Help me with my *ZONK* Christmas present

[Portasaurus]

Every year for Christmas, my family buys hokey/stupid (read: inexpensive) things for each other, we wrap them, and then everyone draws 5 numbers out of a hat and we all take our turns picking presents. It is a pretty effective way of getting through the holiday season without having to spend Mastercard's money.

My trademark move is to hide one extra present in the stack which is always edible, fully prepared, and [debateably] ready to eat. I just stick whatever I make in a box, and then I wrap that box. No care is placed into securing the food or preventing contamination with the wrapping materials. You're really not supposed to eat it.

By the time you open it, it's been moved around, held upside down, shaken, stirred, thrown into a trunk, driven dozens of miles and just generally abused.

In other words: It's just a nasty mess. Merry Christmas!

Some favorites from past years:

Tuna sandwich
Eggs over-easy with wheat toast, hash browns, bacon and fresh fruit
Crab legs, sauteed asparagus, fully loaded baked potato, beer
Chili con carneNow that you know the back story, I'm trying to decide what to prepare for this year's food zonk, and I figured the p99 community was probably a safe place to turn when I'm in-need of something sensorially offensive.

Thanks in advance!

[citizen1080]

Here ya go sir. Just the picture offended me. I am sure the effect in person would be much better. You might want to double bag it as it looks like it would make for a soggy box. (once again no offense to grandma, i just really hate seafood =p)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Cioppino.jpg

[Infectious]

Tuna sandwich.... lol

[YendorLootmonkey]

Baked tilapia

[Dillian]

tin of fishsteaks partly opened and some deviled eggs

[Yumyums Inmahtumtums]

Laughed really hard at this.

[Nirgon]

I think you should make some bat wing crunchies irl

Candy the edges with brown sugar or something

If the taste is unappealing to humans, present it as a dog treat

Most dogs will eat something like this I think

A hungry dog will eat its own vomit

[Thulack]

Jello

[Peatree]

Fishsticks w/an autographed picture of Kanye

[Dillian]

Jello

[Thulack]

Or better yet then Jello.....Dirt Pudding.

[Lune]

http://i.imgur.com/P0X3Kt6.jpg

"Imitation Calamari", kind of like squid but it's made from pig rectums.

Also known as Pork Bung or Hog Bung

If you live near an Asian market (Ranch 99, etc) there's all kinds of crazy shit you can get. You can get a smelly ass durian. Cut it in half and stick in the box.

Buy a live fish, they have all types. Get one of those laminated marginally waterproof boxes and just fill the box with water and stick the live tilapia/catfish/trout in the box. Or a live crab.

Pig snouts, pig feet. Throw in some tortillas and make pig feet tacos.

Regarding durians:

Some people regard the durian as having a pleasantly sweet fragrance; others find the aroma overpowering and revolting. The smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust, and has been described variously as rotten onions, turpentine, and raw sewage. The persistence of its odour has led to the fruit's banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in Southeast Asia.

[Jenithia]

Green jello mold with cat food mixed in just like in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

[Jenithia]

Chili cheese coney dog with onions and mustard. And for fun throw in like 20 unopened wetnaps.

[YendorLootmonkey]

box full to the brim with clam chowder

[Pringles]

Definitely go with the Jello

http://content9.flixster.com/question/56/51/63/5651635_std.jpg