The prison guard story

[Agatha]

I once met a guy on red99, he admitted to me he was a prison guard. He really didn't like to talk about it but i love a good story. He said alot of things, how he didn't like his job but it paid the bills, and his wife doesn't want to stop popping out kids.

Anyways, on a deep dark rainy night we were talking about what exactly his job was within the prison, did he take count, did he work the guard towers, did he drive the inmates to court and back. what?

He wouldn't answer, i got this weird vibe that he was embarrassed to admit to what he actually did and he wouldn't answer for many weeks, until one time he told me he got in a fight with his wife and he got boozed up.

Perfect time to ease into what he did for work, so I start off with a "so how was work, any crazies" and his response was something bitter about his wife and i pressed on, "so what exactly do you do at work anyways".

And thats when he hit me with it, i never even considered this.


His soul job, is working prison intake, his one job is to strip the guys nude, have 8 of them bend over at a time max and inspect there buttholes while they cough.


he's been doing it for 8 years and he will be staring at other dudes buttholesfor another 12 years before he retires.

[Stalos_]

pretty sure they rotate. Need confirmation.

[Agatha]

nope, he said he fucked up epicly while on the job and didn't back up some bullshit another CO had made up to cover his ass.

from then on he was stuck at looking at buttholes.

[Slowride]

Meh, I do corrections for the Military.... Its not that big of a deal. Grow up.

[Slowride]

And yes we do rotate.

[derpcake]

At least the guy has a job though.

You ain't even qualified to stare at buttholes, lol.

[derpcake]

I mean, are you really mocking a guy with a shitty job?

While being the guy that can't even get a shitty job, and advertises himself as '60 everything, with loads of time', and still not appreciated in any guilds?

Man I don't know who you talking about, but I respect them > you.

[Agatha]

but...he stares at buttholes for a living, criminal buttholes...

[quido]

Sounds like a dream job for Agatha

[Slowride]

And gets paid well for doing it.

[derpcake]

Making money is a virtue thats appreciated in RL, by cool & normal people. I respect people that can take care of their own, especially if its through a shit job.

I understand why noone wants to guild you now.

[Agatha]

derpcake, you have truly opened my eyes. you're right, its entirely respectable thing to do to stare at buttholes 9-5 as long as you are putting food on your table.

im just wondering though, do you think after 8 years you kinda develop like a game, or like u start being able to identify repeat offenders just by looking at there buttholes.

while im on this train of thought, do you think everyones butthole is unique like a fingerprint?

I think having to stamp my butthole on a check i wrote would be way cooler than a thumbprint.

[quido]

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1189905/thumbs/h-DOG-BUTT-JESUS-348x516.jpg

[Bardalicious]

Kinda weird how you were persecuting cwall for attacking someone's RL a week ago, now you're making a thread to do it yourself.

Story time with Agatha y'all.

[derpcake]

derpcake, you have truly opened my eyes. you're right, its entirely respectable thing to do to stare at buttholes 9-5 as long as you are putting food on your table.

You are an idiot, I knew it when I first met you, drugged out & spazzing over "the state of the server", massive corruption, blah blah blah. I was just trying to get some bonechips, but you went on a rant so I got suckered into replying.

You were incapable of understanding then that "trying to recruit while barely able to form coherent sentences", was a shitty plan. You still don't.

Given time put in & future perspectives, you are probably the worst player on elf-sim.

Well played though, keep up the drugs.

[Agatha]

Kinda weird how you were persecuting cwall for attacking someone's RL a week ago, now you're making a thread to do it yourself.

Story time with Agatha y'all.

did i mention his name? no.

[Agatha]

and how dare you compare me to cwall, im not making fun of someone who is disabled.

[Agatha]

im making fun of a dude who stares at buttholes for a living. jesus.

[Swish]

I wonder how many times he's been gassed on over the years? Did anyone follow through?

Agatha you need to ask these questions and more...

[pingpong]

I mean, are you really mocking a guy with a shitty job?

While being the guy that can't even get a shitty job, and advertises himself as '60 everything, with loads of time', and still not appreciated in any guilds?

Man I don't know who you talking about, but I respect them > you.

[Troubled]

We're talking about Nocsucow, right?

[Zade]

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1189905/thumbs/h-DOG-BUTT-JESUS-348x516.jpg

jesus... has returned??

[Eslade]

why is this a thread? definitely not cool to make info that you were trusted with public.

[Supreme]

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1189905/thumbs/h-DOG-BUTT-JESUS-348x516.jpg

chortle

[gobletsmashing]

Yeah, I mean, I would consider a new career - also understand doing what you gotta do to pay the bills. Imo, not cool to make fun of someone's job, he obviously is ashamed of it - but you gotta pay the bills somehow.

[Pikrib]

A jobless person mocking a guy for having job. WTF is wrong with America.

Did you huff paint/gas as a kid Agatha? Did you drink the mercury from broken thermometers or did you just fry your brain on drugs?

PSA's
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub_a2t0ZfTs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agT2GVNQjao&list=PL6DDA4C2B113903C2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMwxWHaZUro&list=PL6DDA4C2B113903C2&index=3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sxHFKz_kjg&index=9&list=PL6DDA4C2B113903C2

[Pikrib]

Even McGruff says don't use drugs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhzCv8TX6kY&list=PL6DDA4C2B113903C2&index=17

[heartbrand]

Oh look, an agatha thread

[Yumyums Inmahtumtums]

Cringeworthy IMO

[Amplitude]

Agatha making fun of a person with a job as he rides with his dad to burgerking b/c the fgt has no car

[Eslade]

Agatha making fun of a person with a job as he rides with his dad to burgerking b/c the fgt has no car

lol, Agatha tells so many stories that don't line up according to time that it's hard to know what's true and what's not.

[Jarlon]

Good ol agatha. I liked you more when you were fat :( not some sick looking loser sitting in internet web cam rooms :(

I really wonder what your skin looks like after that , prolly not one bit of tightness. Just lose nasty skin. gross banksy

[Agatha]

wpw i didnt expect this much backlash to a made up story.


you guys take your internet pretty serious around here i just wanted to talk about buttholes

[Greegon]

You ain't even qualified to stare at buttholes, lol.

zing

[2pacalypse]

only on elfsim forum could you find people stating that all forms of work are beyond criticism. ***** it dont take shit to make good money in this world not staring at buttholes.

[Kimm Bare|y]

Doctors, Proctologists, Nurses, Sex Industry, TSA, Police also do this?

[Itap]

The dude makes money to feed his family and pay the bills, provide health insurance to his family, and has a well funded state pension. When you have a family to provide for, you do whatever it takes.

[mr.miketastic]

The dude makes money to feed his family and pay the bills, provide health insurance to his family, and has a well funded state pension. When you have a family to provide for, you do whatever it takes.

[Agatha]

still, he stares at buttholes.

[Kimm Bare|y]

Sounds like a you problem.

[Big_Japan]

the point isnt that he joined the prison industrial complex to pay the bills, sure that's "honorable"

the point is he has to stoop to staring at buttholes to pay the bills. not sure how you nigs aren't getting this. LOL

[Big_Japan]

speaking of buttholes wipe it clean

[baalzy]

im making fun of a dude who stares at buttholes for a living. jesus.

And failing at it.

[harnold]

ok can we stop now he already said he made it up

[Agatha]

i want to make a documentary "men who stare at buttholes"

[Schnarf]

Today, 03:59 AM