I just had sex

[Chaboo_Cleric]

And it felt so good. The one thing I hate about sex is the cleanup. I mean you got that bodily fluid everywhere and lube if you doing it right.

I learned baby wipes aren't just for babies.

Sometimes I get bored having sex with my girlfriend. She is fine and all , but I believe males weren't made to have sex with one woman for their entire life.

[AzzarTheGod]

if you don't have a bidet, you should have wet wipes available and encourage their use.

girls still don't like to use them in the bathroom because they cant be thrown in the toilet and are self-conscious about disposal. You need a good ornate metal trash can with a push-cover. they still aren't comfortable with it unless you have a merry-maid who comes by once a week and empties it, and not you. Then they stop caring and start using the wet wipes.

but yeah, no wet wipes in 2016 is behind the hygiene times. only plebs and mongoloids are against them and their use.

Who the fuck wants to use toilet paper anyway? that shit chafes. even as a man, toilet paper serves no purpose if you can afford wipes.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

There's flush-able wipes now. Look for the little frog on the logo

[AzzarTheGod]

o word good to know

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Yeah Latinas hold no shame in the toilet paper in the trashcan. Every time my niece visits I about vomit.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

I also want to add the best lube is the KY Liquid (The most expensive one)

It's not a gooey mess, but it's still a bit sticky. Gotta have thick sheets if you getting rowdy

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Well i'm off to bed and I think I might have sex again. I like to just slip it in when they sleeping sometimes. It's kind of erotic.

[AzzarTheGod]

the lubes ive used, mostly all water-based chafe or very lightly burn/irritate after a long use or few uses in a row. one of the ingredients is citric acid? the fuck is that there for?

I think I need to try the silicone based or w/e the fuck it is.

ya same peace.

[Daywolf]

And it felt so good. The one thing I hate about sex is the cleanup. I mean you got that bodily fluid everywhere and lube if you doing it right.

I learned baby wipes aren't just for babies.

Sometimes I get bored having sex with my girlfriend. She is fine and all , but I believe males weren't made to have sex with one woman for their entire life.

http://i.imgur.com/kpWvjmV.png

[R Flair]

Sometimes I get bored having sex with my girlfriend. She is fine and all , but I believe males weren't made to have sex with one woman for their entire life.

That just means you need a hotter girlfriend.

[Ardok]

Sounds like you're relationship is stale man, you should re evaluate and maybe call it quits with this one.

[Ahldagor]

Hybrid lube is the way to go.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Hybrid lube is the way to go.

But you can only Lay hands every 72 mins. Don't. Blow your load!

[Swish]

What does it say about a person if they have to brag about having sex on an online elf simulator forum?

[Daywolf]

What does it say about a person if they have to brag about having sex on an online elf simulator forum?
Spidy senses tingling!

[surron]

lmao these mcloven losers talking about what lube they use i cant tell if serious... can you not get your girl wet, or does she dry up the minute you get it in because of your awful technique?

[Pokesan]

what was his name?

[maskedmelon]

lmao these mcloven losers talking about what lube they use i cant tell if serious... can you not get your girl wet, or does she dry up the minute you get it in because of your awful technique?

It not for wet spots. ^^; Though somewhat valid question if using it for that. Though some girls can't get wet due to anxiety or other factors. Some just produce less too, like salivating, there are genetic variables for one's propensity to salivate.

[AzzarTheGod]

Silicone lube is the only way. (((They))) always say use water-based with no explanation. the only reason is silicone-based weakens condoms. Lucky for me ooh baby I like it raaaaaww.

lol I noticed the federal gov makes sure no big chain stores sell silicone based lube. probably some planned parenthood big brother bullshit. this reeks of government agency intervention, since silicone was quite popular I recall.

