Dial A Port: Out Of Control Thugs??

[Kekephee]

The sight that greeted me as I approached the West Commons wizard spire was a grisly one. The corpse of a barbarian male, splayed out for all to see across the busiest wizard spire in Norrath. It was clear there was a message being sent. Somebody wanted this corpse to be viewed by all.


http://i.imgur.com/Gp3E7OH.png



This man dared to infringe upon the trademarked and hallowed name of Dial A Port, and his reward was a ghastly and untimely death, his body violated and debased for no reason but to send a message. Dial A Port has murdered a man and left his body to rot so that all who see it will know, nobody makes use of the Dial A Port name without their consent.


I can only assume I will be next, but someone has to speak out. Dial A Port has become a pack of brazen, lawless murderers, and someone must stand up to them. When I am splayed out over the West Commons spires, I hope someone will do the same for me.

[Valdarious]

lol, nice. Kind of reminds of a chuckle I had with someone dieing over and over in the Qeynos cleric pond named, diefishdie.

[Velerin]

I would say run and hide but those bastages can port around everywhere and find you.
/mourn Keke

[Invoke]

I found a bunch of un-guilded druid corpses at the bottom of OoT the other day. Sleeping with the fishes.

[Erasong]

the only way this thread can get better is with an actual keke corpse at the same spire.

[Whirled]

https://s3.amazonaws.com/dk-production/images/60667/large/lincoln4.jpg?1386474078

[Rhambuk]

say keke can I port you somewhere quiet?

[Kekephee]

*screams like a woman*

[Kekephee]

http://i.imgur.com/MHrtyba.png



Threats against my life have already begun. The wrath of Dial A Port is swift and merciless. I fear I have very little time left. Tell my family I love them.


It has been an honor to play Everquest with you, Project 1999. Be brave. Be strong. Do not let this CARTEL intimidate you.

[Dirtynads]

The sight that greeted me as I approached the West Commons wizard spire was a grisly one. The corpse of a barbarian male, splayed out for all to see across the busiest wizard spire in Norrath. It was clear there was a message being sent. Somebody wanted this corpse to be viewed by all.


http://i.imgur.com/Gp3E7OH.png



This man dared to infringe upon the trademarked and hallowed name of Dial A Port, and his reward was a ghastly and untimely death, his body violated and debased for no reason but to send a message. Dial A Port has murdered a man and left his body to rot so that all who see it will know, nobody makes use of the Dial A Port name without their consent.


I can only assume I will be next, but someone has to speak out. Dial A Port has become a pack of brazen, lawless murderers, and someone must stand up to them. When I am splayed out over the West Commons spires, I hope someone will do the same for me.

lol actually this is our Guild bank that got jumped by a skellie yest as we ported in...when we came back we just left it for the time being...too funny though :)

[Kekephee]

lol actually this is our Guild bank that got jumped by a skellie yest as we ported in...when we came back we just left it for the time being...too funny though :)


http://northportsevs.com/img/memento/lies1.jpg

[Destron]

So is Dial a Port a Union?

What kind of dues to members have to pay to get in the club? If you're not, you should be. I think a 30% skim would be good.

Stack that cheese.

[Rhambuk]

not allowed to discuss any union activities of any sort, or else.

[Dirtynads]

So is Dial a Port a Union?

What kind of dues to members have to pay to get in the club? If you're not, you should be. I think a 30% skim would be good.

Stack that cheese.
At the moment we are not collecting any type of guild fees but it is something we are talking about though be it on a very small scale say 20-50p/week just for guild functions raffles ect. Right now we are more concerned about about stability, having most TZs covered and getting our newer members more levels for evacs and eventually velious ports.

[Kekephee]

So is Dial a Port a Union?

What kind of dues to members have to pay to get in the club? If you're not, you should be. I think a 30% skim would be good.

Stack that cheese.

