Win a Fungi Tunic

[Fifield]

Title says it all, your chance to win a Fungi Tunic.

With the Uthgard DAOC server around the corner, snow melted finally in Canada its riding season, getting married soon, Game of Thrones on this Sunday, so much good stuff I am feeling generous and looking to give back to this server for all the fun its given me.

Some of the best times and stories came out of bullshitting in TS while tracking mobs cause were all bored and just killing time. You end up logging in not cause of the game, but because your guildies are fun to be around. That being said a whole shit load of embarrassing stories were told. Which made me think of this little contest.

Heres how this will work:
You simply post with an embarrassing story about yourself that happened to you in real life.(maybe in game? i unno) I know you guys got some good ones. Lets try and not embellish these stories too much cause if I smell bullshit I will just disregard your post.

Some rules:
You must not use an anonymous forum account.
You must not already be lvl 60 and can easily acquire a fungi yourself.
If I can't choose a winner cause there are 2-3 that are all equally funny, I'll just sell the fungi and give cash prizes.
I will give it about a week or so before choosing a winner.


I cant really police who will win this, all I can do is ask that any of you like myself who have played on this server for awhile now, pls don't participate, lets leave this for the new guys who could really use this as a chance to get themselves some good gear or have fun leveling a melee alt they otherwise couldn't afford to buy a fungi for.

Good luck!

[Swish]

This is embarrassing, we were out in a gambling establishment one night and I saw a guy that used to be famous across a room but me and my 'friends' didn't have the balls to go up and say hello. Instead we bigged it up like he came over and talked to us or something and posted it on the emulated elf sim forums as part of our guild recruitment.

Good luck with the competition Fifield. I have a level 60 but just wanted to share something embarrassing that happened :o

[katastrophi]

My story takes place after an awful night of drinking on a trip to London, the next morning I had a coach to catch home at about 10am. I get the worst hangovers and whilst making my way through London on the tubes to the coach, I was overcome with my sickness and proceeded to puke in a carriage on the tube. One of my friends with me kindly gave me a plastic Tesco bag to use but, those bags come with holes in the bottoms and whilst I was sick into the bag it funneled out like a fountain. Morning commuters glared and I quietly hid away in a corner for the rest of the journey. It was horrendous, haha. :l

New-ish player at level 20 with a barb shammy at the minute fungi would go far! :) Thanks for the competition

[Pyrion]

A few days ago i wanted to get a head start for my new magician, aquiring those focus items. So i took my druid, went to OOT and collected various giant toes. The i camped najena with my necro to get the mage items there. I finally had a tough time to make a griffon drop its feathers.

Then i gated to lavastorm with my druid, talked to vira to get 2 focus items (torch and broom). Gated back to toxxulia in order to give those items to my then level 3 magician (via bag drop). Tough luck, they are "NO DROP". I felt incredibly stupid. Back to square one... Well i was persistant and now my mage has the torch and the shovel.

[Cecily]

Cecily

[arsenalpow]

Not only was I the first person to fail the final Garzicor quest combine (thanks 5% auto fail chance) but the 2nd time through I handed one of the quest guys a flawless diamond instead of the quest piece because I'm a moron.

[thesphere]

I don't know how to explain this without being crude, but I once lost control and passed gas during a bj...

Might have been the most humiliating moment in both of our lives. I can't believe I'm telling you people this...

[Whirled]

I've been on server for a few years but am super casual & dont have a lv60 or any uber gear. IDK if that disqualifies me but here's a silly story none-the-less.

I had been working 6 days a week for a few months & went in on the 7th like normal. Didn't think an empty parking lot was a big deal since I'm usually the first or early on most days anyway. So, I went right up to the key code door & looked at the date on it. It took a bit to process I guess since I was in auto pilot just doing stuff (obviously) but after some mental imagery of the Gregorian calendar + how many days I've been living, working+ breathing in this place, it finally hit me. It was my 1 day off.. and here I stood waiting right outside the door again.
To top it all off, I had to text someone to make sure I wasn't dreaming this and they reassured me it was in fact Sunday. I went home & passed out for a few hours but had nightmares of being late to work & didn't get very restful sleep. So I guess a double whammy in some regards. #FML2016@WTFdotCOM

[wharfrat70]

When I was a kid I was with some friends and we were playing in a tree house we'd built. I climbed down a couple branches, then jumped the rest of the way, like kids often do. There was a nail sticking out of the tree halfway down that caught my pants and underwear and literally tore them straight up the buttcrack. I had to run all the way home holding my pants together over my ass. I think I used mostly fields and trails, because luckily we lived in a rural area. Still mortifyingly embarrassing and it took years for my friends to let me live it down.

[jolanar]

5 years later every newb to the forums will be telling their embarrassing story not realizing the giveaway never will happen. I like it!

[Rygar]

You may think this is embarrassing but it is just plain funny to me. My friend and I met some ladies at the bar and went back to their place with high hopes. They immediately pee after getting home like all girls do after the bar. They then go out to smoke on the balcony (meaning talk about us). I decide: now or never.

I say O'Brien, I need to squeeze out this turd o I'm gonna explode. I run to the bathroom and goose out a foot long turd in under 10 seconds and flush, thinking, "wedar, you damn fool you did it!". That is when I hear the stubborn gurgle of the toilet not fully flushing, I turn to see the turd spinning slowly, mocking me.

The girls are back now, don't want them to hear me plunger fighting so decide to leave it. I head out back to the living room and start making out with my gal and my buddy with his on the couch next to me. Then, it happened...

They had a roommate, she just walked in after a night at the bar..

Like all girls do after a night at the bar, she went to pee. The lights are out and I can only see her angry silhouette in the bathroom, "who clogged the toilet! That's disgusting!" She is demanding someone unclog it, everyone knows it was me, but I'm frozen in denial. My buddy's girl actually winds up breaking it down with a toilet brush.

We laughed so hard about it the next day, and is my favorite sorry to tell at get togethers.

[nekki1082]

Years ago on Brell (Kunark era I believe, but it's really tough to keep all my timelines straight), an in-game friend and I were duo-ing Cyclops in the OOT. He was a shaman and I was a warrior and it was slow, steady and challenging.

We didn't really chat at all in general, even when figuring out strategy for whatever we were doing. It was more of that similar playstyle understanding, no banter; if problems came up we corrected them simply and quickly.

I think on that particular day most of our conversation had been "Found a new spot, hop the OOT boat."

Keep in mind, this guy was an in-game friend only, someone I had met along the way and did not know in any way beyond his character.

On this particular day, my lady-friend at the time was also online and sending ever increasing "adult" tells to me. I was doing my best to ignore her, but she was persistent, knowing I was busy and thinking it was funny.

Finally, I typed something close to: "/g My pants are on! And they're staying on!" ... oops. Shammy buddy didn't say a word, he paused for a pretty noticeable 5 seconds or so (I'd like to think he was laughing, but I doubt it), and we continued on.

He never mentioned anything. I never mentioned anything. We stayed friends a long time.

[Swish]

You may think this is embarrassing but it is just plain funny to me. My friend and I met some ladies at the bar and went back to their place with high hopes. They immediately pee after getting home like all girls do after the bar. They then go out to smoke on the balcony (meaning talk about us). I decide: now or never.

I say O'Brien, I need to squeeze out this turd o I'm gonna explode. I run to the bathroom and goose out a foot long turd in under 10 seconds and flush, thinking, "wedar, you damn fool you did it!". That is when I hear the stubborn gurgle of the toilet not fully flushing, I turn to see the turd spinning slowly, mocking me.

The girls are back now, don't want them to hear me plunger fighting so decide to leave it. I head out back to the living room and start making out with my gal and my buddy with his on the couch next to me. Then, it happened...

They had a roommate, she just walked in after a night at the bar..

Like all girls do after a night at the bar, she went to pee. The lights are out and I can only see her angry silhouette in the bathroom, "who clogged the toilet! That's disgusting!" She is demanding someone unclog it, everyone knows it was me, but I'm frozen in denial. My buddy's girl actually winds up breaking it down with a toilet brush.

We laughed so hard about it the next day, and is my favorite sorry to tell at get togethers.

All I could think once I read that was...

http://i.imgur.com/YBsJIV6.png

[oscarmike]

Hey,a IG story for a change .
I've been playing on p99 since 4th of march 2016 or somewhere around that and been enjoying it .So i began digging into wiki and forums to get me back to speed after this short 15 years pause.

Browsing the forum,server chat section,i m led to this "win an AoN /CoF" thread on 1st page.Just had to write name down.Obviously fake/given up ,i noticed some days after that it had been posted this date :02-23-2012, 11:38 PM but some famous forum resident WHO MIGHT have already posted on your thread in 1st page is trapping all noobs like me by uping this win a thing thread ...=)

So gg, u got me ,but i obviously wont fall twice for this kind of thread...trick me once.

IG :Sarconhia/Zaoz.

[Turp]

5 years later every newb to the forums will be telling their embarrassing story not realizing the giveaway never will happen. I like it!

Lol. Will it be a 2.0 of the -Your chance to win a free AON and COF.
nah I believe Fifield will pay up.

all hail Turp for keeping us awake with his stories sat night
I believe pretty firmly that I could win this , but I am gonna watch from the sidelines. After someone who needs it more wins. Then i'll give ya one or two good ones.

[defeater]

Earlier this week I was going through the Cookout drive through. There was a wait for my food to come up, so I was sitting tight, waiting to pay. Cashier slides open the window to give me a status report. I reply, "That's cool man." He rests his hand on my open window in a closed fist, so I give him a fist bump.

I then realized that he was asking for payment.