I remember in high school during sex-ed they were pimping water-based lubes. Again, obvious government planned parenthood interference at the state level. This water shit sucks, very lols it also has citric acid in it just to give it that extra sting and put some more "fuck you" into it ala tap water, roads, and taxes.

cant find it at CVS.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

If you ever get mad at her, I recommend using icy hot as a lube. She'll learn not to talk shit ever again.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

also, if you were circumcised without consent, its pretty much your birthright to shoplift lube.

I can relate as the only thing I have ever shoplifted was lube. Combo of no-consent circo + the price of lube (((insulting))) with the trouble of making a bunch of shitty lubes that don't work or burn (not going to pay good money to be treated like shit).

literally never lifted anything else in my life. I've paid for it, but more often than not, I take it as my right.

I've shop lifted lube a bunch. I justified it too

[AzzarTheGod]

lube is the only thing I shoplift, and 100% of the time. cuz i use alot and also i dont want to think about pennies when im whippin it out. never got caught but if i do, im gonna say i was too embarrassed to carry it openly to the counter. 100% guaranteed that line will work

also, if you were circumcised without consent, its pretty much your birthright to shoplift lube.

I can relate as the only thing I have ever shoplifted was lube. Combo of no-consent circo + the price of lube (((insulting))) with the trouble of making a bunch of shitty lubes that don't work or burn (not going to pay good money to be treated like shit).

literally never lifted anything else in my life. I've paid for it, but more often than not, I take it as my god given right.

They started putting micro RFID foil detectors in the box packaging (built into the cardboard so you cant identify and remove it), so you have to open the box and take the bottle now. I beeped off one time and was like oh whoops had my hands full earlier haha! and had to pay for it.

[skarlorn]

I used to shop lift lube. Then I decided it's more fun to buy it and try to find the most innocent looking cashier for checkout. I had sex last night. I feel u chab sometimes I see babes on the street. I want they meat.

My gf very attractive, but she doesn't put much effort in to appearance and has deep seated anxiety that curbs her sexuality. Its becoming a point of contention. Might have to say peace ***** in a month or 2.

[Ahldagor]

Stay hydrated.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

First off guys I want to make this clear : I do not buy lube for the purpose of a non wet vagina. I buy lube for anal sex.

There maybe be times I use lube for her vagina , but only when I want a 2 minute quickie before work or taking a shit.

Seriously though, for all the naive nit wits , having sex with your girl in her anus is fun. I seriously should be awarded a medal for all the females I had to psychologically manipulate into loving anal. What's that you say?

Yes there are proven techniques I have learned over time through trial and error.

Here is a quick rundown:



First, when trying to get your girl to take your penis in her ass you need to start slow.
Slow involves just lightly brushing your index finger on her rectum. It works best when you are eating her out and stimulating her Clitoris.

The reason you want to stimulate the Clitoris ,while lightly petting her anus is because you are psychologically linking a good feeling with a new one.

Overtime, your chick will get use to this touching of the rectum - during this phase expect her to feel a bit awkward, but your job is to ensure her it's perfectly normal and alright. ( This works even better if you just started dating the woman)

Eventually, you will be able to give your chick a rim job... Again this is another phase. Your chick needs to get over the fact you are licking where she shits. I recommend you stock up on baby wipes and have her shower before. Just try to keep it coi- chicks can sometimes get offended, when you make them shower before sex.

By now you broke ground. The stigma on touching her anus is gone , and you have linked a lot of the touching with her clitoris. It's now time for the next phase

The next face is tricky. I generally wait until she is hot and ready after eating her out and foreplay - and what not... When you are eating her out start by brushing her anus. Stimulate her some more , eventually slip your index finger in. That's right boys you are penetrating her anus with your finger( Asian) ( Note: make sure your hands are cleaned and fingernails are trimmed) From this point you just leave the finger in there and eat her out some more.

This is getting long , so I want to wrap it up.....

You need to continue all the phases above... For a bit... Eventually shes going to want to have the finger in there. She won't also mind you to stop licking her clit while having one in there.