They're one of those... Italian unions. From New York. You know.

http://i.imgur.com/fKLl87l.jpg

[blondeattk]

not allowed to discuss any union activities of any sort, or else.


...the First RUle of Port Club.....

[arsenalpow]

Asks Cucs about his feelings concerning the infamous WC spire skeleton.

[Thulack]

Asks Cucs about his feelings concerning the infamous WC spire skeleton.

He sat there afk for 30 mins while my druid was getting pounded on by that skelly yesterday...Good for nothing iksar :D

[Swish]

Thread of the week :p

[Kekephee]

Dial A Port has wasted no time in sending their HIRED THUGS to take me out. People from my own guild, people I thought were my friends and brothers, have made attempts on my life. The only reason I am still alive to tell you this is I had the fortune of making a successful Overthere hammer proc. YOU WON'T SILENCE ME THAT EASILY, DIAL A PORT

http://i.imgur.com/Gya1Z46.png

[Clark]

So is Dial a Port a Union?

What kind of dues to members have to pay to get in the club? If you're not, you should be. I think a 30% skim would be good.

Stack that cheese.

lol

[Swish]

http://www.islamicinvitationturkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/breaking.gif

Dial A Port has wasted no time in sending their HIRED THUGS to take me out. People from my own guild, people I thought were my friends and brothers, have made attempts on my life. The only reason I am still alive to tell you this is I had the fortune of making a successful Overthere hammer proc. YOU WON'T SILENCE ME THAT EASILY, DIAL A PORT

http://i.imgur.com/Gya1Z46.png

[captnamazing]

kekephee was a brave man
standing up to the most sinister menaces
whose influence ranged across norrath

he called to Filbus
help me my friend
you and i have fought so long together

but Filbus
shaking, trembling
turned his back on the Erudite

flipped through the pages
/who all dial
/tell Dial I have him here

Do we have a deal?
Free ports for life
the price? kekephee's corpse on the WC spire

[Danyelle]

Keke if you die, I'll be sure to deliver the AoN/CoF you wanted from that eternal thread to your grave.





I may have to make it out of paper mache.






I will.

[Champion_Standing]

I really tried to make a graphic to explain the conspiracy going on here but this thread is just so corrupt that I couldn't fit it all onto one image.

[Rhambuk]

Dial A Port has wasted no time in sending their HIRED THUGS to take me out. People from my own guild, people I thought were my friends and brothers, have made attempts on my life. The only reason I am still alive to tell you this is I had the fortune of making a successful Overthere hammer proc. YOU WON'T SILENCE ME THAT EASILY, DIAL A PORT

http://i.imgur.com/Gya1Z46.png

There is no escape, it doesn't matter where you go or who you try to hide behind! We have agents everywhere and its just a matter of time before we get you!

[Kekephee]

I can't chat here... But I have your answers... I can meet you at the Skyfire spires...


Finally, some answers!

[Kekephee]

Kekephee's Journal,

July 25, 2014
12:07 Central


Thought I had a promising lead re: Dial A Port conspiracy. One of their members reached out to me with a coded plea for help and a promise to answer any questions that remained. I was skeptical after my betrayal at the hands of Juevento, and rumors that even my own longtime companion Filbus, Hefe of the Vale, had made arrangements to sell me out- but this one felt real. I agreed to meet the DAP mole at the Skyfire spires... when I got there, I found them empty. There were clues. Signs of movement in the dirt; were they old tracks from some train on a sitting druid a ways back? This was a dangerous part of town, that blood on the ground could be anyone's- and almost certainly was. We've all bled on that spot. But it seemed fresh. I kept looking around, playing a tune I learned in my youth to locate clues, and eventually I found a note.

To The Dark Maestro,

hopefully it's you who finds this note. I had to abandon our meeting; too much heat. This place isn't safe. West Commons.

I made my way over to the Commonlands- I took a boat. Hiring a port seemed like the dumbest possible move at this point.