FML.

[zanderklocke]

In college, I thought my scanner was a toilet when I was really drunk because the lid opened up. I woke up the next morning, and I had vomited all over the inside of my scanner. I cleaned it up and donated it to Goodwill.

In middle school, people would make milk come out my nose a lot at lunch by making me laugh when drinking melt. One time, a huge snot bubble came out and went all over my food, try, and face. Everyone in the lunchroom (80-100 middle schoolers) started laughing at me as I ran to the bathroom.

In college, I got really black out drunk at a night club and heard about some secret party in a not-so-nice part of Minneapolis. I was very adamant that I was going to that party and ended up wandering around that area of town for about an hour at 4 am. I still don't know how I got home.

Back when I was more immersed in EQ, I left a concert in downtown Minneapolis I paid $30 for because Maestro popped and I wanted his lute (yes, Maestro). I ran 4 miles to my home in the rain and ended up logging in right as the lute was award to Freezz in The A-Team.

In high school, I used to play in a pop-punk band as the front man and would swing my microphone around when I wasn't singing.
http://i.imgur.com/O7T44ZA.jpg
http://imgur.com/xhINJl0.jpg
Well, in college, I was sort of dicking around and filming my self, and I ended up shattering my ceiling lamp in my apartment while swinging my microphone around. Here's the video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kVApc_f7PA&t=1m0s

[FatMice]

I am debating on participating in this contest. I think it should go to a new player so they benefit it from it the most.

My story, if told... has something to do with the nickname BoJangles and Wizards of the Coast.

[arsenalpow]

Zander's first picture looks like a skinny/young Andre the Giant.

[Wiley]

A few New Year's ago me and some lesbian friends went to an "everyone" bar in Seattle, I got more then a little black out drunk. Something to the effect of: a whiskey sour, a few shots of something - 2 Irish car bombs - 2 long islands - a bottle of champagne - and a white Russian.

Apparently after the countdown I was going up to all varieties of people asking if they wanted new years hugs, which would be fine if I was a petite lesbo but not so fine when I'm 6'5" husky (at least) sweaty man asking militant dykes for hugs.

Night ended with no incident and somehow I didn't have a hangover the next day, embarrassing AF for me tho

[Spyder73]

When my girlfriend and I first started dating (still dating 7 years later), I was staying over at her house one night when disaster struck. Me and the current GF had been dating for maybe a month or two, but my ex-girlfriend was at the wedding also and the whole thing was weird so I was drinking pretty heavily. Long story short I go back to the current GF’s house and pass out in my underwear in her bed.

Maybe around 3 or 4 in the morning I start to stir a little and I am shifting positions in bed when I fart…my eyes immediately pop WIDE OPEN. I reach my hand back in my underwear and realize I am in a worst case scenario situation (thank the lord I wasn’t naked). I look at my hand and only what can be described as black flith is coated on my fingers. So I calmly roll out of bed, do a quick inspect of the sheets to make sure I didn’t spill any human feces from my underwear, and I waddle over to her restroom…As I am using the bathroom I kind of laugh at myself and think “wow that was a close one”….SHE HAS NO F#CKING TOILET PAPER. I am freaking out at this point and still have sh!t all over my hand. I end up using my underpants and a hand towel to clean up my situation. But now I have 2 pieces of cloth covered in sh!t that I can’t flush. I decide I need to go downstairs and bury the evidence in the kitchen garbage can.

The next morning she asks what I was doing creeping naked into her kitchen in the middle of the night and I make something up….she goes into her restroom and asks where her grandmothers hand towel is at…the jig is up and I tell her of great shame and she laughs and still make fun of me about it 7 years later

EDIT: I am just sharing, don't want in contest...although i could use a fungi...

[zanderklocke]

Zander's first picture looks like a skinny/young Andre the Giant.

Yeah...I thought mutton chops were pretty cool in high school.

[Ket]

I am 32 years old and play on an emulated Everquest server. My girlfriend (hand) still does not know.

-Ket

[Pokesan]

Pokesan

[Dalizar]

This is kinda funny...
After years of playing EQ I was driving to work and saw a cop on the side of the road. My wife was about 5 minutes behind me heading to work as well. I called her to let her know that she needs to "slow down a cop is camping spawns".

[Kanded]

This is pretty cool, lemme give it a go.

So we all go through the "playing with fire" phase as a kid, right? Not just me? So when I was younger, I did in fact have this issue.

It all began at my grandmother's house, her fireplace in fact, she asked me to go start a fire up. It was EZ-lite logs and paper. Woosh! Flame on! Obsession on! After starting that fire, I figured I would hold onto that lighter just in case she needed me to start another one... Riiiight. So I go home later and immediately go to my room and look for things to burn. But where am I going to burn things? I can't do it in here, there is a smoke detector. My room opened up to our deck in the back yard so I figured if I was quiet enough opening the door, no big deal! So I grab an empty peanut canister that held random junk in it and went out and filled it with random flamable materials and lit it up! Woosh! So awesome.

I continued with this tradition for about a month or so with only a couple of close calls. Questions of smelling something burning and such. "Nah, I don't smell anything." They would never find my burning can either, it was hidden in my closet amongst some baseball card boxes. No worries!

So at this point it's getting pretty bad, I couldn't not burn stuff. Im getting braver and taking my burn can to my grandma's house where I spend a bunch of time. I found a hiding spot for my burn can there too. Under the guest bed tucked in the frame. I'm a genius!

So at my grandma's house I decide, screw the can, I'm outside, let's find something. I'm on her deck looking for targets. Target acquired! Dried plants that my grandma has for decoration. I'll just burn one of those little pieces!

WRONG!

The damn thing went up in a huge flash of light and not only was it quick but the whole bush! But most unsettling was the fact that not only was the dried plant in fire, but the wall of her house! I'm scrambling! Water! Water! I need water! I found her plant watering pitcher and quickly went to the hose, filled it up and started dousing the flames. I made about 3 or 4 of these trips. Completely terrified of course.

I got the fire out. Nobody came out. No alarms. Nothing. Phew. So I go inside, grab a glass of water and sit down trying to think of how to explain the burn marks going up the side of grandma's house. But before I can think of anyhing my mom shows up and asks how I'm doing. "Fine" I said. She comes up to me, grabs my face with eyes huuuuge enough to see through me. "What happened to your eyebrows?!?!?!"

What? My eyebrows?? What do you mean my eye......... Ohhhhh shit.

"You smell like smoke"
"What were you doing outside"
"Come outside!"
"What the f#!$ did you do?"

Busted. The worst part is I tried to lie about it, thought it was working too. Even with my singed off eyebrows! But then they found my burn can...

So yeah, no eyebrows, burn can in hand, scorched wall, I was done.

Aside from the lecture, I got my ass whooped. Then made to do 2000 sentences. "I will not play with or start fires." Plus they thought I needed Jesus and made me go to church.

Pretty funny in hindsight. Glad I didn't burn down grandma's house though! However, whenever I go camping I always have the same thought when I go to make the camp fire... I will not play with or start fires.

[Alanus]

Freshman year of high school, me and a kid got into a fight over a girl. Anyway, I made him bleed and got some of his blood on my pants, right on the crotch.

So all day at school people made period jokes. I am a male.

[Erati]

you did an entire contest to get me to type out my poop story on server chat?

[Zaejii]

I'm embarrassed that I don't think I could top any of the stories already told here.

Or maybe I shouldn't be? #IllNeverWin :(

[Kagey]

wtf who on this server doesnt have a level 60 main? these rules are bogus.

[wharfrat70]

Me - I just started in March :)

[Bummey]

5 years later every newb to the forums will be telling their embarrassing story not realizing the giveaway never will happen. I like it!

Embarrassing stories are fun, especially when you share them with others.


Back in the heyday days of Velious, I was having some trouble with my backstab damage. I had just spent every last coin of my savings on a Lath Drinor, which was a huge upgrade from what I had been using, but something was wrong with it... No matter what I did, my backstabs always hit for the minimum damage. I could not figure out what was causing it. Messing with my stats, buffs, dying and getting rezzed, nothing fixed my backstab damage. I even petitioned and the GMs to ask if it Backstab bugged or if something was wrong with my character, because I thought they would have some magical answer to fix my problem; no such luck. It was maddening.

Then, one day, someone in my Velketor's Labyrinth upper dogs group started laughing at me. "Nice dagger" he scoffed. I know, right? I opened up my inventory to admire my Lath Dfuck

And, just like that, I found out why my backstabs were hitting for minimum damage: some time in the past few weeks, I had mixed up my Lath Drinor with a Fine Steel Dagger and sold it to a vendor.

[Wenastik]

When I was first married and still getting used to having dogs in the house, I would occasionally forget to pick the trash can up off the floor and put it on the counter. I was also terrible at getting in to work on time, so I had to get up at 3:30 AM just to get to my 5:45 AM job on time.

I wake up and realized that we had lost power the previous night and I was already late or work. I jump out of bed and head into the kitchen to get the coffee started. I slip on something on the floor and see hat the dogs have been in the trash and been sick on the coffee grounds and vomited and crapped all over the place. This is what I slipped and fell into in my sleepy funk.

I rush to clean up the mess all over the floor and take the paper towels into the bathroom to flush them (bad idea). As I'm wiping the last of the "mess" out of my hair, I can hear water running somewhere. I see a stream of water running out of the bathroom. I run into the bathroom to see all of the crap I had just cleaned off the floor flowing out of the toilet onto the bathroom floor. I drop to the floor and start reaching into the toilet to dig wads of crap covered paper towels out of the clogged toilet.