The last phase

By now you have broke major ground... You can now try to slip part of your penis in.. Maybe the whole thing if you got a small dick like certain people on here...
Make sure you use a ton of lube and go slow.... Also try stimulating her clit while your doing it ( Preferably when shes already hot and ready from foreplay)

Follow these steps fellas and you will have woman riding your dick in her Nether hole in no time.

I want to add... THANK YOU TO MYSELF FOR ALL THE WOMAN I BROKE... YOU ARE WELCOME FELLAS <What does that mean> All the men who scored with previous chicks I've broke in... Have anal ready equipped sex because of the work I did.

Sex is work : But like work it's necessary and pays well...

You're welcome guys.

[AzzarTheGod]

damn this radio edit is a beast

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Nice guide. I could write a book from the ladies' point of view. "Anal: How to take it up the ass!

I'd hit it^

[skarlorn]

Thanks chab this guide is goog been working phase one intuitively will let u know how the progress cums

[Csihar]

Your chick needs to get over the fact you are licking where she shits.

Yeah. It's your chick that needs to get over the fact that you are licking where she shits.

[Csihar]

Also, yay for not having a mutilated dick. Lube actually takes away from the feeling.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Yeah. It's your chick that needs to get over the fact that you are licking where she shits.

ur insecurity is putting a damper on ur sexual experiences. i pity you

[AzzarTheGod]

Also, yay for not having a mutilated dick. Lube actually takes away from the feeling.

Like anyone had a choice

[AzzarTheGod]

p.s. asshole

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Uncut dicks are super gross.

Yo bro when are we fucking, while playing Everquest?

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Go on Katrik, tell me you don't want me to play pool with that ass.

http://i.imgur.com/UrjVbqq.jpg

[maskedmelon]

Penises, generally speaking are gross, like vaginas. The unmutilated variety is however functionally superior with the intact foreskin acting as a natural gasket to keep a girl from drying out. I've never really thought about it, but it should also help on the backend to minimize the cost of lube lamented in this thread.

[skarlorn]

speakin as a cut up N!qq4, i gotta say I'm wishin that hood was still droopin on my schling schlong.

cut up dixx preffered by the ladies is purely mind control by the God Emperor (thanks Paul 4 cuckin it up) just like cut up titts preffered by the men(ninites??) is the same thang.

tho i do hear the hood droopin schlob knobs get mighty pungent.

[skarlorn]

I just had sex.

Finished in my fave, doggy. My gf does not like it much, adds to the appeal for me. I sneak pulled out and shot a sporadic spooj on her back. Some dripped onto the heel of her left foot. Cleaned her up with a used napkin, as I am a classy and considerate elf.

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Guys I just had sex again!

[Chaboo_Cleric]

Katrik, one day I will penetrate your virgin ass (We can pretend)

HAHA

[Chaboo_Cleric]

I just had sex.

Finished in my fave, doggy. My gf does not like it much, adds to the appeal for me. I sneak pulled out and shot a sporadic spooj on her back. Some dripped onto the heel of her left foot. Cleaned her up with a used napkin, as I am a classy and considerate elf.

Yeah, that isn't that bad. My favorite is grabbing their cloths and wiping the jam off.

[Ahldagor]

Just cum inside of them. Abortions aren't that expensive.

[maskedmelon]

That's just awful :c

[skarlorn]

Just cum inside of them. Abortions aren't that expensive.

I only risk the nut inside when she on that bleed yo. Not foolproof but it's less likely. Plus it's all bloody and slimey, which is nice

[Angushjalmur]

And it felt so good. The one thing I hate about sex is the cleanup. I mean you got that bodily fluid everywhere and lube if you doing it right.

I learned baby wipes aren't just for babies.

Sometimes I get bored having sex with my girlfriend. She is fine and all , but I believe males weren't made to have sex with one woman for their entire life.

If you need lube, it means you're grotesquely ugly or bad at it