I found a safe place to hide and sneak, and now I'm waiting. The rain beats down on me, but my sweet blue Erudite hood protects me from the wetness and to tell you the truth, I'm glad for the extra cover. I'm afraid to play a song for warmth; hopefully I don't catch a cold.

End journal entry.


http://i.imgur.com/jYY4cxm.png

[Danyelle]

I went there and you were gone :( I found Dial A Port spies though.


OH NOES WERE YOU CAPTURED????

[Kekephee]

Saw some thugs that looked like DAP muscle; had to clear out. Will return when the heat dies out.

[Danyelle]

I'm sitting in EC tunnel. Tons of people, last place they'd expect

[indiscriminate_hater]

A+ thread, A++ visual aids

[Yumyums Inmahtumtums]

A+ thread, A++ visual aids

11/10 for Keke

Need GG to jump in on this too

[PDX0621]

Snitches get stitches.




Get it?

[Kekephee]

I was contacted by my friend Filbus. Though I'd heard from a reliable source that Filbus had sold me out to Dial A Port in exchange for free ports for life, I knew I had no choice but to trust him. But that didn't mean I couldn't control the situation; when he told me to accompany him to Freeport, I told him I had something else in mind. We shook the tail that I knew was on us. They couldn't possibly keep up with my bard speed. Filbus had no choice but to accompany me alone to a place where I'd be safe. Someplace porters never go- Kithicor.

http://i.imgur.com/TfG95aV.png

[Kekephee]

Filbus assured me that he had an informant within the guild who would meet me. I waited in the safe house, ready to escape if I saw any signs that Filbus was approaching with agents of the enemy.

http://i.imgur.com/mXvXkom.png

[kaev]

Like I told ya before, ya can't run fast enough, ya can't hide well enough, the damned DAPs got their sticky little fingers in everybody's pie. What you need my friend is a patsy, some poor little fool you can set up to take the fall for you. Now just think about people you know, people who've dished you dirt when you know you never deserved it. That Filbus dude, for instance, just might be the answer to your prayers, if ya know what I mean.

[Kekephee]

While I was in the safe house, I received a message. I was skeptical, but soon realized there was no option but to move forward. I agreed to meet the informant.

http://i.imgur.com/1ZAdx1H.png




As I approached his location, I heard a cry. I arrived to find that I was too late; they'd gotten to him. They'd done a good job dressing it up like your typical Kithicor-at-night skeleton attack, but I knew the truth.


http://i.imgur.com/7GnjpwU.png

[Kekephee]

Filbus sent me a message- he didn't know. I didn't have time to explain it to him. I was running, running as fast as my bard feet could carry me. I had to get out of the forest. I had to get out of Antonica. I had to get out of Norrath. I wasn't safe anywhere. As I ran through the rains of Kithicor, something came into view. Something familiar.

It was Filbus, and he was being followed.


http://i.imgur.com/QMERLcw.png

[Relbaic]

Someone please kill him already.

[Kekephee]

http://i.imgur.com/TLusk3Q.png

Filbus and I managed to overpower the Shralok agent. He carried on his person a pouch. We knew there would be information inside that pouch. Something we could use to prove that Dial a Port was in league with the Shralok Orcs. This was a terrifying development; nobody under level 20 would be safe anywhere from High Keep to the Oasis. The blood of level 1 mules would run like rivers in the East Common tunnels. This was huge.

We decided to go to Filbus' beloved home of Rivervale to find out what was in the pack and what our next step was while we bandaged our wounds. The pack had a number of strange things in it- a squirrel carcass, a mysterious ring, a rock, and a note. The note read:

Kill Kekephee. Bring him to us at the West Commons spire. Waggle will pay you what you are owed.


Filbus suggested that if they were waiting for Kekephee's corpse at the spires, perhaps we could take them by surprise if a living Kekephee and his partner Filbus got the drop on them. I have a feeling he's right. It's time to finish this.