I get the toilet cleared, the floor bleached and mopped clean, the kitchen floor bleached and mopped clean and some coffee in me to just before I leave for work.

I get to work, get to my spot and receive my passdown from the previous shift, when one of the guys starts looking at his shoes and sniffing. He turns to me and asks, "Do you smell dog sh!t?" and that's when I realize, I forgot to take a shower before work.

[wharfrat70]

"When I was first married and still getting used to having dogs in the house" <- not nice to talk about your wife like this, Wenastik ;)

[ronasch]

Pokesan wanted me to post his story for him.

"I once tried to achieve an anal orgasm with a fire hydrant. Not only did my yoga pants get ruined butt also received 12 stitches in my rectal cavity."

Originally Posted by Pokesan

[Izmael]

This is a story I posted in 2008 on another forum. 100% true.



-------


I live in a big city and love asian food. Vietnamese, japanese, chinese, cambodian, you name it. I eat it nearly every day and tasted quite a bit of strange stuff (brag: how about fried pig intestines? not nearly as bad as it sounds).

There's that small chinese take-away shop I particularly like. It's a really small shop that offers half a dozen of chinese dishes to take-away and it's slightly more expensive than usual, however it's more than worth the price. That shop belongs to an exquisite, world-renowned chinese restaurant that is way too expensive for me. It's a famous restaurant for famous people, and they only go there for the food, not the hype. However, the small take-away shop, surprisingly, offers the same dishes as the restaurant does, just not all of them, but like a half-dozen (those that are practical to take away, I guess).

All of that shop's food is stunning delicious for a connoisseur - for a fraction of the price you'd pay in the real restaurant.

It would be pointless to compare that food to the food you get in most chinese take-away shops in USA, because it's just not the same category of quality. It's gourmet food.

They have that particular chicken. No other restaurant in my city (Paris, France) offers it. The making is kept secret. When it's available, it lasts for 15 minutes tops. Everyone knows that if there's chicken, just go for the chicken. And since the shop doesn't cook it in-house, they get it from the big restaurant's chef, who only knows how to cook it. So the take-away shop gets limited daily supplies, first come, first served. But forget about the chicken.

One of the dishes is, quite simply, shrimps in spicy sauce. It's probably slightly too spicy for someone who doesn't like spice (I do LOVE spice so that's fine with me, but that's not the point).

The point is, that eating these shrimps is for me an intense gourmet experience. Real gourmets know what I mean. It's an orgasmic flight over the land of tasty. It's about EUR 8 a portion, I'd pay at least 30 for it though in a pinch.

There's one drawback, however. Every time I eat those shrimp, a hour later tops, I feel sick in the stomach and have an urgent business to do in the WC. So I usually just eat it when I know I'll have access to a WC in the next hour or two.

Don't get me wrong. The shrimp aren't spoiled. They are VERY fresh. They are taken care of with care, at least that's what the restaurant's prices suggest. Besides, it happens every time I eat them, so I figured I just don't digest those shrimp very well or something. But I still eat them often because they are just so good. And then I spend 20 minutes in the bathroom reading magazines or picking nose or surfing on my iPhone, etc. Everyone is happy, me, the shrimp, the WC.

But then one day...

Today after work I went to visit a friend that lives in the suburbs. I must note that my main mean of transportation nowadays is motorcycle. Handy, cheap, quick. I have no idea how would it all have ended if I took the car today.

Anyway.

Before going to visit her I figured I'd buy some chinese food from that shop, she loves it, and I do as well, might as well shell out like 25 EUR and have a great dinner for two. I've bought some curry chicken (other kind of chicken, mad tasty stuff) and some spicy shrimps and a Coke. Put it in my bike's top case, and off we go. I've been mad at her a few days ago because of some silly stuff so I thought I might as well try to pardon myself and bringing a nice dinner is never bad in this case.

So I arrive, we eat it, and all happy watch some TV together and then she says she is very tired and wants to go to sleep. I don't sleep with her (usually, lol) so I left. I didn't want to use her toilet and make it unusable for the next 50 thousand years because of all the radioactive waste it would have to swallow, and she's a nice girl and a good friend who did not deserve that.

I felt that strange noises in my belly but thought to my self "hey I'm on a bike, it's late, streets are empty, no cops, I'll just ride real quick back home and I'll be fine". Which isn't an unreasonable plan at all, especially considering that sitting tight on a bike like mine compresses your ass quite hard (unfortunately also compresses the balls like no tomorrow but that's another story). It really sounded like a good plan and I wasn't worried. I know how to ride fast if needed, almost never do it, but this looked like a situation I'd have to. No problem.

So I took off steadily and like 20 minutes later was close to home, maybe 5 minutes to go. I started feeling more and more strange stuff happening inside my body, and it was much stronger than usual, because this time I ate more shrimp than usual and ate some tuna salad that might have been not very fresh.

There's plenty of stop lights in my neighborhood, don't know why, probably because we frenchies are so undisciplined and unless it's a red stop light, we just go through.

There was maybe 500 meters (what's that, like 1500 feet?) separating me from my home and I realized that I had to **** like very very soon, ideally RIGHT NOW. Now those effing stop lights just wouldn't cooperate this time, red, drive 50 meters, red, drive 50 meters, red, rinse repeat. Traffic is quite dense where I live so going through red light is not an option, especially on a bike, not to mention there ARE cops where I live (touristic area). So I was just trying to compress my ass as hard as I could with the bike's seat and try to be optimistic and not tilt.

After a minute or so I realized that I'll never make it. The pressure inside my guts became so unbearable that I had to actually push myself down to the bike's seat with my hands pushing on the handlebar to prevent my intestines from emptying and painting that lovely touristic area of Paris in a whole different color.

I was in a quite bad situation because I had no choice other than hope to hold it until I get home. Of course, there's plenty of bars I could have asked to shat in their WC's but I knew that by the time I get off my bike (depression of ass), walk to the bar, ask the owner, find the WC, etc, I'd **** myself 10 times already.

Especially considering the ****-when-close effect.

Have you ever noticed that when you really want to ****, the closer you get to the place you can **** in, your urge to **** increases EXPONENTIALLY? That's the ****-when-close effect, as I call it.

Basically, trying it in a bar would mean I'd **** myself before I reach the bar, or in the bar, in front of all the customers NEAR MY HOME.

So I just clenched my teeth, clenched my ass even harder, and prayed to all gods of the universe that the red lights start to switch already.

Part of my plan was that if I must **** myself, I'd rather **** myself close to my home because it's in a quite desert small street and no one will hopefully notice except maybe some tourists but why should I care about them. It was also fairly late and no one should see me entering my apartment, this late. At least, the odds were definitely in my favor.

I finally made it to my building. I live on the 6th floor, ancient building, etc. No elevator. Many doors to go through before you even get to the stairs.

I figured that if I made it this far in this state, I'll make it to the toilet if I put 100% of myself in that rush to my apartment on the 6th floor. if I make it, it will be very close.

I barely remember what happened until I ran the steps 4 by 4 (or more) and finally was in front of my door.

Now remember that ****-when-close effect? It kicked in, in full ungodly strength.

I was trying to unlock my front door with a key (damn lock is old and it's hard to turn the key, not to mention I have about 30 keys on my keychain - I have access to a lot of places, long story). With crazily shaking hands I finally opened the damn lock, rushed inside (I was already half undressed while running up), throw the helmet on the ground, close the door...

Turned myself to to the toiled, it's only 3 feet away from the front door, how handy...

And then the ****-when-close effect struck with even more earthshaking, teeth-crushing force, my ass muscles gave up that battle they couldn't win, and I emptied my intestine full of hot, liquid, smelly, poisonous, chinese-flavoured crap in my pants.

I just stood there, 3 feet away from the goal, speaking to myself saying "I just shat myself at home, wtf", after going through all that struggle for so long, having put so many hopes in the strength of my will and in the strength of my ass, realizing that it was all in vain. I still shat myself.

I wonder if women feel about the same when miscarriage happens or a presidential candidate realizes he lost by a fraction of a percent after years of daily campaign.

Damn shrimps. Oh well, I'll probably eat some of them tomorrow as well, just for the giggles.

[Kenolen]

I rolled a character on Red.

[xexbis0]

Title says it all, your chance to win a Fungi Tunic.

With the Uthgard DAOC server around the corner, snow melted finally in Canada its riding season, getting married soon, Game of Thrones on this Sunday, so much good stuff I am feeling generous and looking to give back to this server for all the fun its given me.

Some of the best times and stories came out of bullshitting in TS while tracking mobs cause were all bored and just killing time. You end up logging in not cause of the game, but because your guildies are fun to be around. That being said a whole shit load of embarrassing stories were told. Which made me think of this little contest.

Heres how this will work:
You simply post with an embarrassing story about yourself that happened to you in real life.(maybe in game? i unno) I know you guys got some good ones. Lets try and not embellish these stories too much cause if I smell bullshit I will just disregard your post.

Some rules:
You must not use an anonymous forum account.
You must not already be lvl 60 and can easily acquire a fungi yourself.
If I can't choose a winner cause there are 2-3 that are all equally funny, I'll just sell the fungi and give cash prizes.
I will give it about a week or so before choosing a winner.


I cant really police who will win this, all I can do is ask that any of you like myself who have played on this server for awhile now, pls don't participate, lets leave this for the new guys who could really use this as a chance to get themselves some good gear or have fun leveling a melee alt they otherwise couldn't afford to buy a fungi for.

Good luck!

That's BS fifield you already got me to get the cock off my chest without a prize! You suck sir!

But gratz to the newbie with the emburrising stury.

