdBoIXeFfO stories

Did you just refer to yourself as "Bad boi xeffo"

mods plz move this thread to RnF so i can go in on this neet

[Chortles Snort|eS]

Y’all need Cazic Thule

[xeffo]

It's all in good fun, Xeffo.

Were you still in Grey Council then?

I played a troll shaman named Zial Headhunter and an ogre warrior named Kargrath. I was in Steel Accordance and then RA, but I quit before Kunark. I can remember hanging out with you and Dyeth quite a bit.

Nice to see you still playing..

To be quite honest, after 20 years, the exact timeline of which guild I was in at what time became pretty fuzzy. I doubt I was in GC at the time, as I considered Grey Council to be a great guild with a good rep and I was proud to sport the tag and didn't want to besmirch the name.

I remember both of those names! Oh man, Steel Accordions ;) Maeve Kylael Sammuel Vermilion Me Dyeth ... Anayin (RIP, fuck cigs) and his cleric bot Bral... Ilyacus the ranger... chinese necro Brownivy! So many people I am forgetting but I'll stop here since the server is prob back up now. I've lost touch with almost everybody from those days but a few are still around on here and reddit. Feel free to look me up on Xeff or Vflux (my only two p99 chars for now) and we can catch up more.

[xeffo]

Did you just refer to yourself as "Bad boi xeffo"

mods plz move this thread to RnF so i can go in on this neet

tfw you're asking permission to assert your e-dominance in a free2play fan server

u da neet sir

[xeffo]

Seek help.

I'm already seeking lots of help from many sources, don't worry. P99 is one of them, just like the rest of you - hiding 20 years in the past in a nostalgia time-bubble! Much comfort, much therapy.