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/x0kosWJ.jpg

I had a wicked hangover from the night before
and was already way too deep in this case...

But when the porter mafia tells me to ice my own friend
I gotta ask some questions, even if I HATE questions.

Of course my informant got killed.
My own cousin, too. He was always a good source of info.
Did Dial A Port do this?
It had Lena's handiwork all over
The note given to the orc courier in the bag
the bag looked like something she made

Well, i wasn't killing keke yet, not until I knew what was going on here
He trusted me. Enough, at least.
So we headed up to Rivervale to toss back a few and sort this out.

In the Golden Nugget, the questions started flying through my brain.
Lena killed Dialaninformant to protect Dial A Port.
WHY???

I started connecting some dots...

http://i.imgur.com/I9cjbfB.jpg

[captnamazing]

[FLASHBACK]
I was a bottle deep when the Dial Thugs showed up
They knew me well, I was a good customer
"We got a problem on our hands," they said

I'm a problem solver. Tell me what to do.
"There's a mark you need to kill. Kekephee."
They looked at me like they wanted me to ask why
But if there's one thing to know about me
I HATE questions.

I may have been drunk, but they don't know how well a Furyfoot holds his liquor
I played it cool, played it smart, got the terms
"Free Ports For Life"
No way I'm disagreeing with a bunch of armed thugs in my hobbit hole
when I'm half naked and shit-housed, Yola Sweetcookie waiting for me in bed..

I agree to their terms
Feels like a cold stone sinking down in my gut
Nothing else I could do but go back to bed with Yola..
I'd deal with this the next day.

[captnamazing]

In the bag there was all sorts of shit
Really incriminating shit
opening up a can of worms that threatened to eat us all
And I mean the whole of Norrath

This was not some petty case
and it was working my gut
feeling the stress
I could see kekephee's eyes glaze
he had had a few too many drinks...
say what you will about Erudites,
They can't handle their booze.

He gives me a piece of paper from the bag
It's a reminder
KILL HIM
FREE PORTS FOR LIFE

And god, I hate questions.
So I tell this drunk fool
Lets go to WC and get the jump on them
No way a druid can handle the likes of us

And keke staggers to his feet
Yeaeaearh! Lets do it

At the spires it's exactly like planned
Only Juevento there, who had already been hired to kill him.
I say
Keke
Let me make this look like i'm trying to kill you so they reveal themselves
The poor drunk fool accepted the duel

http://i.imgur.com/5ynOliI.jpg

It was the beginning of the end...

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/Q5HgNn6.jpg
Now, Dial A Port wanted his body left on the WC Spire

Sort of a signal, you know.
A "Don't Fuck With Us" kind of thing

They may be good at what they do
But I'm good at what I do
and I hate questions..
No way was I leaving him all hacked and bloody in WC where anyone could ask
"Who killed Kekephee?"

There was only one thing to do....
http://i.imgur.com/m1ItXMu.jpg

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/O88DSLY.jpg

Left his body down with the fishes
Ain't no one gonna find it there.
Washed the Erudite blood off my armor
and the tears from my eyes

What did this mean for ME??
Dial A Port promised me Free Ports For Life
But they had spies everywhere...
Surely they knew I had contemplating betraying them
And hell, I would have too
If the questions hadn't piled up
If the can of worms hadn't turned out to be so fucking big
you could feed Faydedar

But now my best drinking buddy was like a stone at the bottom of the lake
What was stopping Dial A Port from icing me, next?

I may be a greedy killer, but more than that, I'm a survivor
I didn't come from the ghetto of the Vale and get to where I am now by letting my guard down
So maybe I won't get free ports
and maybe I murdered my friend

http://i.imgur.com/5YP5cse.jpg

But at least the questions are all over now.
Dial A Port will NEVER find me now...

http://i.imgur.com/KP4x3dz.jpg

[Clark]

Lol greengrocer smuggling.