[stressl]

A little backstory first!
Well when I was about 17 my uncle and I went down to Saltillo, Mexico because he worked as a private inspector for this dairy company. He did this often, and went to countries like Romania, Greece, etc. Since Mexico was fairly close to Arizona where I lived at the time, he decided to just take me with him for a little vacation, I'd never seen Mexico before.

Anyways, my uncle decided to take me out to a bar the first night we were there, and for whatever reason he chose one of the most scummy places in all of Mexico. This place was so run down, the bathrooms were completely dilapidated, I didn't really care at the time though or think anything of it because I was about to get to legally drink.

I had been checking out this gorgeous girl all night, and my uncle finally talked me into going and speaking to her after a few beers. Carol. We flirted all night and drank well into the night. Long story short, she gave me oral sex in the bathroom. I can't remember what exactly happened, but we were split up after, and I couldn't find her anywhere. I went in the bathroom to take a piss in the urinal, and as I was peeing I heard her voice beside me. There she was, holding her penis, pissing in the urinal.

That's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me.. hope you enjoyed. My buddies all give me hell still to this day.

Cheers

[Izmael]

A+, will def read again.

[Fifield]

you did an entire contest to get me to type out my poop story on server chat?

lmao bro, I was actually going to post something in the OP about your poop story but I didn't want to put you under the bus. There are already a few good ones I might need help deciding and might consult the Runningwolf.

This is great, keep them coming. If you think that I am joking when I say I won't give away a Fungi your crazy and just going to miss out if you don't post =D

To help any of you that are considering posting but are shy. I'll throw one out there so you don't feel so dumb.

Probably 16, at my gf's house at the time. Her parents got home so I quickly tuck my boner up in in my waistband because of course I have a boner, girl holds my hand at 16 its happening. I go talk to the parents when they get home not realizing that my shirt had come up and the tip of my penis is exposed out of my pants the entire time im talking to them.... They did not mention anything to this day but i know damn well they saw it.

[FatMice]

Ok with Fifield's tip story, I'll bite.

Early in high school, I overheard a group of guys talking about a video game that sounded interesting. We didn't know each other that well, but we chatted about the game for a bit. As they told me about Everquest I was interested and later that week, I purchased the game at Gamestop; those raised bumps on the box got me excited; what was to come? As I got home rushed to the computer, installed the game, I thought to myself "the load screen art work, the music, this is going to be amazing." Being of the hero mindset, I made a Human Paladin. I somehow found my way to rats outside of the West Freeport gates. After dying over and over to rats, guards, snakes, a gnome, and a fat ogre, I was hooked. The next day at school I ran to my new friend and told him how I died from a large rat! He laughed at me and walked away, but not before he invited me to Wizards of the Coast that Friday to play with him and his group of friends. Little did I know this friendship would grow into something much more.

Sephix, a Shaman on this server is the one to blame for my Everquest addiction. Throughout high school Sephix and I became very good friends. We would have sleep overs and play Everquest all night, stay late after school and mess about on the forums, or every Friday go to the mall and play Everquest at Wizards of the Coast. We would play whenever we could and often.

On one Friday afternoon before going to Wizards of the Coast, someone in our group friends, I don't know who, thinking like a true high school adolescence , thought it would be funny if we started flagging each other. It became a tradition.

For those who don't know what flagging is:
Flagging
(v) The act of pulling another person's pants down.
My brother got in-school suspension after flagging a girl in gym.

So here we are, group of guys, who are trying to pull each others pants down at any opportunity to embarrass each other. This went on for weeks. Sweatpants where never worn, short strings where tied very tight, if you didn't have a belt on with your jeans you where in trouble.

Well, on one unsuspecting Friday, a laundry day; I didn't have any underwear to wear. "We were going to Wizards of the Coast, to play Everquest all night; Fuck it!" I thought, "they aren't going to get me today, i'll make sure of it." As I was about to get onto the bus to head to the mall, in front of everyone, bus driver, the cute girl I had a crush on, the group of guys who I had become very close friends with, yanked my pants down to my ankles so quick I didn't know what hit me. There I was, trying to onto the bus with my pants around my ankles bare-ass for the world to see with everyone laughing.

Well we did eventually get to Wizards of the Coast and we did play Everquest all night, but it wasn't before a nickname haunted me throughout high school. I was known as Bo-Jangles, since my balls where jangling open to the fresh air for all to see.

For the record, I am still great friends with Sephix. We still play Everquest as often as we can together, but more importantly we still are amazing loyal friends. I am sure most of you log in to Everquest or P99 due to the friendships you have developed. I know it's why I do. Now please don't call me Bo-Jangles anymore and if you do, give me a Fungi first.

[Spyder73]

The year: 2007, My age: 23 years old, Living situation: 1 Bedroom apartment with girlfriend, Place I decide to masturbate that day: My moms house

I was still in college but had my own place and was still living in the Dallas/Ft Worth area (Went to UTA Arlington). My internet at the apartment goes down when I get home from school…we had just moved in so the whole place still didn’t really feel like “home” yet.

So I decide to go play video games and crank one out at my moms house since it’s only a few miles away. This is before the days of pornhub, so I was on a site where there were like small clips and you click on one and it basically takes you to another site that will stream the video for you.

Everything is going great and then the light flash on. Mom is apparently home from work at 3:30 for some reason. I fumble and stumble over myself trying everything I can to make it looks like I am not masturbating but it is all for naught. I can’t minimize the browser, my pants are undone and falling off, the entire situation caught me so off guard and I reacted about as badly as a person could.

So I say “you kind of caught me in an awkward situation here” trying to laugh things off. My mom says “your brother better not be able to look at this stuff”, I assure her that my brother will not be effected by what I’m doing. She proceeds to change the subject and starts talking to me about something for what seems like a g@d d@mn eternity before she finally takes one last look at the computer screen, shakes her head, and walks away.

I hang my head in shame, zip up properly, and turn to shut down the internet browser….OH…MY...GOD

Across the top of the screen in size 500 font reads “MONSTER C@CKS . COM” and the video (that has apparently been playing the entire time that I was turn talking to my mother) is that of a woman getting double teamed by 2 giant wieners.

I walked out the front door without saying goodbye and still have nightmares about this incident.

[KhanhDescending]

Until somewhat recently, airlines required you to turn off electronic devices once the airplane doors closed. Most everyone hated this rule, myself included. That rule has been lifted by most airlines now. Last year I really regretted that they did...

So there I was. Starting a business trip, getting ready to board an airplane. I must briefly explain that my wife likes to purchase music online, and it's stored in the cloud. I normally don't pay much attention. Except when I travel. Because when you've flown hundreds of times, it's extremely boring. My routine is I like to kick back and listen to music during the flight. So while waiting at the airport gate, I will always sync my smartphone to Amazon, and download the music she's bought. Then I have new tunes to listen to during the flight, which is awesome.

Ever heard of a group called "Straight No Chaser"? They cover other band's songs, but they sing it completely a capella. They're similar to Pentatonix. Anyhow, they're absolutely brilliant and I like their style. I notice my wife has downloaded their latest album. And I'm like "Sweet! This is going to be great to hear the newest songs!"

So fast forward I board the plane, the usual stuff. I'm in the aisle seat. No sense getting comfortable. Someone will almost certainly be sitting next to me, which means standing up and allowing them in. So I chill, read the airline magazine, whatever. But the airplane doors close, and wow...looks like no one next to me?! This flight is going to be so comfortable!

The captain makes an announcement, and the flight attendants begin giving the usual safety briefing.

At that moment, tiny data bytes finish travelling over the airwaves. My phone is done downloading the album. And decides to just play the music. Right here. Right now.

My earbuds are not on. They're in my backpack.

My phone begins blasting, at maximum volume, the first song from the download. Which happens to be a cover version of ... "Let It Go". The signature song from the Disney movie Frozen. Yeah. Of course. Turns out that's song #1 on the download.

And the flight attendant is midway through her safety briefing.

I instantly go into shock and panic, my face probably turning various shades of red. My phone is screaming out the perfectly covered lyrics. After I come to my senses, I immediately start jamming the volume button on my phone, to turn it down.

Nothing happens.

I freak out, and keep smashing the volume button. Nothing. I try to use the touchscreen to stop the song. Nothing! I try to do anything. Nothing happens!!! My phone is locked up, not responding, but blaring throughout the airplane a smooth and beautiful a capella version of "Let It Go" from Frozen. At 100 billion decibels. From my seat on the plane.

My earbuds are buried somewhere in my backpack. I don't know where. I don't think I can afford to rustle around and find them. Because everyone within 15 rows is staring at me. Remember, no one next to me in that window seat? They know *exactly* what complete idiot is rocking Disney music from his phone. On a plane on the ground. While the flight attendance is talking about oxygen and flotation devices. I'm not sure what my face looks like, but I'm sure it was completely amazing.

Volume not working, song not stopping, no headphones easily accessible, and phone locked up. Acting entirely on instinct, I do the only thing that comes to mind. I take my phone. And shove it under my ass. I sit on it just as hard as I can. Trying to muffle the sound. It's better! But not good enough. I crush down harder, gripping the phone firmly with my butt cheeks, in a desperate last-ditch effort to cease this nightmare.

It works. Mostly. I can still hear the music, but it's much quieter. *Maybe* the people in front of me can hear. But it's a temporary respite. The engines roar to life, which helps even more! I can finally think and see straight. Enough to consider whether the plane will land before the battery in my phone dies.

Meanwhile, reverberating through my colon and rectum. "Let It Go...Let It Go!" "Can't hold it back anymore!"

I'd better hold it back! I've got 1 hour until landing. After a while (which feels like hours) I deduce that if I'm very careful...I can slide a finger under my ass. Try to feel for the power button on my phone. Hold it down. And see if the phone will turn off. Please, please work.

I wiggle and squirm. The volume increases slightly as I try this ass-trick, but it WORKS!! The phone turns off! I'm so relieved.

And yet horribly, terribly embarrassed and ashamed. I pull my baseball cap over my eyes and pretend to sleep. But never do. I don't touch my phone, I don't grab my earbuds. I remain....well....Frozen. The plane eventually lands. I stay in my seat and feign sleep. I wait for everyone to get up and leave. And I'm the last one off the plane. As I exit, I pretend to be extremely preoccupied with my backpack and not look any flight attendants in the eye.

Ever since that day, I hook earbuds into my phone *before* entering any airport! The whole time. And they stay hooked in until I leave. Whether I'm listening to music and using my phone, or not. Because I know that phone gremlin is in there, waiting, hoping to embarrass me with another teen Disney anthem....

[Vareous]

When I was a kid my neighbours used to pay me 50 bucks to water their plants over the summer holidays while they went off to Bali for vacation for like a whole month.

They had a swimming pool that would be emptied every time they left. This pool wasn't your normal domestic style swimming pool that you see kids skate boarding in when empty either, it was basically a big ass rectangular prism in the ground, and it was deep as fuck too. It had a single big step up the front that was about a meter and a half from the bottom and the pool depth itself would have been at least 2 meters.

One year when I was around 14 or 15, I was over there doing my job and as I went past the empty pool I noticed a goanna (lizard) stuck in the bottom of the pool.

Now I grew up in a somewhat rural part of central Australia, temperatures during the summer got to around 40 degrees Celsius during the day, so stupidly without a thought I jumped down into the pool to try and rescue this goanna. I very quickly realised I wouldn't be able to get it out with my bare hands (cause I was being a pussy) and turned around to see if I could go find a towel or something to grab it with, only to discover I couldn't actually pull myself up onto the step to get back out of the pool.

http://i.imgur.com/aHLp5Tm.jpg

At first I was calm about it, and thought to myself this is fine, I can work my way out of this. After about an hour of not being able to pull myself out of this empty pool I started to panic. As I mentioned before I lived in rural Australia, the blocks of land everyone had in my neighbourhood were around 5 acres or more, so houses were not right next to each other. Anyway, thinking I was going to die in the bottom of this pool I started screaming my lungs off for help. After about 30min or so of that I was crying like a little girl while screaming for help.

Eventually not 1 but 6 different people from around the neighborhood (including one of my buddies, his mum and his sister) got there all around the same time to see me crying and screaming for help in the bottom of this pool like some big baby. Two of the guys pulled me out and I was so embarrassed and distraught that I couldn't stop sobbing and just kinda sat there in some sort of upright fetal position.

Anyway my mother got there shortly after I got pulled out of the pool and after making sure I was ok and thanking all the neighbours and whatnot she very cleverly got a ladder, went down into the pool and rescued the goanna with her bare hands mind you, while I sat there thinking about how much of a dickhead I must have looked like to all of my neighbours. I still cringe when I think about it to this day.

[NovaSeven]

I was sitting in my car at a gas station at 7am letting the tank fill up on a cold day, when this guy came up to my window. I shook my head "no", thinking that it was a beggar (lots of homeless people/people looking to beg gasoline at this location, especially early in the morning). He kept motioning to me so I rolled down my window. He told me my tire was very low on air, and when it looked it was very low, dangerously low. I felt guilty and thanked him. He was only trying to help me out.

[Droobie]

Working at a prison i see alot of weird and unusual shit. 2 Days before i leave to go to the academy while working (lets just say Dorm H). Im doing a random security check and witness to male inmates going at it (yea the old ground and pound). So as im looking through the glass trying to process this, i put my foot against the door and tell the inmates to stop. I get them together and seperate them, inmate 1 tells me he needs to make a phone call, im like uh no have a seat..... Hes like but i cant.... I tell him, hmm i wonder why. So i call my shift commander and tell him the story and i got 2 guys fucking up on the dorm. Hes like what? Im like i got 2 doods up here fucking sir. Hes like HUH? I told him i wasnt going to repeat it again. So after everythings done, paperwork and a few hours later im called to Majors office. Im thinking shit what did i do now maybe my paperwork is screwed up. But nope im greeted with a cake that says "Hump Guy"...... sigh i love my job.

[Sheek]

So I was about 19 years old. Having just met this beautiful girl through some friends we decided to go on a date.

We ending up at a restaurant, nothing too fancy. Infront of friends, i'll completely pig out, and get ribs, wings, whatever. However it's a date, I'm keeping it cool and ordering the salmon with rice.

Fast forward a couple of hours, the date is going fantastic. We are clicking on every level, not missing a beat. But then it hits me. My stomach starts to turn, and the pain kicks in. I'm thinking keep it cool, were at the finish line. After about another 20 minutes in, it hits me. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK over and over again in my head, I have to use the restroom I tell her.

I'm sweating, rushing into the restroom BAM, empty. HELL YES i get into that stall and massive bombs start to go off. It's getting wild. someone walks into the restroom, I don't give a fuck at this point. I've held it in for long enough, and it's some of the most absurd sounds you have ever heard with a stink that is unmatched.

I walk out of the stall and as I'm washing my hands I notice a tampon machine on the wall. Instantly I'm like oh shit. I look up into the mirror and notice a stall door open with this woman whom I've been on a date with. She was literally speechless. Only thing just muttered was "uhhh". I left the restroom, found our waitress to pay the tab and left. Not even sure if she went back to the table or left.

Our mutual friends never brought her up again. No way she could not tell that story. It was terrible.

[Jdoggnelson]

When I was a younger man probably mid teens I lived at home with my parents and two siblings. My brother is a year younger than me and my little sister is seven years younger than me. Now let me preface this by saying that every teenage boy looks at porn, but back in 1998 we didn't have the luxury of having smart phones and we had to get our rocks off the old fashioned way.... in front of a computer. This PC however, just happened to be the family home computer.

I was knowledgeable as far as closing all the windows out and clearing the browser history... deleting cookies and what not, so I though I was pretty slick. Everyone would go to bed and I would sneak off and surf all the wonders of the world wide web. Besides all the porno mags I stole from my uncle were from the 80's anyways. The women were a bit unkempt. This new exploration of topical p0rn0 was a renaissance for a teenage boy.

One Saturday morning I was awoke to my father busting my bedroom door open, flicking on the light, and snatching the blankets off my unconscious body all while screaming to get the F*** OUT OF BED! Confused and basically sleep walking he marched me upstairs and into the area of our house where we kept said computer. As I approached the family room I noticed my mother, sister, and brother were all standing there looking at me with disgust. I had a suspicion as to why I was in trouble, but extremely confused as to how I got caught :confused:

I glanced at the computer as the lecture started regarding inappropriate material and noticed a tiny window with a nude lady reading STOP NOW: CLICK THIS LINK. Realizing that a pop up window must have appeared unbeknownst to me the night before, I began to curse technology. To make matters worse my young sister was the first to get on the computer that morning to play one of her games and found the naked lady pop up :eek: I was dying a thousand deaths at the shame and anger of my mother and father reaming me out on top of the fact that my sister knew I was a perv. Even my uncle told me I was a creep a week later. Worst embarrassment of my life no doubt

[Jotei]

A couple of months ago near the end of my stay at the City of Mist I was recreating with a a talented group of adventurers (all new faces but for one dashing little halfman) in the equestrian district. Our party was really no more than a matter of accident, a series of chance encounters following the Great Blackout 7 weeks ago. But we were wildly efficient and I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

Since the aforementioned halfman - a very courageous little guy - was zealously guarding the attention of interlopers through most of our encounters I was afforded the rare opportunity to let down my guard. I let myself go and dove head first into a stash of homey mead that I had brought with me to the City, but had thus far left entirely untouched.

Things were going splendidly. I was having a swell time. There really is nothing like trying to navigate the retarding haze of inebriation back to the safety of your room and waiting companions while being hostilely pursued.

Anyway, things were going great and everyone was enjoying the experience. Then it happened. We had just finished off a quick encounter with a couple aggressive locals when out of nowhere - striking from the shadows - someone pulls my pants down. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered me much. Anyone who knows me knows I am pretty open and not easily embarrassed. A warrior can ill afford the luxury of modesty. Under ordinary circumstances is have simply reproached my assailant and their mischief with the brawn of by sticks, but this time disaster struck!

Like a fish at sea, I floated contentedly in my blissful inebriation entirely unaware of what had happened until I moved to search out more souls to free. My lovely Wu's pants clung tightly above my knees disabling me more effectively than a Druid snare. The next fraction of a second felt like an eternity as fell forward fumbling in my drunkenness to free myself of the snare - still unaware of what had happened. Needless to say my descent was indifferent to the fact that my hands were occupied and I had no way of catching myself as I fell forward.

I dropped to my knees to mitigate the momentum, but still landed squarely on my forehead, my bare ass in the air with my hands clutching my pants. I remained like that in a stupor for several brief moments before a gentle breeze alerted me of my situation. I dropped to my side and floundered on the smoldering shores of despair desperately seeking return to the soothing waters of inebriated bliss for Quelliois knows how long, struggling to wrest the snug band of my fine silk pants up past my delightfully rotund derrière.

The alcohol quickly quelled any anxiety I had suffered and after a short spate of expletives into the shadows, I returned to my business of pulling. My assailant never revealed themself, though having struck so efficiently from the shadows their can be no doubt of their profession.