[cearobinson]

Meh, at least we still have Troubledour.

[Kevris]

We at Dial-A-Port do not condone any kind of violence!
Enough members of this community know and love us and our service!

Whenever you need us, we are always there ready to get you wherever you need to go!
In times of trouble, Dial-A-Port is there to serve and help, not obstruct!
Last night, for example, during the repop, many Dial-A-Port members helped many raids!
Looking back on the last few server repops, we've been on hand to help every guild.

Karmically speaking, dial-a-port is one of the best organizations on ’99!
Instantly we are on-hand when called, nearly 24 hours a day!
Lately we've grown and we have many more members waiting to help!
Low prices help us make sure everyone can afford to fly on Dial-A-Port!

You'll never have to wait for a port, as long as Dial-A-Port is around!
Other druids are out there, but we are the friendliest and most trusted source on '99!
Usually we're at every spire, sowing and buffing anyone who asks!

Always friendly, always reliable, Dial-A-Port is a top-knotch community resource
Lovingly we give back to our community, participating in many player-run events!
Lastly, thank you all for your support!

-McPorty Express <Dial-A-Port>

[Mblake81]

We at Dial-A-Port do not condone any kind of violence!
Enough members of this community know and love us and our service!

“I was just admiring that rifle of yours. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a finer one!” Cotton explained.

“I like it,” I answered him.

“So much so, you don’t carry a handgun?” Cotton asked.

“Each man to his own,” I answered him as I wiped sweat off my neck.

“What do you got against pistols, McCain?”

“Nothing. They may come in handy for some men,” I explained. “I’m a rancher. I use my gun for hunting animals, not men!”

Five years of corpses followed... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrOPVo5GFY4)

[Tasslehofp99]

Great thread.


Server needs more RP!

[weirdguy508]

This was just absolutely brilliant. I loved it. A++ work.

[iruinedyourday]

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/25736152/EQ/clapping.gif

[Swish]

https://i.minus.com/ibuNAU2v1kqXE9.gif

http://images1.dailykos.com/i/user/3/gay_marine_homecoming2.jpg

If I ever roll a pally, I think it'll have to be a dwarf :p

[Rhambuk]

something about dudes making out makes you think of a dwarf paladin?

oh the high elf didn't show up the first time I saw you post swish. now I get it :P

[Kekephee]

Any news on that guise of the deceiver, Chuck Still A Virgin? I want it on my monk, not my bard, for obvious reasons/so I can piss Chest off by also being a dark elf monk

[Dirtynads]

phew..once again great thread keke fantastic job mate *golf clap*

[Rhambuk]

all those will get deleted in like an hour and no one will even remember.

poor chuck

[Rhambuk]

and like magic! moderated away within 2 minutes :P

thanks mods

[Nuktari]

I sense that this tale is far from over...

[Kekephee]

I sense that this tale is far from over...



Project 1999 hasn't seen the last of Kekephee Souphanousinphone, and no doubt neither has Filbus Furyfoot...


http://i.imgur.com/bzs3o8G.jpg

[Herpa Derp]

When you killed him did he drop sea dragon meat?

[Wiery]

This is my favorite thread on these forums.

[captnamazing]

The memory of that night did not leave the halfling's head
Nothing could erase it, not even the finest Minotaur Hero's Brew

http://i.imgur.com/7w2jK9v.jpg

The dark sound of rain falling on the Erudite bard's freshly spilled blood
the sweat clinging to the back of Filbus' neck as he dragged the corpse through the grass

Sometimes... it was like kekephee was still there, right behind him... reminding him what he had done

http://i.imgur.com/Z95rDZn.jpg

The days went by, and Filbus grew more and more depressed
Haunted by the horrors he had committed with his own hands.
In a drunken rage, he lashed out against those who knew he was the perpetrator
He clawed his way to the top of the plane of sky to hunt down the rogue Juevento
and bashed his skull in with a great staff

http://i.imgur.com/KTgztmq.jpg

When would the halfling have respite from Terror?
When would the tears of Prexus wash clean his defiled hands?
Every night he burned the bodies of Dark Elves to exult his God Bristlebane
To beg forgiveness
But the God of Mirth turned away from this stained soul,
Who was once a great hero to the Halfling Deity,

And every night
as the black soot of the fires lapped at the skies
and the smells of burning elf fat wafted through the Thicket
Filbus heard the whisperings of a new god... the one known as Cazic-Thule.