It wasn't until the next morning, once the stale world of sobriety had reclaimed me that I was truly embarrassed. I had a large red mark running the down the length of my forehead from where I had bit the ground and apparently skidded a couple of inches. That damned mark remained for the better part of two weeks and was reluctant to hide behind bangs or concealer or anything no matter how hard I tried!

[Glosk]

I just finished college while living with my dad and moved into my very own apartment. About 2 weeks, I interviewed with a local company that I had been working with over summers during college. It was a short interviewed and the conversation was mostly, welcome aboard and you start next week.

I celebrated with my friends that night and being too drunk, a "dedicated" driver drove me home. I attempted to open the front door and was locked and I had no idea where the keys were so walked over to the window, opened it and crawl inside and went to sleep.

The next morning, I awaken to my Dad standing over me on the bed asking me "Son, what are you doing here?" Hungover, I replied, how did you get into my apartment?

[xexbis0]

Man Vareous and Sheek brought this to the next level. Those 2 are good.

[zdinka]

New player, loving the server so far :) It's refreshing not to be instantly gratified! Decided I wanted to play a melee dps or hybrid tank, but have not settled on a class yet.

Anyways, embarrassment.. To segue in, when I was little I would get Alice in Wonderland syndrome whenever I was sick, embarrassed, or angry. Basically it's like zooming out in EQ with the mouse wheel and seeing the immediate surroundings in third person--still happens on occasion.

In third or fourth grade we were sitting around listening to the teacher read. Sitting cross-legged I felt the inevitable ass tickle and subsequent stomach drop of an epic fart waiting in the rafters. Hoping it would go away I just ignored it. Over the course of the next 5 minutes my stomach continued to tie itself in a knot as the fart inched its way down. As I attempted to raise my knee to reposition, out came the loudest (non-amplified) fart that I have ever heard. Instantly the Alice in Wonderland comes out and I am looking down at myself. I see my classmates recoil and instinctively move away from ground zero and hallucinated a giant black patch beneath me, slowly encroaching outwards. Naturally I attempted to blame the guy sitting next to me but he was already butt shuffling out of the way with an inscrutable look on his face. I try moving to the right, everyone to the right moves away from me. Try moving to the left, same result. After a minute or so of shuffling, the teacher looks up and asks what is going on. Inevitably, a handful of people point their fingers at me and relate that I had farted. I insisted that it didn't smell, so people shouldn't bothered by it.. but they were bothered, really bothered. The teacher finished the story as I sat alone in the middle of the area with the other kids ringed 5-6ft to my sides. This earned me a temporary nick-name of "farter" until another kid puked all over their desk and earned the most repulsed title.

Thinking about it now makes me laugh, but it was super embarrassing at the time..

[ripwind]

Got turbo-drunk at a pal's wedding that I was standing up in. Eventually knew I had to throw up, so I gave my camera to another groomsman and asked him to take pics. Most of the males in the wedding party came with as we got some pretty amazing action shots. I then took the camera with the pics and showed the bride's mom and sister. I'm pretty great.

Also, I took pictures of my balls with the disposable cameras on the tables. No, I was not 15 at the time. I'm also disqualified from this competition, and for some reason shared anyway.

[SowIsLifeSowIsLove]

Hope OP likes to read

[Nathanian]

I'll keep it brief like a radio station call in should be :D

*99.9% TRUE

8th grade PE class
30+ kids sitting on their numbers on the basketball court
Last name starts with a C so I'm front row center
Teacher is an attractive 20 something female
After calling attendance wants to show us proper stretches
Teacher loathes bras and panties
Full view of my first IRL boobies and shaved giner for 10 minutes
Teacher abruptly pulls me up from sitting to use me as an example
Raging boner in PE shorts with boxers
Class laughs
Teacher accidently bumps it, and I try hiding it
Get sent to female principal to explain the problem
Hand off to female Dean for explanation as well
Call Parents
Get detention
New nickname Boner
Start playing EQ in 1999
Get lucky, we move middle of high school
Life is good
Senior year new kid starts from old school
New nickname Boner
EQ is my escape from High School
Playing Shadow Knight
Summon Pet
'Boner'


Currently level 8 DEF SK looking forward to summoning a new 'Boner'

Raerx
Shadow Knight



**00.1% - Told parents a lie in lieu of boner

[leftharted]

Hello!
Don’t let my join date fool you, highest I have on p99 blue is a 12 shaman. I have a 32 shaman on Red that ive given up on; and now commited to Blue. Shammy (like most classes) is pretty painful low-level with no equipment; but once I break the dreaded push to 24 and then 34; itll all be downhill (IMO). I mained a cleric on live kunark-LDoN-ish era; and always wanted to level a shaman to max. Found p99 a while ago, made my troll shaman, and got that OOOoooOOO nostalgia feeling when I finally made it to the tunnel, but ultimately never really got started. Got married last year and had been pretty busy IRL up until now; so in lieu of Velious being released (my favorite era) im picking the torch back up this week; and ive also convinced my best work buddy to give p99 a try. He’s currently borrowing my old CD’s. Currently trying to convince my brother to quit WoW and dig up his ole CD’s for a heavy dose of nostalgia with me.

Id love to win your contest, since a Fungi would equate to a lot of efficiency for my chosen class of course… but I realize this might be a lot to read, and the entries are quite numerous already. All the same, its Clearly worth a try! Fungi would help me grind up to that 24/34 range easily and thereafter, where Shaman starts to shine on its own… In the Spirit of classic EQ; I vow that if I win the Fungi, ill give it to another newbie once I grind 60 and torpor. Yea, that might take me awhile, but ill do it. I used to love stalking newbies on my old cleric; buff them up and give them a few off-hand plat and items to kick start them. Id do the same with the fungi. Personally, I probably wouldn’t play Forumquest to select my newbie. Id stalk him, question him; gauge his honor as best I could! If I believed he would make good use of it (or at LEAST know How to make use of it?) id trade it, and run. but that’s just me. I appreciate the chance to do so Here, because I cant bring myself to full on ‘beg’… id rather feel like I was chosen, or somehow earned it. That being said, ive already seem some old fashion generosity! A helpful soul gave me a suit of banded armor and 50pp to buy my initial spells =)

In case you feel the same notion; my Shaman is Oipi. Youll probably see me weekdays 6-9ish PST timezone, random times on weekends, if you want to contact (or stalk 8P ) me in-game.

My entry:

I was 16 years old, it was a Saturday. Parents leave to go to some barbeque day party thing; I stay home because I was scheming to invite the girl over from down the street that I was infatuated with. She tells me that she has to wait an hour or so for her mom to leave before she can sneak out and walk to my place. Half an hour goes by, and my excited and dumb 16 year-old brain decides to masturbate…. So, im sitting in front of the living room PC looking up porn pics (wasn’t all about videos back then..) with sword in hand; and the damn doorbell rings. I wasn’t paying attention to the time, its HER. I panic and clean up as quickly as I can… Answer the door with my heart beating out of my chest…. I did my best to play it cool, which probably wasn’t very cool at all….

The PC was still on, but the ole reliable Windows screensaver had taken effect. Maybe 10min goes by, and I accidentally bump the desk; which moved that old stupid roller mouse, which in turn dropped the screen saver; which then showed off the window I forgot to Minimize…. My heart SANK, right down into my bowels…. She Froze at first, with her jaw on the floor… after that awkward 5sec Pause which felt like 30min, she BURST into laughter, and immediately started getting ready to leave… of course, I did my best to explain myself, which was a whole bunch of incomplete sentences…. I got the whole “uhhhh. Yea. Bye.” On her way out the door, and proceeded to be MORTIFIED for the remainder of the weekend….

To make matter WORSE, I played hooky Monday. Convinced mom I was sick, which I wasn’t; because I didn’t want to face the music. Big mistake. High school boys smell B.S. from a mile away if its one of their own; and that Night I had all my friends calling my house phone with a W.T.F. Happened attitude…. She told EVERYBODY. Apparently, it was a big ordeal at school; and all of my friends instantly knew I ditched to Hide my face, which in their minds confirmed it…. It MUST be true… Well, because my friends blew up our house phone so much Monday night (this was before cell phones took over Everything) my mom caught wind that something was up, and Questioned my fake sickness…

Being mortified, I didn’t want to tell my mom that I got caught looking at porn by the girl I ‘liked’ on the living room PC that I wasn’t supposed to be on; let alone have had anyone over the house. So, I did what every 16 year old would do… I Lied… I said it was over a fight with a kid at school and blah blah…. I lied a little too hard…. Because she then wanted to talk to the principal the following morning….

Unwilling to swallow my pride, and tell Mom the truth; she takes me to school the following morning, marches right into the principal’s office (me sitting outside) full of fervor… only for the Principal to tell her the REAL reason I stayed home the following day…. Apparently, it was such a big ‘event’ that even the school STAFF found out… My Mom was actually kinda cool about it all; and luckily didn’t make me re-hash the issue much; because she say the struggle I already put myself through because of it…..

I was henceforth the jerk off kid at school…. Those next few weeks were pretty bad… we all remember how bad high school could be…. Not too long after living through it I joined a band at least; which improved my Faction with the Ladies from the aforementioned Threatening to roughly Dubious … so I survived. But ultimately it was NEVER lived down… even mentioned In a few yearbook autographs…

Memories….. looking back, might be why I played a whole lot of EQ back then….. Hrmph… Retrospect. 8P

[Subidoo]

Back when I was 17, my friends decided to drag me go a party that was outdoors cause I was a gamer and never went outside. The biggest reason was because a girl that I really really liked was going to be there, well after a short while it took to gather the courage to go, I ended up there. She was at the bonfire and I could see her and I drank enough to get the courage to talk to her, nowhich after a few minutes her friend walks up with a blunt and starts lighting it up,as it went around then finally came to me (I have never smoked before :/ ) I took a hefty hit and couldn't stop coughing. Everyone laughed, I laughed, after about 10 min I got wayyyyyyyyy high. I ran up the mountain into the dark and jumped behind a bush, I thought she would follow and I would jump and somewhat scare her (say it work in a movie) well My friend came instead, when I jumped out and scared him he started to fall backwards well I grab his hand and he pulled me. We both fell down the mountain, well he ended up on top of me and I on the bottom. I hit my head so I didn't even think to get up quick, well everyone started laughing. I thought it was because he fell on me, nope apparently during the fall my pants ripped and that night I was wearing Garfield boxers. Yup, I didn't hear the end of that for the sooooooo many years. Was tough being a nerd back then.

Just started playing p99, love it! Lvl 9 shaman, named Shamanana 😊

[Caridry]

Heh I've been dreaming for a fungi...

I turned down losing my virginity in high school to raid in EQ. Plain and simple. Also to this day, she is still smoking hot but has self confidence issues because I turned her down because of a game almost 17 years ago.

Tibboh - 56 Druid
Shux- 26 necro
If I get fungi, a shaman will be born.

[Herpa Derp]

The first time I found out about the autorun key was on the boat, I had a level 11 paladin who had been gifted some lowbie stuff and I got man-handled by a cyclops. The amount of stress and rage I had felt was so intense that I remember it to this day. I just rerolled as a monk.

I stayed up for three days straight one time when I got stuck down in the bottom of Kurns at level 13 because I didn't know there was a way out and everything was red. I spent almost that entire time /who'ing and begging random strangers to release me from my hell, until someone (who became a long time friend after the fact) came and rescued my exhausted self.

I didn't understand what lava was in LS until it had killed me about 30 times.

I had my ability to have my surname removed on live after a disagreement with a GM about the naming policy and what qualified as a pop culture reference. To this day it's still in effect.

The first time I was in L-fay I had a high level SoW, though I got lost in the forest. I eventually had the pained unicorn as well as about a dozen horrible other things chasing me around until SoW faded and I died 2 feet from the zoneline via unicorn impalement. I was bound on Kunark. I was literally running around the woods, screaming to myself for over an hour because I was 14 and didn't know what to do.

On live, a GM once possessed a ghoul while I was in the Oasis of Marr and started stalking me and talking in rhymes while suggesting I help him make the everquest equivalent of N*SYNC. A level 45ish ogre came over, hit him once, and then was death touched. Then he handed me two rubies, an amethyst, and vanished.

Once I was pulled into the GM box after being falsely reported for training someone, after things got cleared up the GM kept me in the box with him for at least another half hour because I had asked him what it was like being a GM. It was actually pretty cool.

Real life: The first time I got drunk, I blacked out and woke up the next day with my dick in a sprinkler hole, with the sprinkler broken off next to me and mud all over myself. My boss/friend who I was drinking with told me I had been walking around naked while holding a towel all night, and stuck my head in the microwave and fell asleep like that for about two hours. He had no idea about the sprinkler thing and will never find out. I have a lot more drinking stories, and a lot of stories of insanely crazy stuff about drugs, but I don't want to clog this place up.

Thanks for sponsoring this, but it's been awesome just going through reading everyone else's stories. Some of you guys have done some whacky stuff.

[Faywind]

I rolled a character on Red.

We have a clear front runner here!

[Squidgerino]

When I was about six years old, I went to the park with my sister and our friend Bekah. We used to do the "spider" on the swing, where two people are facing each other on the same swing, which allowed us go pretty fast and high. On this particular occasion, I was sitting on the bottom and Bekah was sitting on my lap. We were going pretty high when, all of a sudden, I slipped from the swing's seat. The only problem was that my pants stayed on the seat. So there I was, dangling upside down in the middle of a populated park with no pants and my underwear partially off and showing my bare ass. I was mortified. I struggled, attempting to sit up and get my pants back on, but Bekah couldn't stop laughing. She just kept sitting on my legs, trapping me. I heard other people laugh me as they walked by. Finally, I squirmed out and fell to the ground and scrambled to pull my underwear and pants back on. But to this day, I don't remember ever being more embarrassed.

- I just started on this server about 3 weeks ago, but I used to play EQ back in 1999-2001. I have a 21 Troll Sk, and I'm trying to decide whether to play a halfling or gnome rogue with my wife too :)

[Sibbykins]

Lizard story is the best.

I also enjoy the one where the guy jumped down out of a tree house and ripped his pants completely open.

I'm not contributing my embarrassing stories, but Fifi asked help in judging from a pair of us. :)

[Grujj]

When I was a kid I was dared to put a hermit crab in my pants, I did and he latched onto my scrotum. My stepmother removed him for me.

[xexbis0]

Hello!
Don’t let my join date fool you, highest I have on p99 blue is a 12 shaman. I have a 32 shaman on Red that ive given up on; and now commited to Blue. Shammy (like most classes) is pretty painful low-level with no equipment; but once I break the dreaded push to 24 and then 34; itll all be downhill (IMO). I mained a cleric on live kunark-LDoN-ish era; and always wanted to level a shaman to max. Found p99 a while ago, made my troll shaman, and got that OOOoooOOO nostalgia feeling when I finally made it to the tunnel, but ultimately never really got started. Got married last year and had been pretty busy IRL up until now; so in lieu of Velious being released (my favorite era) im picking the torch back up this week; and ive also convinced my best work buddy to give p99 a try. He’s currently borrowing my old CD’s. Currently trying to convince my brother to quit WoW and dig up his ole CD’s for a heavy dose of nostalgia with me.

Id love to win your contest, since a Fungi would equate to a lot of efficiency for my chosen class of course… but I realize this might be a lot to read, and the entries are quite numerous already. All the same, its Clearly worth a try! Fungi would help me grind up to that 24/34 range easily and thereafter, where Shaman starts to shine on its own… In the Spirit of classic EQ; I vow that if I win the Fungi, ill give it to another newbie once I grind 60 and torpor. Yea, that might take me awhile, but ill do it. I used to love stalking newbies on my old cleric; buff them up and give them a few off-hand plat and items to kick start them. Id do the same with the fungi. Personally, I probably wouldn’t play Forumquest to select my newbie. Id stalk him, question him; gauge his honor as best I could! If I believed he would make good use of it (or at LEAST know How to make use of it?) id trade it, and run. but that’s just me. I appreciate the chance to do so Here, because I cant bring myself to full on ‘beg’… id rather feel like I was chosen, or somehow earned it. That being said, ive already seem some old fashion generosity! A helpful soul gave me a suit of banded armor and 50pp to buy my initial spells =)

In case you feel the same notion; my Shaman is Oipi. Youll probably see me weekdays 6-9ish PST timezone, random times on weekends, if you want to contact (or stalk 8P ) me in-game.

My entry:

I was 16 years old, it was a Saturday. Parents leave to go to some barbeque day party thing; I stay home because I was scheming to invite the girl over from down the street that I was infatuated with. She tells me that she has to wait an hour or so for her mom to leave before she can sneak out and walk to my place. Half an hour goes by, and my excited and dumb 16 year-old brain decides to masturbate…. So, im sitting in front of the living room PC looking up porn pics (wasn’t all about videos back then..) with sword in hand; and the damn doorbell rings. I wasn’t paying attention to the time, its HER. I panic and clean up as quickly as I can… Answer the door with my heart beating out of my chest…. I did my best to play it cool, which probably wasn’t very cool at all….

The PC was still on, but the ole reliable Windows screensaver had taken effect. Maybe 10min goes by, and I accidentally bump the desk; which moved that old stupid roller mouse, which in turn dropped the screen saver; which then showed off the window I forgot to Minimize…. My heart SANK, right down into my bowels…. She Froze at first, with her jaw on the floor… after that awkward 5sec Pause which felt like 30min, she BURST into laughter, and immediately started getting ready to leave… of course, I did my best to explain myself, which was a whole bunch of incomplete sentences…. I got the whole “uhhhh. Yea. Bye.” On her way out the door, and proceeded to be MORTIFIED for the remainder of the weekend….

To make matter WORSE, I played hooky Monday. Convinced mom I was sick, which I wasn’t; because I didn’t want to face the music. Big mistake. High school boys smell B.S. from a mile away if its one of their own; and that Night I had all my friends calling my house phone with a W.T.F. Happened attitude…. She told EVERYBODY. Apparently, it was a big ordeal at school; and all of my friends instantly knew I ditched to Hide my face, which in their minds confirmed it…. It MUST be true… Well, because my friends blew up our house phone so much Monday night (this was before cell phones took over Everything) my mom caught wind that something was up, and Questioned my fake sickness…

Being mortified, I didn’t want to tell my mom that I got caught looking at porn by the girl I ‘liked’ on the living room PC that I wasn’t supposed to be on; let alone have had anyone over the house. So, I did what every 16 year old would do… I Lied… I said it was over a fight with a kid at school and blah blah…. I lied a little too hard…. Because she then wanted to talk to the principal the following morning….

Unwilling to swallow my pride, and tell Mom the truth; she takes me to school the following morning, marches right into the principal’s office (me sitting outside) full of fervor… only for the Principal to tell her the REAL reason I stayed home the following day…. Apparently, it was such a big ‘event’ that even the school STAFF found out… My Mom was actually kinda cool about it all; and luckily didn’t make me re-hash the issue much; because she say the struggle I already put myself through because of it…..