[bayoupimp]

If you die in the game, you die here, too?

[iruinedyourday]

If you die in the game, you die here, too?

:D:D:D

[Glenzig]

If you die in the game, you die here, too?

When you're immersed your brain can't tell the difference between in game pain and real life pain.

[iruinedyourday]

If you die in the game, you die here, too?

When you're immersed your brain can't tell the difference between in game pain and real life pain.

dude, if you even die in this thread, you die irl.

[Kekephee]

CRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAK

http://i.imgur.com/9hyqW.gif

[Clark]

When you're immersed your brain can't tell the difference between in game pain and real life pain.
Lol

[Lopretni]

Dial a port confirmed worse than the Third Reich. This puts you a few shades above TMO, though.

[forensic]

fuck me this was good

[NZV]

You'd best watch your back. Whenever you feel safest, DaP is waiting just around the corner to pounce on you with a one-way ticket to Toxx. Think that's a normal exp group full of shitty classes that you're joining? The wizard and druid are /anon DaP members in disguise. Soon you'll join the legions of corpses littering erudin, each and every one of them having starved to death while waiting for the boat.

[Bboboo]

Just wait till we can Winds of the North you whenever we please.

[captnamazing]

It's time for any new forum lurkers to have a chance to read this -- BUMP!

[Buellen]

Clap Clap Clap Bravo !!

<ligher up>

thank you fun read

[clacbec]

+1, all good

[maahes]

Thanks all. This thread is exactly why nerds are my favorite. I love reading this stuff.

[Kevris]

Did everybody miss my secret message, or was it just sucky?

[wwoneo]

I plan to put Dial-A-Port out of business when translocates come out! Good luck to you crazy druids!

[maskedmelon]

Did everybody miss my secret message, or was it just sucky?

O. M. G. :eek:

[captnamazing]

you're a brave lad, kevris

[Swish]

I have a druid in Dial a Port... he's not one I leveled up (old pal decided to quit) but I do enjoy porting occasionally, you get to see a few notable names and how well they tip, or not! :p

[Portasaurus]

O. M. G. :eek:

[webrunner5]

We at Dial-A-Port do not condone any kind of violence!
Enough members of this community know and love us and our service!

Whenever you need us, we are always there ready to get you wherever you need to go!
In times of trouble, Dial-A-Port is there to serve and help, not obstruct!
Last night, for example, during the repop, many Dial-A-Port members helped many raids!
Looking back on the last few server repops, we've been on hand to help every guild.

Karmically speaking, dial-a-port is one of the best organizations on ’99!
Instantly we are on-hand when called, nearly 24 hours a day!
Lately we've grown and we have many more members waiting to help!
Low prices help us make sure everyone can afford to fly on Dial-A-Port!

You'll never have to wait for a port, as long as Dial-A-Port is around!
Other druids are out there, but we are the friendliest and most trusted source on '99!
Usually we're at every spire, sowing and buffing anyone who asks!

Always friendly, always reliable, Dial-A-Port is a top-knotch community resource
Lovingly we give back to our community, participating in many player-run events!
Lastly, thank you all for your support!

-McPorty Express <Dial-A-Port>

Nilbog, ban the Guild. Throwing all law abiding poor Druids under the Bus. Has screwed up the P1999 economy. :eek: A plague like has never been seen on here other than RMTers. :( Well maybe Diggles is worse!