I was henceforth the jerk off kid at school…. Those next few weeks were pretty bad… we all remember how bad high school could be…. Not too long after living through it I joined a band at least; which improved my Faction with the Ladies from the aforementioned Threatening to roughly Dubious … so I survived. But ultimately it was NEVER lived down… even mentioned In a few yearbook autographs…

Memories….. looking back, might be why I played a whole lot of EQ back then….. Hrmph… Retrospect. 8P

This is the first story I truly felt bad for someone. You were right there and had it ALL ripped from under you. The chick was even in your house without supervision. Guys like Boner could have played it off. His was a potentially funny story. You were cooked and done. Hope you win.

[Zkippy]

I'm a waiter, and I have a horrible memory for faces, especially when there are so many in the restaurant.
Anyway, one day I was waiting on 2 kinda big guys that were waiting for 2 more to join them. So I was up by the bar talking with someone, and then I see this guy come up, looking around on the patio, which is on the other side of the bar. I ask the guy, "Can I help you?" to which he replied, "I'm just looking for 2 guys that might be here." For some reason, I just let words spew out of my mouth without thinking sometimes, and I ask "Oh, are they 2 heavy set guys?" He pauses for a second, and says, "Uh, yeah. Kind of." So, happy to be of help, I said "Oh yeah, they're just over there, in a booth by that pillar." He smirks as he responds, "No, that's us.." Ugh, now I recognize him. Silence.
And, now I have to spend an hour and a half waiting on the guy, pretending nothing is out of the ordinary. And all the while everyone at the table everyone is looking at me like my girlfriend just blew them all.
For some reason, they didn't shaft me on the tip, so it wasn't a complete loss heh.

[leftharted]

This is the first story I truly felt bad for someone. You were right there and had it ALL ripped from under you. The chick was even in your house without supervision. Guys like Boner could have played it off. His was a potentially funny story. You were cooked and done. Hope you win.

Haha, TYVM for the sentiment 8P

Yea, it was pretty bad... I did my best to play it off; but high school kids aren't forgiving or forgetting in nature.... I've moved on and all that jazzin the decade+ since, but; I'm not in contact with ANYONE from those old days anymore, haha...

It very well could have been this event that fostered my original Everquest addiction... 8P

And now I'm back for another healthy dose!

[mmmroo]

Why not just random;y find a noob in game that clearly needs the help lol? why make such a show?

[Fifield]

Why not just random;y find a noob in game that clearly needs the help lol? why make such a show?

because thats not fun and this was hilarious to read?

live a little

[mmmroo]

Yeah people need to feed the ego , very true.

[Nathanian]

In my opinion, I think it brings the community together. It seems we are pretty small and niche.

Also it gave me a chance to tell one of my most embarrassing stories that happened during my original EQ days, even though EQ made fun of me as well at the time lol.

Still to this day, I run into random people that refer to me as that boner guy, I was meeting with a client trying closing a nice deal and their IT director was someone from my High School. He told everyone that story afterward and I ended up getting the project.

[BranRizzy]

My uncle had just bought a shop, and the bathroom wasn't set up yet. I was tasked with waiting at the shop for 8 hours until our equipment showed up by truck. As nature would have it, I needed to poo really bad. I found a plastic bag, put some dirt in it like a makeshift litter box and released the beast, put some dirt on top of my latest creation threw it back into the box of my truck. Well it rained the rest of the day and I forgot about the bag in the back of my truck for about 3 days. Well me and the wife were going on a road trip, and I was clearing the box of my truck and BAM there is the bag, the wife has no idea, and I try to just throw it in the garbage no big deal. Well the rain had made the dirt turn to mud, and it was far too heavy for the little plastic bag, the bottom gave out. Out cascades this shit and mud mix that I frantically started trying to get off my drive way, while my neighbour was cleaning his car, and the wife really confused as too why I felt so strongly about cleaning this mud now. Well, when I told her what was actually going on, I don't think she stopped laughing for 40 minutes.

[Fifield]

I've picked my 2 winners, waiting to hear back from one of them. If I don't by tommorow i'll award this to the 1 winner.

Thanks for participating in this everyone, was a great read =DD

I'll announce tommorow!

[Nathanian]

**Checks Private Messages**
You have been knocked unconscious!
Raerx has been slain by embarrassment!
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

[leftharted]

I've picked my 2 winners, waiting to hear back from one of them. If I don't by tommorow i'll award this to the 1 winner.

Thanks for participating in this everyone, was a great read =DD

I'll announce tommorow!

Duly noted, doesn't appear to be me either; But thank you for the chance!

Oipi

[Zekayy]

You nerds

[Subidoo]

Is there a semi runner up few hundred plat prize ��

[Cazador64]

Hello first about my character i am playing a bard atm currently level 16. Old school eq player (would be higher but 2 surgeries past 2 weeks have kept me down) anyways I think one of the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me was on a vacation in Maui during a snorkeling trip. Like most snorkeling trips they are in large groups. Well i had a bit to drink the night prior and was not feeling well to start. The water was a bit wavey but visibility was about 200 feet. Anyway i was out in the water and there was this pretty girl out there also we had noddles to help us float I was trying to act smart by naming off the fish that I knew, well while talking i caught a mouthful of sea water and swallowed it. I threw up all in the water and it all floated around this poor girl and to top is off the fish love throwup so they all swarmed her. She screamed and the life guards thought something was wrong so they rushed over and saw what had happened and yelled back to the boat what it was. And to top it all off it was a 40 minute boat ride back and noone would sit next to me. Was very embarrassing.

[wharfrat70]

Awww - I guess my story didn't have enough poop and erections in it :)

[maskedmelon]

Some really marvelous tales here...

[Wenastik]

Well, it was fun to remember something that happened years ago when Wharfrat70 and I worked together.

[Fifield]

Awww - I guess my story didn't have enough poop and erections in it :)

lmao wharfrat, i am a sucker to poop stories

But hey, grats to these 2 winners:

Vareous - lvl 40 monk named Reptox! The little crybaby in the pool
Sheek - lvl 40 magician named Sheek! Women bathroom shitter

You both will be splitting the sale of that fungi and enjoy 22.5k each. Enjoy the money, buy something sweet, and for the love of god stop pooping in the womens bathrooms.


Thanks again for sharing guys, was enjoyable to read.

[Subidoo]

Lucky winners! If you guys feel generious, my shammy could use a poison wind censer �� lol

[FatMice]

lmao wharfrat, i am a sucker to poop stories

But hey, grats to these 2 winners:

Vareous - lvl 40 monk named Reptox! The little crybaby in the pool
Sheek - lvl 40 magician named Sheek! Women bathroom shitter

You both will be splitting the sale of that fungi and enjoy 22.5k each. Enjoy the money, buy something sweet, and for the love of god stop pooping in the womens bathrooms.


Thanks again for sharing guys, was enjoyable to read.

You're off my friends list. I can't believe I didn't win!

[wharfrat70]

Grats to the winners - thanks for the generous offer to the sponsor - and thanks for sharing funny stories to all entrants :)

[Gumbo]

Man... This contest is over already?

I was going to post my story about my bad experience of EQ sex with my girlfriend who lived in another state but I guess it's going remain a secret now...

[Swish]

Man... This contest is over already?

I was going to post my story about my bad experience of EQ sex with my girlfriend who lived in another state but I guess it's going remain a secret now...

Who climaxed first? You or your character?

[Gumbo]

Who climaxed first? You or your character?

Nope, not going to get any of the story but I will say it's from the old school EQ days, back in 1999 when I was young, dumb and full of... well, you know... ;)

[Aeolous]

So, was drinking heavily with my band mates and having a great time. Didn't get super trashed, but definitely felt it the next morning. I woke up, and there were little peices of poop around me (slept on the floor), and down my leg. Lost control of my bowls I suppose. So I clean it all up, take a shower and throw my clothes in the washer, thinking I had avoided the embarrasment. I had not. I woke up, the singer for our band asked what was on the back of my leg and said that he had found a small peice of poop on the floor in our jam room. They still give me shit (pun intended) all the time for it.

Aolus 34 Bard

[Vareous]

grats to these 2 winners:

Vareous - lvl 40 monk named Reptox! The little crybaby in the pool
Sheek - lvl 40 magician named Sheek! Women bathroom shitter


Haha, glad some good managed to come from my embarrassment!

[Subidoo]

Lucky! Ill take your old stuff ����

[Eleven]

So I've only been playing on the server around two months and this was the first time I've checked the forums.

My story is far too fresh in my mind, since it happened earlier this year, making it feel all more embarrassing. I still have to share it.

One of the first nice, warm weekends comes around two weeks ago.

I wake up and realize: today would be a perfect day to grill out. I throw on a shirt and some shorts, pick up my wallet and keys, and head out the door to get some steaks from the store.

I see my neighbors having a party with a few people over--most I don't know. They smile, I wave, get in the car and head to the grocery store.

I get to the grocery store, get out of the car and go to put my wallet in my pocket. I miss the pocket; it falls on the ground. I pick it up and go to place it in my pocket again.

Crap.

I'm not wearing my plaid shorts. I put on a pair of boxers. I'm standing in the parking lot in my underwear.

I immediately jump back into the car, drive home, and sit in the car waiting for the people next door to leave.

I give up after what seemed like hours (probably 5 minutes). Run inside, turn on EQ, and pretend the day never happened.

I still haven't spoken to my neighbor to find out if anyone even noticed.

[Eleven]

Also embarrassing: I posted my embarrassing store after the contest ended.

[bspa0700]

I use a 21% haste item.

- Conda